Don't let the monstrous height, or those disproportionate limbs, or that creepy, deathless gaze fool you. Dirk Nowitzki is human, just like everyone else. Only taller. And uglier. Oh, and he has a kickass jump shot too.
Another thing you might not know about Dirk is that he gets nervous like the rest of us, especially when he's at the freethrow line. But instead of doing what anyone else would do when their nerves are strained -- imagine hot women in their underwear -- Dirk, er, sings to himself.
He isn't singing cool rock songs like I Stand Alone by Godsmack, or even timeless German classics like Adolph Hitler's Der Nachtmusik zum Kuchen Herren bei. Nope, big Dirk is humming inspirational ballads by none other than that maestro of magnificence, David Hasselhoff."What's that hand doing between my legs...mmmm, David Hasselhoff..."How cool would life be if every time something bad happened, the reassuring image of David Hasselhoff was there to help you through. Those manly pecs, that thick, lusterous chest hair. David, take me away!"What, no foul! Why I oughtta...mmmm, David..."Seriously, name one problem David Hasselhoff couldn't fix. Stuck in traffic? He could call K.I.T.T. to just turbo boost you out of there. Drowing in the ocean after a shark bit your legs off? He'll send Pamela Anderson's boobs out to rescue you. Need to book music for your wedding? The dude sings. So next time you're in a sticky situation, like maybe playing the saxophone without any pants on, just think about David Hasselhoff. He'll be there for you."I can't even play this thing! Mmm...David Hasselhoff.Naked. With puppies. I can do anything!"