"I'll always be number one to myself."
~Moses Malone

The story: Moses Malone was one of the most dominant centers in NBA history. He won three regular season MVPs (in 1979, 1982, and 1983), and he was also named Finals MVP in 1983 when he lead the Philidelphia 76ers to a four-game sweep on the Los Angeles Lakers. But for much of his career, he was an arrogant, irritable, grumbling brute of a man who had an unfortunate habit of bragging himself up while badmouthing his opponents (see below). And although Moses, by all indications, has chilled out in his later years, he'll always be number one...for me to go number two on.

"Moses does eat shit!"
~Larry Bird

The story: The Houston Rockets were playing the Boston Celtics in the 1981 NBA Finals. With the series tied at two games a piece, Moses stated pooped all over the Celtics in the press, stating emphatically that he had no respect for them. He even went to far as to say that he could pick any four guys off the playground in his hometown of Petersburg, Virgina, and the five of them could easily beat the Celtics. Moses soon learned that just like you shouldn't shoot a grizzly bear in the ass with a BB gun, you also shouldn't piss off Larry Bird and the Celtics. Boston went on to win Game 5 by 29 points, and then they finished off the Rockets in Houston in Game 6. During the championship rally back in Boston, a fan held up a sign that said "Moses eats shit". Larry smiled when he saw it and loudly agreed...much to the crowd's delight.