Have you ever wanted a bird's-eye view into the life of a legend? Ever wonder what Lawsuit Larry is doing when he's not destroying the Pacers or suing the pants off of hapless resort owners? Then prepare for a Basketbawful exclusive: Watch in thrilling Bawful-O-Vision as a few lucky Hoosiers get to fulfill their lifelong dream...of having lunch with Larry Bird. And based on the evidence, when Larry offers to spring for "lunch," he apparently means "a few glasses of apple juice in a random Conseco Fieldhouse boardroom." The cornerstone of every nutritious starvation.

Note that the Pacers organization called this The Ultimate Experience. Of course, this happened in Indiana, where the terms "ultimate" and "experience" mean radically different things than you might expect.


Best quote: Kelly Simms, the big winner, said: "What am I going to remember? The size of Larry's Hands...NO!" [Nervous laughter]

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8 Comments:
Blogger geremy said...
it sounds like kelly had more of an "experience" than the rest of them.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I work with Chris Cooke, the man who Larry Legend is suing, so I know a little bit about this issue.

First of all, Larry Bird most likely is oblivious to the details of all of this. He has a team of lawyers who are paid to "protect his assets". These people literally have nothing else to do but look for petty nonsense such as this and try to make a mountain out of a molehill, thereby justifying their salaries.

Secondly, there is a question of historical fact here: Larry LIVED IN THAT HOUSE. It's a truth, and there is no reason why it cannot be stated. People visit Graceland all the time. Kurt Cobain's home in Seattle is often visited, as is Jimi Hendrix's. This is not new- what IS new is that somebody's team of legal minds actually wants to sue a property owner for TELLING THE TRUTH ABOUT THE HISTORY OF THEIR PROPERTY.

Finally, the house (which has not yet been converted to a B&B) will only generate a modest amount of income for the owners- most likely less than break-even, so it's not as if they are stealing money out of Larry's pocket! It's more the hobby of a retired Judge than a business venture by some ambitious capitalist trying to "use Larry's name" to make a buck.

My advice to Larry Birdshit- focus on managing the damn Pacers. Your team has sucked since Reggie Miller retired and most people figure it's you're fault. You're wasting time, making yourself look like an ass, and generating lots of FREE PUBLICITY for this B&B that would otherwise be completely unknown and seldom visited.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
geremy -- It does indeed...

anonymous -- If you read this, any chance I can get a few words from Mr. Cooke on the subject? I mean, assuming it won't hurt his case.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I love the part where Larry wipes his mouth with the napkin on his lap as if he had finished eating, only there was no food whatsoever in front of him.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Blogger Five Pound Bag said...
Frankly it wouldn't hurt Larry to skip a few lunches from time to time... nice gut, Legend.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
To the anonymous poster -- Dude, my sincerest freaking apologies. Your comment was accidentally published when another author made a post yesterday. I deleted it as soon as I realized it was up. I'm VERY sorry about the mistake.

Blogger nicholas said...
anonymous sounds like he is chris cux i KNOW what im talkin about! CHRIS COOKE is a fraud he even told me and my sisters he was going to trick larry. he is a cur and belongs in jail for what he continues to do, 'protect molesters'. my name is nicholas moses cooke- self emancipated slave and #33 is my hero. peace

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