Kings-Cavs: Surprising name not on the list tonight, as Tarence Kinsey made four of six shots and is firmly in a lacktion slump! So two of his teammates -- the usually solid Wally Szczerbiak and bench presence Darnell Jackson -- decided to bail their fellow crustacean out. Wally World clearly was not in his element in this role and his natural tendency for contribution unfortunately shone through, ruining three bricks and a giveaway with one made free throw. Jackson however came through in the non-clutch with +1 (missed shot) in 4:04!

King Crab is in shock as Tarence Kinsey painfullylistens to the dark side and puts down a DUNK!
Oh, and Kinsey is starting to get notable enough to have an entire article dedicated to him -- which mentions his appearance in all four games of the recent West Coast swing. (What that story doesn't tell you, of course, is that three of the four games in his epic streak of lacktivity occurred on that trip!)

Another previous lacktion achiever who avoided a successfuly unspectacular run was Bobby Jackson, who gave the jesters a laughable assist during a sleepy sixteen and a half minutes to negate twin droppings of downtown masonry.

Update! Watch this amazing putback by LeBron:


Since Wally World's brick turned into King Crab's monster slam, I guess we can actually award him a KOBE BRYANT ASSIST!

Nuggets-Grizzlies: In easily handling the baby cubs, who have shown that no amount of Generalissimo Franco holding the clipboard can create a bounce for this lackluster squad, the Nuggets brought out two human victory cigars to alert the few Memphis fans in attendance to walk slowly to their cars and beat the traffic on Interstate 40. Renaldo Balkman put up a +3 (two fouls and a turnover) in 3:30, and Sonny Weems provided a +1 in 2:19 via one turnover.

Marc Gasol earned the average bears a Voskuhl by spending 19:50 unleashing 4 fouls against 5 bricks and 2 rebounds! His compatriot Greg Buckner is another big-time lacktioneer currently shying away from coldness, ruining a foul in two minutes through one rebound.

Marc Gasol's "armpit hair" efense doesn't counttoward the Voskuhl, but poetically represents it well.
Spurs-Jazz: One brick gave San Antoni's Ime Udoka a +1 in 8:53. Brevin Knight's 4.15 trillion made up for some unworthy missed chances from his Jazz teammates, as Kyrylo Fesenko wasted a triple-brick performance (including two unmade charity stripe shots) in two and a half minutes with a board, the same obstacle that stopped a 43-second Mario attempt by Kosta Koufos. [Editor's note: Marios are not canceled out by meaningful stats; only trillions. ~Basketbawful]

About the author: Chris is a Sacramento resident and Bay Area native who is surrounded by all forms of bawful, from The Oracle to Arco Arena (or whatever barn the Maloofs can milk the most profit from in the near future). After all, when you live in a town in which an ex-trillionare champion (John Salmons) is the home team's starter, is there much to be expected on the positive front? No. So Chris has made it his goal to become the Bill James or Hubie Brown of lacktivity, seeing how abundant it has become in Northern California. Outside of his life as a lacktion statistician, he follows a random collection of other sports (auto racing, ice hockey, snooker, boxing)...

Labels: guest author, lacktion report