Dozens of people in Stephenville, Texas -- including one Iraq war veteran and a local police officer -- claim that they saw a flying saucer hovering over their sleepy little town around 6 p.m. on January 8. However, a spokeperson for NASA claims that such an event could not possibly have taken place, since January 8 is the beginning of the Klingon New Year, and according to the Intergalactic Peace Treaty of Gleaorgh, no UFO is allowed to enter "Earth space" during that period.

Nonetheless, local pilot Steve Allen insists there really was a flying saucer, although it might have been using some kind of cloaking device: "The ship wasn't really visible and was totally silent, but the lights spanned about a mile long and a half mile wide. The lights went from corner to corner. It was directly above Highway 67 traveling towards Stephenville at a high rate of speed...about 3,000 MPH is what I would estimate."

Allen was unavailble for further comment, as he was abducted by government agents shortly after he gave his original comment. Not because he's crazy enough to believe in little green men from outer space, but because the government likes to dissect every U.S. citizen who can see things that move at speeds of 3,000 MPH in hopes of unlocking the mystery of their amazing eye powers.

Although I suppose it's possible the Martian Apocalypse is upon us, I wouldn't start stocking up on hunting rifles and bottled water just yet. At least, not before you hear what Karl Malone has to say about aliens.

Labels: aliens, Karl Malone, UFOs