Dear God, the Thunder now have giant Smurfs as fans! (And isn't "giant Smurf" an oxymoron?)
(h/t JE Skeets for the screencap)

Erik Spoelstra may still have a job, but according to this fantastic satire piece, he may not for much longer: "Pat Riley adopts a baby for Erik Spoelstra to go spend time with."

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Joel Anthony does what he does best

Bucks Jazz Basketball
Yes, the Bucks lost. Why do you ask?

D-Will is taking this new TSA pat down very seriously and lending a helping hand to insure that Chris Douglas-Roberts will not be blowing up any planes on his long flight
(caption via Basketbawful reader RRR)

Bucks Jazz Basketball
AK47's hair takes the next step toward growing into its own entity and splitting off to form a new basketball player that looks like Captain Caveman


Rockets Mavericks Basketball
Hey Dirk, Jordan could make this look cool. You can't. Just FYI.

Wow, that's a hard, um, foul?

All The Games:
Celtics at Cavaliers, 7pm: Shaq ruminating on the early-season loss to the Cavaliers: "We took them a little bit too lightly." On the other hand, nobody can ever take Shaq lightly according to the laws of physics.

Pistons at Magic, 7pm: Detroit is not good at many things. Playing on the road. Playing against teams with winning records. Shooting. Rebounding. So, yeah, get ready for a night filled with Dwight Howard pulling down boards left and right.

Frail Blazers at 76ers, 7pm: Portland hasn't faced four straight losses in over two years, but considering their shooting right now, it's a possibility even if they are just playing against the Seventy Suxorz. With 39.9% shooting as a team over the past four games, Portland couldn't shoot their way out of a wet paper bag. Though I'm not really sure if you would shoot a basketball to get yourself freed from a wet paper bag. Wouldn't you just tear it? And where in the world would you find a paper bag big enough to trap the entire team?

Nyets at Knicks, 7:30pm: The Knicks are at .500 for the season (mostly thanks to beating up on losing teams during a recent favorable scheduling stretch), but only 2-5 at Madison Square Garden. Maybe the team should all hop on a bus and drive around aimlessly for a couple hours before gametime to trick the players into thinking it's a road game?

Lakers at Grizzlies, 8pm: Stat of the day: Derek Fisher is 3-for-21 from the field in his last three games.

Pacers at Kings, 10pm: The DeMarcus Cousins/Paul Westphal rift is just the latest example of the fact that the Purple Paupers are a barely watchable trainwreck. They're the basketball equivalent of Creepies
I wonder if the big spider can play power forward or center when DeMarcus Cousins gets benched?

Spurs at Warriors, 10:30pm: San Antonio has not lost on the road yet this season. Golden State is... Golden State. Guess who I am picking for this game?

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Blogger Evan Sather said...
I made the mistake of arguing with YouTubers about Joel Anthony getting pushed because I said he was soft and weak.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
I think AK47 got that hair so he could yell "Girls, girls, girls" when exercising his 'once a year' rule.

Blogger Dan B. said...
Evan -- ugh. YouTube comments are where rational thought goes to die. I'm glad you made it out in one piece.

Blogger Unknown said...
High School Bawful: http://rivals.yahoo.com/highschool/blog/prep_rally/post/Texas-team-stops-trying-to-score-celebrates-32-?urn=highschool-290350

How do these guys celebrate? "Yes, we held our opponents underneath an arbitrary amount! High fives all around."

Blogger Unknown said...
Also, is it bad that OKC fans stole Golden State's old mascot?


Anonymous JJ said...
Wow, I seriously don't know what's more fucked up: Pat Riley obviously setting up Spo with eventual family-related exit or the fact that Riley named the baby Stan Van. A GIRL BABY named Stan Van??!?! And don't you at least get to name your own kids? WTF????

Spo says, "Who adopts a baby for an employee? And who names a little girl Stan Van? It’s not wildly subtle." I'll tell you who. The guy who's about to take over your job. Sorry, man. You're not that great, but no one deserves this.

Note to Riley: Human beings are not "gifts". And truly, I underestimated your evilness.

Anonymous Business Time said...
JJ, maybe you missed the part where Dan B. mentioned it was satire? Although the best satire is always borderline believable so I guess that still says something about Riley...

WV: nonfic

Anonymous The Other Chris said...
Blazers lose to the 76ers.. ruh roh! Welcome back to Suckville, Portland. Population: you.

Also Clyde Frazier just pointed out that Landry Fields should be in the conversation for rookie of the year, and I wholeheartedly agree. Kid can ball.

Blogger Dan B. said...
Blazers lose to the 76ers...

There better damn well be lots of facepalm pictures from this game. That's turrible.

Anonymous The Other Chris said...
Lakers lose to Memphis! Way to pump fake on that last shot for noooo reason, Ron-Ron. Decidedly not clutch execution in the last 7 seconds by the Lake show after forcing the turnover they needed.. Can't win 'em all.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know this stuff happens a lot, but in the AP recap it sure sounds man-lovey.

"When he was replaced with 4:04 left by Von Wafer, Rondo was applauded by everyone on Boston's bench and got a loving slap on the backside as he walked past Rivers."

Anonymous Karc said...
Mike Conley beat the Lakers. And it was while using Marc Gasol as a screener all night. Hey, I thought Pau Gasol and Kobe Byrant were the best at that. That's just too funny.

That last Lakers play reminds of an article yesterday where Ron Artest was criticized by Phil Jackson for not calling a timeout in the Indiana game when they needed a three to tie after Byrant missed the first one. Well, now they only needed a two, Artest went behind the three point line with three seconds left...and had his shot blocked. Again, too funny.

Can't even really blame Kobe for this one, he had the right idea by running up the court and trying to take the Grizz off balance. However, since Memphis sacrificed Pau Gasol to get younger talent, their defense was set within five seconds, as Artest would hysterically come to notice.

Here's some hope Laker fans, your five losses were by 6, 5, 6, 3, and 2. Bad news, there was pretty much one really stupid play that completely shot any chance of your team winning those games: Kobe's iso 3 in Denver with a minute left, Odom's technical when only down 2 which turned into 6, Utah's 11-0 run after putting up a wall of kryptonite after Kobe's "heroics," Artest not calling a timeout (or getting the easy layup) after Kobe bricked the three against Indiana, and that mess at the end of the Memphis game.

Doom in LA? Nah. That comes tomorrow night in Houston...

Anonymous JJ said...
Business Time, so that was fake? I obviously missed that. I never heard of sports pickle and I thought it was real. =(

Anonymous allison said...
Unexpected snark from Celtics-Cavs recap, someone's channeling Bawful in the AP offices:

Celtics G Delonte West had successful surgery to repair his broken right wrist. Has a team ever reported an unsuccessful surgery?


Anonymous ak dave said...
Pau played 44min last night. That's too many minutes. I think coach 'Jax knows that.


Anonymous Czernobog said...
Aww, Beno Udrih just missed his chance at joining the "20 points on 100% shooting" club. That would've been epic bawful.

Anonymous allison said...
Crap, it's gone now, screenshot: http://i52.tinypic.com/262ry9c.png

Blogger Unknown said...
The Australian Fox Sports News recap of the Knicks-Nets game finished with "The Knicks are starting to look like a real playoff team". I didn't know playoff teams were a game over .500 and had a 3-5 record at home despite signing a $100 million man in the off-season.

Anonymous Cetti said...
just to put it out there between all that bawful:


barring injury one of the best PFs ever in the making? uh, damn, forgot he's on the clippers.

Anonymous Czernobog said...
@Adrian: I give you... The Eastern Conference.

Blogger zyth said...
@ Czernobog : nope, not a stuffed fish. and was just curious. gotta admit though, most poles have a turrible sense of taste and think that overal blandness > all

also, i was surprised that it was just the third triple double in Duncans career

Anonymous KHayes666 said...
I just saw the replay of the Celtics game and I'm just laughing at how almost EVERY time Shaq sets a screen or prepares to take a charge the opposing player bounces off him and flops to the ground. I know Shaq played Steel (ugh) but I didn't know he was wearing the costume on the court to make these guys knock each other over like dominoes.