Custom socks
Check out the bottom row. Who would order
custom-made basketball socks in pink??

What it is: Some cloth dye and needlework on socks that are a blend of 80 percent acrylic, 20 percent stretch yarn, and 100 percent awesome*.

What it's supposed to do: Establish pride, unity, and a sense of identity (for teams); provide a medium of open and honest expression (for individuals).

What it actually does: Holds sweat, chafes your feet, looks exceptionally ugly, and wastes you and/or your team's hard-earned money.

Who it's for: Anybody who wants to play basketball in a pair of hideous, calf-length socks that look like they were imported directly from a bad 80s movie**.

What it says about you: That you're willing to sacrifice comfort and performance to wear socks that kinda-sorta look like "official" team socks, assuming that team is comprised entirely of prison inmates, homeless people, or refugees from some Third World country.

Cost and availability: You can buy them for $6.75 (plus S&H) a pair at Awesome Sports. Of course, they require that you buy at least 12 pairs per color and design. And the fact that there are no refunds on custom orders is obviously the company's subtle way of saying "Satisfaction not guaranteed."

* And by "awesome" I of course mean "godless monstrosity."

** It would, of course, be about a group of lovable, ragtag misfits from Camp Tittywacka who learn important lessons about life and themselves as they train for a tournament in which they defeat a team of vastly superior athletes from rival Camp Kickassawassi.

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6 Comments:
Anonymous padraig said...
bbawful: dude, have you seen these Reggie Miller to Boston rumors? I figured that you, being both a Celtics and a Reggie advocate (at least from what I've read on the site), would have a take on the matter. Obviously, adding a 37 yr old jump shooter (b/c I really doubt the 2 yr layoff has helped his quickness any) to play 15 minutes a night isn't going to put anyone over the top but I don't see how it can hurt given the Celtics' current complete lack of a bench. Actually the only reason I really like the idea is b/c it brings up the possibility of Reggie crushing Spike Lee's fragile psyche all over again, with much hilarity ensuing.

Blogger Pete Fresh said...
If you think about it, if the whole teams gets normal socks they would accomplish the same goal.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Well, yeah, they could just buy socks as a group. But where would they find pink socks with little gladiator heads on them?

Anonymous Josh said...
I think my Grandmother can knit better looking socks. Those are UGLY, man.

Blogger Pete Fresh said...
...those are what I consider normal socks.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
padraig -- I've remained silent thus far because I'm waiting to see what Reggie decides. Most people -- myself included -- tend to jump all over the "He might come out of retirement" stories and then nothing comes of it (see Scottie Pippen, Charles Oakley, Greg Ostertag, et al.). If Miller returns, you'll see a long post on the subject. But my gut's telling me he'll ultimately say "no." Donnie Walsh was quoted as saying he's shocked that Reggie's considering doing it, and I know a lot of Indiana fans feel mildly betrayed. I just can't see Reggie making a comeback...even though, by all accounts, he's seriously considering it.

josh -- Yeah, exactly. Some of those socks look like they were stolen off the stanky feet of some poor homeless person, dyed green, and had a bird head sewn on.

pete -- When you say "normal," does that mean you own and wear socks like that...?

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