Due to family obligations, I enter at the opening of the fourth quarter. It appears I haven’t missed much. Big Laker lead hints that this one could already be over.

JVG has just suggested that Phil Jackson close out the game without playing Kobe, as that would make the win more “meaningful.” A side of dumbass with that order, Jeff? Here’s an idea, maybe instead of the Lakers removing critical pieces of their team, your brother just coaches better?

11:27 remaining
Three ball from Reddick gets the Magic to within 14. 78-64.

10:59 remaining
Kobe baseline jumper makes it 80-64.

9:45 remaining
Nelson hits a three. 80-67. The Magic showing life, if "life" can defined as not completely sucking.

8:15 remaining
Kobe nails a three. Lead back to 16. Magic timeout. Jackson: “Bryant knocks down a dagger three.” Jackson knocks down a dagger cliché. Drink.

Bad commercial watch: Transformers playing basketball? Followed by a Transformers sequel trailer. After seeing another movie, my wife and I snuck into the first Transformer movie for five minutes in the theatre, and got simultaneous headaches in two.

7:04 remaining
Ariza throwdown. Laker lead is 18.

6:37 remaining
Mark Jackson and Mike Breen begin the Phil Jackson suck off session, calling him the best ever, etc, etc. Oh, KG why did your knee have to give out? At least when Phil was tied with Red, there was room for “the greatest” ambiguity. With the tendency for the league to tag superlatives to the current players and coaches, he will be called the best ever, bar none. Oh well.

5:50 remaining
Breen says that Kobe was sometimes “not the easiest teammate to play with.” This is a euphemism for “douchebag.” On teams that win, Kobe is quite pleasant and lovely.

4:43 remaining
Dwight has another dunk slapped away. Howard is so deceptive – seemingly powerful, yet so easy to strip down low, even though in this case, he kept the ball high.

2:52 remaining
Reddick drive takes them to within 12.

2:33 remaining
Kobe jumper puts it back to 14.

1:58 remaining
Reddick three takes it to 11. This does not constitute a "duel."

Bad commercial watch: A speedy Kobe puppet fetches sneakers and jerseys for LeBron to prove his rapidity. Has anyone else noticed that the LeBron and Kobe puppets speak in jive, call each other “my brother,” and dance to rap music? Where’s the watermelon and fried chicken? I can just imagine the negotiations with Kobe and LeBron’s agents – “Uhm, yeah, LeBron/Kobe find these commercials offensive, but if you want to pay them a ton of money, just use puppets and go ahead and do whatever you want."

:40.4 remaining
Mark Jackson: “As I watch the Lakers celebrate, I wonder what Shaquille O’Neal is thinking right now.” You don't need to, Mark. Just subscribe to his frickin' Twitter broadcast. I just got a message: "Congrats Kobe. Go to hell, Master of Panic. I'll be at IHOP at 10 A.M. Meet me there and I'll buy you a short stack."

Watching SVG shake hands with Phil, all I can think is "Poor little chubby bastard. He won't be back next year."

Kobe’s daughters are dressed like cheerleaders. Looks a little creepy, but if I were a Laker fan, I suppose I would find it adorable.

Phil seems to look very fragile as he hugs people out there. Is this man ok? They’re talking about him perhaps not returning due to “health issues.” I wonder if we could maybe unearth Red Auerbach’s corpse and have it just be an honorary assistant coach for Doc next year, so that he could maybe catch back up with Phil on the championship count. Am going to nba.com to search for rules on whether coaches must in fact be alive to coach.

Love to hear the “boos” at the intro of David Stern at the Larry O'Brien Trophy presentation. Stern hands it to Joey Bus, who looks like he’s 12 years old, and worse, sounds like it too. What is going on with that retard?

In most of the post-game interviews, they ask about the humiliating loss to the Celtics last year. Amusing. Oh, I hope the purple and gold and the green meet again next year.

Funny to watch Kobe and Phil embrace; these two were ready to meet in WWF Smackdown two years ago. It’s amazing what winning will do.

Congratulations to the 2009 NBA Champion Lakers. I’m not going to say World Champion, because then a whole bunch of Eurotrash is going to post comments about how it’s only the "North American" championship. Whatever.

What a playoffs. From the amazing Boston/Chicago series to this finals, we were always able to count on one thing - that the officiating would suck consistently. And it did. But the best team won anyway.

Here's to a summer of Basketbawful working his ass off to provide posts that entertain throughout the off-season.

Ta ta, y'all.

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11 Comments:
Suggestions on entertaining things to do in the summer: Morrison Suicide Watch Summer '09.

Seriously. The guy looked sad and happy at the same time. This ring is going to haunt him for the rest of his life. He can't decide if he should dance and celebrate and feel legit or if he should recognize publicly that he's a nobody. At least Sun Yue just stood there chewing gum. He clearly didn't give a shit what was going on.

I guess even if there's no official Morrison Suicide Watch this summer, I'll keep up my own calendar. I'm rooting for him to live to the beginning of the next season.

Blogger Josh said...
Was it just me or did Breen and Jackson sound tremendously underwhelmed and, dare I say it, sad after the horn sounded and the Lakers won? They couldn't have sounded less enthusiastic or nonplussed. Van Gundy, as expected, was silent. What gives? I understand that everyone has their own personal biases and everything (though Van Gundy consistently made it clear whenever announcing a Laker game which team he DIDN'T like) but as an announcer aren't you supposed to overcome that? Not one of those three men even bothered to try to raise their voices much to be heard better over cheering and announcements. The whole Finals series wasn't like that, they all mostly had the same levels throughout and some moments of excitement, but come on - a team just won the NBA FINALS in a strong fashion, and in an enjoyable series I might add, and those three had the same emotion in their voices as a baseball announcer does when rattling off random stats and tangential stories during a long, boring march to the end of a baseball game whose outcome was decided back in the 3rd inning. Come on guys, you aren't dead yet. Except for Van Gundy who looks like something even a zombie whore would reject. Get some sleep, man!

Blogger juniogr said...
Hey man, you look like an ass saying that the Eurotrashes are going to complain if you say World Champions. I'm from Brazil, my national league sucks and even then I think the NBA Champioons should be called this way. You have to play the whole world to be the World Champions....American people are just too arrogant to realize that.

But, outside of the cultural dumbness you was born into, nice blog!

Blogger Evil Ted said...
Filthy Logician,

Perhaps we expand the idea into a full-on NBA dead pool? Brilliant. I call Bill Russell - as much as I adore the man, he's getting up there and looking worn.

Josh,

I think the commentators were feeling like we all feel - like the Magic blew a couple of games and deprived us of real intrigue. The fact is, the result of this series never felt in doubt, and the lack of enthusiasm reflected that. Let's face it, a 4-1 series is blah, particularly after the high drama of some of the earlier playoff series.

Blogger Josh said...
Evil Ted,

While I agree that the individual games weren't as exciting as some of the previous games in other series (how many OT's for Boston and Chicago again...?) the simple fact is that this is was the deciding game in the finals and that at least a shred of enthusiasm was due, even if the expected outcome came to pass. Seriously, it sounded as if they were reading eulogies at a funeral. It's one thing to sound reserved, it's another to sound downright icy. "Blah" series or not, it's their JOB to enhance the interest and the emotion and there was literally none of it at the end. Kind of disappointing from an otherwise good crew (excepting Van Gundy, of course).

Blogger BadDave said...
Russell? Pah. He's immortal. By your logic, I'm taking Greg Oden.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
I don't think Bill Russell in general is looking that bad, but if he looked a bit haggard last night, it was probably because he had to help hand over a trophy at a Lakers championship celebration, and you just know that was killing him. I can see him thinking to himself "they name the damn award after me in appreciation, and my thanks is that the first guy I have to hand it to is Kobe fucking Bryant?"

It's funny how the perception of Kobe looks like it's about to change, and it began with the announcers comments last night, pointing out how Kobe getting on his teammates really just pushed them to be better, and that's what great leaders do. Like I said before, this win "legitimizes" Kobe, because now there's really nothing to point to in reference to his shortcomings as a basketball player. IMO he's still got a lot of flaws, but he has made some big strides. It will be interesting to see if this success will propel him forward to continue learning to play smarter basketball, or if it will make him regress with him now thinking he can just do everything his way, and screw everyone else. Phil Jackson returning or retiring may have a lot to do with how that plays out.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
WotN to Shaq, for STILL managing to ruffle the NBA Finals drama feathers and inject into the media with his shallow congratulatory (sorry, I meant congratualtions) Twitter: Who didn't see this coming. I'm still waiting for the first Twitter breakups, or other important life moments revealed from Twitter like "im prgnt."

Blogger Cortez said...
Season complete.

It's been great getting into pointless (and mostly subjective) arguments while at the same time speaking as if I was an authority on the issue at hand.

The memories of debating whether not not so-and-so should have v-cut and taken the reverse kickout from whats-a-ma-face will last me a lifetime!

So remember, if you're out and about on the open courts of the greater Chicago-land area and you see a sleek imposing figure bounding his way across the horizion, lions in tow, fear not brothers for it is only I, Cortez, the washed up never was, coming to tell you why you have it ALL WRONG when it come to round ball.

Until '09-'10...

...But tell me this

What the fuck am I going to do to waste time at work now fellas?

"The most rewarding part was when they gave me my money!"
~Dr. Nick Rivera

Blogger Basketbawful said...
The Filthy Logician -- Hey, look at it this way: Since Adam is done in the NBA, at least he gets to go out on top. And hey, he has one more ring than Karl Malone, John Stockton, Charles Barkley, Dominique Wilkins, Patrick Chewing, etc.

Wild Yams said: "It's funny how the perception of Kobe looks like it's about to change, and it began with the announcers comments last night, pointing out how Kobe getting on his teammates really just pushed them to be better, and that's what great leaders do."

That's the winning double-standard. Sports expert logic dictates that if a player is an asshole to his teammates and they lose, then he's a cancer. If he's an asshole and they win, then his assholery inspired them. Whatever. Somehow I don't think "Kobe's scowling at me...I MUST PLAY BETTER!" ever passed through Pau's mind, or Odom's, or anybody elses.

AnacondaHL -- Already got it covered.

Cortez -- Okay, you never mentioned before you're in Chicago. We'll have to get together for some pickup games, after a healthy dose of Ibuprofin of course. Also, Basketbawful will continue all summer.

Anonymous El,var said...
On you Bad commercial watch. Maybe I am mishearing this but in the one where kobe and lebron go one on one in their apartment Im pretty sure one of them calls out in the middle of the game "Niggah, what you got?" Again could just be my mind playing tricks but you guys should check it out.

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