Last night at around 5:30 p.m., Antoine Walker was robbed at gunpoint in his Chicago home. The criminals got away with cash, jewelry, and a vehicle of some kind. Walker and two other people were in the house at the time of the robbery, and they're all okay.

Since nobody got hurt, I don't feel too bad about commenting on the irony of the situation, since Walker robbed the Miami Heat of over $7 million last season, and he's going to steal another $40 million from them over the next four years. It's also ironic that the bandits robbed him at gunpoint, since Walker himself is a shooter with little (or no) conscience*.

Strangely enough, this isn't the first time Walker was a victim of armed robbery in his hometown. In July 2000, he and Nazr Mohammed (and three other non-famous people) were robbed at gunpoint outside a restaurant. That time the thieves got away with cash and a $55,000 watch.

*Despite being a career 32 percent three-point shooter, Walker currently ranks sixth all-time in three-point attempts (4,076), trailing only Dale Ellis (4,266), Nick Van Exel (4,278), Tim Hardaway (4,345), Ray Allen (4,839), and Reggie Miller (6,486). Assuming Walker keeps firing away at his current pace -- he tossed up over 300 three-point bombs last season despite hitting only 27 percent of them -- he'll pass Ellis, Van Exel, and Hardaway this season to move into the third spot. Crazy. Reminds me of one of my favorite quotes ever: When asked by a reporter why he attempted so many threes, Walker responded, "Because there are no fours." I never get tired of repeating that.

Walker robbery
Nobody can ever steal his championship...
although we all kind of wish we could.

Update: How could I report on a member of the Miami Heat getting victimized by crime without a gratuitous mention of Shaq's status as a reserve police officer (with both the L.A. Port and Miami Beach Police Departments) and an honorary U.S. Deputy Marshal? That's what you might call irresponsible journalism. Fortunately, reader padraig saved me with the following comment: "I'm sure Reserve Officer O'Neal is in hot pursuit of the ne'er-do-wells, unless he's too busy with his anti-child obesity campaign. Do you think Shaq was the first person Antoine called after the fact? I like to think so."

You read it here first, evildoers. I suggest you turn yourselves in immediately, or face the threat of capture (and possible body cavity search) by Officer "I could kill your thieving ass with one clubbing blow" Shaq.

Shaq pat down
You have the right to remain silent...
...while Shaq grabs your ass.

Labels: , , ,

9 Comments:
Anonymous padraig said...
I'm sure Reserve Officer O'Neal is in hot pursuit of the ne'er-do-wells, unless he's too busy with his anti-child obesity campaign. Do you think Shaq was the first person Antoine called after the fact? I like to think so. Seriously, when I heard about this my first thought was that Pat Riley was unhappy with Toine's off-season conditioning regimen.

Also, I didn't realize that Reggie Miller was like Jerry Rice-ahead of everybody else in 3PAs.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Well, Reggie not only tossed up a lot of threes, he did it for 20 years. That's a LOT of shots...

Anonymous padraig said...
hell, it's the same thing as Rice, except that Rice was maybe the greatest football player ever, while Reggie's sport required him to at least pretend to play defense. You know what I always wonder about Reggie? I have this sneaking suspicion that Cheryl in her prime could take Reggie in his prime 1-on-1. With no screens to run off of I'm not very confident in his ability to create off the dribble and you know there's absolutely no way he'd be able to stop Chery from scoring.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
When I think about Reggie, I always think about my grandpa. See, when my grandpa was in his 20s and 30s, he rode a Harley Davidson, drank hard, wore white t-shirts with a pack of cigarettes rolled up in the sleeve, kibitzed with the ladies, and was your basic post-WWII badass. I never knew that guy. The grandpa I knew wore slacks and dress shoes every day, which he complimented with identical (but different-colored) short-sleeve, button-down shirts that had a pen and pad of paper in the chest pocket. He was a well-spoken, ultra-organized neatfreak who loved his family and didn't take chances.

Now, just because I didn't know that mid-20s tough guy doesn't mean he didn't exist. You know? It's the same with Reggie. The guy played in The League for 18 years. Most people only remember the Reggie of the last 6 or 7 years. Hell, even giving people a little benefit of the doubt, I'll say they clearly remember the last decade of his career.

But you know, that Reggie was a little different than the Reggie from the late 80s and early 90s. Reggie was faster than people remember, and he had a real knack for taking guys off the dribble. He could either take it to the cup or pull up for a mid-range jumper. And he did it against the best. He dropped a couple 40-spots on Michael Jordan in the early 90s, when Jordan was at his defensive best and actually guarded Miller (by the mid to late-90s, Phil Jackson gave Ron Harper that assignment).

Seriously, I've got several old Pacers games from around '89 to '93, and most people wouldn't recognize Reggie's game. But it existed.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Reggie basically evolved for the better, much like MJ. Once they both reached their 30s, they realized that they weren't as quick or as athletic as the younger guys, so rather than abusing their bodies nightly, they just started using a jumpshot (fadeaway in MJ's case) to get their 20 plus a night. Plus, his competitiveness just increased every year. If Artest didn't go beserk in 2004, Reggie would probably be sitting pretty with a ring right now.

Anonymous padraig said...
Oh, dude, don't get wrong. I'm not denying the of awesome deadliness Reggie's game; I turned 10 in '94, so he's definitely one of the "other than Jordan" basketball heroes of my childhood, especially because he'd school guys every year despite having the phsyique of an anemic 12 year old girl. Hell, he was still pretty potent in the early 00s. It's kind of a shame that all anyone remembers is Tayshaun chasing him down for the block in '04 ('03? one of those) and a slew of clutch shots to break Spike Lee's heart. Probably the best pure shooter ever.

On the contrary, I was really referring to how awesome Cheryl was; until Candace Parker absolutely dominates womens' ball for a looong time, Cheryl's the best womans' player ever in my book. Have you ever seen a tape of her playing? She got drafted out of college by a freaking men's league; sure, it was the 80s equivalent of the CBA, but still. She's like the female Dr. J except she never even got an ABA. She just skipped ahead to getting shafted because she blew out her knees way before the WNBA was founded.

Anonymous Bob said...
Heh, if it weren't for the fact that robbery does suck, I'd shit and giggle at Antoine Walker. Hopefully they catch the guys who do it but they don't recover the stuff.

Blogger mujahedin said...
Antoine is shooting a lot of threes even in the NBA live 2007... Those guys in EA Sports are doing a great job!

Blogger Basketbawful said...
padraig -- Cheryl was awesome. One of those rare women that make me think the WNBA could work. If, you know, we had, like, 20 of her...

bob -- Yeah, I know. I feel kind of bad for laughing at crime, but come on...it's Antoine Walker! I read his Mercedes was recovered...

mujahedim -- The real question is this: is he hitting a high pecentage of his threes? If so, those guys aren't doing their job. Which reminds me of NBA Live '96. This guy who lived in the dorm room next to mine got it before me, and I'd go over and play it with him despite the fact the he had a mutant set of teeth. Anyway, he used to always trade Dennis Rodman to his team, and Rodman would always shoot lights out from beyond the arc. He didn't tamper with Rodman's abilities, either. Used to drive me friggin' nuts...

Links to this post:
Create a Link