Rape Ghost!

The Washington Wizards Generals: Sigh. It's the same old story for this sorry squad. Sure, they were playing at home against an aging and slumping Celtics team that was without Rajon Rondo (sprained wrist). And, yeah, Boston lost the services of Ray Allen with six and a half minutes to go in the second quarter after Ray-Ray sprained the wrist connected to his shooting hand.

Enter Paul Pierce. The Truth had managed only a feeble 20 total points in his previous two games. Didn't matter. The Generals are like a Fountain of Healing to their opponents, and Pierce finished with a season-high 34 points on 10-for-15 from the field and 12-for-15 from the line. He also had season-bests in assists (10) and steals (3).

Believe it or not, Washington actually came back from a 15-point third quarter deficit to take a one-point lead in the fourth...

...but Pierce and Kevin Garnett closed them out. KG even jumped for the first time in the 2011-12 season.

Note the stellar D by Andray Blatche.

Said Generals coach Flip Saunders: "We got ahead because we defended, got ahead and ran, and we moved the ball offensively. Then all of a sudden we got ahead and the ball had Velcro."

Flip Saunders, quote machine: "Ten days ago we weren't competing at a high level. We've gotten to the point now we're competing at a high level. Now we've got to find a way to close out these games."

In possibly related news, the Generals are a league-worst 2-14 and are the only team still winless on the road (0-6). But, hey, at least they're competing at a high level now.

The Toronto Craptors: Aaaaaaaaand...here we go:

Tonight's Craptoriffic loss came courtesy of Mo Williams, who single-handedly turned back Toronto's rally from a 22-point deficit by scoring The Other L.A. Team's first 17 points of the fourth quarter. That's right. Their first 17 points.

And people say he shouldn't have been an All-Star a few years back.

(Those people are right, but that's another story.)

Said Mo: "I didn't do it by myself. I mean, let's get that straight. Anytime you're doing something, you're not doing it alone. You can't play one-on-five -- not in this league. It might look like it because I'm the guy making the baskets. But trust me, there's a lot of things that have to go on for me to get the ball in the right spots."

You can't play one-on-five? Not in this league? Kobe Bryant begs to differ, Mo.

But I digress.

The Craptors didn't lose only because they forgot to put a talon or two in Williams' face. Defense was also an issue, as evidenced in this appropriately titled video Clippers Put On Dunking Clinic In Win Over Raptors:

Toronto was down 27-11 after 12 minutes.

Said DeMar DeRozan: "Another loss -- and the way we lost is definitely frustrating. We dug ourselves our own hole. We tried to fight back, but teams are too good in this league to allow that. Teams are going out there and jumping on our team. No one likes to take a loss, so we need to act like it from the start."

Added Craptors coach Dwane Casey: "Our starts have been horrendous. We compete harder in practice than we do to start the games. That is nothing against the Clippers. They've got a very solid basketball team, and they are going to be in the money at the end of the day."

And the Craptosaurs will be out of the money. At the end of the day, the week, the month, the season...

The Miami cHeat: Well now. Despite shooting a bawful 35 percent from the field -- including a gak-inducing 16 percent (5-for-30) from three-point range -- the Bucks managed to beat the cHeat in Miami despite coming in with a 1-8 record outside of Milwaukee.

How'd that happen? Well, the cHeat had season-worsts in points (82) and field goal percentage (37), committed 22 turnovers for 22 points going the other way, and tied an NBA season-low with only 9 assists...which also happened to be the second-lowest total in Miami franchise history.

Said LeBron James: "We can't make no excuses for ourselves."

Cool. I hate excuses.

Added LeBron: "But no one had energy from the start of the game to the end."

Wait. Isn't that an excuse?

Said cHeat coach Erik Spoelstra: "We're not going to make any excuses."

Cool. I hate excuses.

Added Spoelstra: "That's a busy week but that's not an excuse for tonight."

Wait. Isn't that an excuse?

The Bucks have now won consecutive road games for the first time since December 2010. Thank you, Miami cHeat.

Bonus bawful from the AP recap: The teams combined for almost as many TOs (11) as field goals (12) in the third quarter.

LeBron James, quote machine: Regarding teammate Shane Battier calling Miami's performance a clunker: "I don't even know what that means. Shane has words I've never heard, maybe it's a college word."

I'm guessing LeBron isn't winning too many games of Words with Friends.

The Charlotte Bobcraps: Games against teams like the Nyets -- even if they're on the road -- are among the rare opportunities for the Bobcraps to actually come away with a win. Last night wasn't one of those nights though.

As Nyets coach Avery Johnson screamed it: "WE FIGURED THAT [THE] FIRST TEAM TO 100 WOULD REALLY HAVE A CHANCE TO WIN."

So the Little General coaches by Lawler's Law. Nice.


He's kind of right. Charlotte was 37-for-79 while New Jersey went 38-for-86. So the Nyets made ONE more shot. Although they shot a lower percentage. But even that's enough to beat the Bobcraps.

The Los Angeles Lakers: The Pacers really won this one by a nose! Ha ha ha a ha ha ho ha a he he a ha oh ah ha. Okay. I'm done.

Roy Hibbert got his nose busted up last night by, of course, Kobe Bryant. It didn't stop the kid from coming back to the game and scoring 8 of his 18 points in the fourth quarter to lead Indy to a road victory in L.A.

Said Hibbert: "Kobe spun baseline, I jumped straight up and he inadvertently elbowed me in the face. It didn't hurt that much. I couldn't get it fixed up because they didn't have a doctor here to put it back in place, but I went back here and got an X-ray done.

"They didn't want me to come back out, but I told them I'm going to no matter what. So if I got hit again, that's fine. I could always get cosmetic surgery at the end of the season to fix it. I'm a tough player, and I just wanted to play through it and make sure we got this win. This game was really important to us. I just wanted to make sure I found open shooters and cutters and score whenever I could."

In the end, Hibbert (18 points, 9-for-13, 8 boards, 4 assists, +18) outplayed Andrew Bynum (16 points, 6-for-12, 8 rebounds, 1 assist, +6), again putting a damper on Chris Webber's and Shaq's pronouncements that Andy is the league's best center. Pau Gasol wimped out (8 points on 4-for-12 from the field) and Kobe continued shooting the hell out of the basketball (14-for-30) to no avail.

At the end of the night, the Lakers scored only 96 points on 41 percent shooting, which included going 2-for-9 on threes. They also bricked 11 free throws. Kind of meaningful in a two-point loss, right?

As the AP recap pointed out, the Lakers "have failed to reach 100 points for the 11th straight game -- their longest streak since a 12-game stretch in 2003-04."

Said Kobe: "We're really not shooting the ball well. We have to start knocking down some of those shots. The opposition is shooting the ball much better than we are, especially from 3. After the first quarter, we opened the floodgates and just let them score at will. Then you compound that with the fact that we're having a tough time scoring."

Added Lakers coach Mike Brown: "We've got to give Indiana credit because they outworked us. It's too bad, because we came out and played great defense. But then the last three quarters, we didn't play with a sense of urgency. We thought Indiana would fold to a certain degree, and we kind of went through the motions. This game was tough to swallow."

You...you thought the Pacers would fold? That was your game plan, Mike?

Former Lakers assistant and current Pacers assistant can see some problems with L.A.'s offense. They're pretty obvious and, actually, it's not about how many shots Kobe is taking. It's about where other guys' shots are coming from: "I did notice that [Pau's] out on the floor a lot more, a lot further away from the basket. So that kind of neutralizes him. Those two big guys [Gasol and Andrew Bynum], that's always been the strength of this team. You want your biggest guys close to the basket."

No kidding.

Added Gasol: "I would like to get a little more inside, myself. I always like to have different looks and be able to attack from different angles. The second half I didn't have one chance to attack from the post, so I was more of a facilitator. I got two jumpers, open, that I missed, and that was all the opportunities that I had. A little too many jumpers for my taste. I'd like to get a couple more looks inside the paint. That'll increase the [shooting] percentage."

Mike Brown strikes again.

Chris' Lacktion Ledger:

Celtics-Generals: Greg Stiemsma fouled once after making contact with a Piranha Plant in 47 seconds, earning a Mario, +1, AND a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl! Sasha Pavlovic found a pot of gold worth 3.7 trillion (3:43).

Craptors-Clippers: Amir Johnson wheeled his way into the ledger by countering a board and free throw in 7:06 with two fouls and a turnover for a 3:2 Voskuhl.

Courtney Fortson gave Lob City a brick from the First Interstate Tower in 6:06 and added on three lost rocks and a foul for a +5, while Travis Leslie spun one foul in 2:45 for a +1.

Bobcats-Nyets: Larry Owens turned on his Super Nintendo for just 12 seconds before powering off on a Mario!

Bucks-El (Oh El) Heat: Eddy Curry chomped down two fouls and a delicious baked turnover in 5:45, negating a board to give South Beach a 3:1 Voskuhl!!!!!


Blogger Michael Hsu said...
Please post retarded Kobe!
He celebrates by mocking retarded people.


Anonymous Czernobog said...
I wonder what Ettore Messina thinks about the Lakers' offense. They brought over perhaps the brightest basketball mind in Europe in order to help run a "give it to Kobe and let him shoot a shitty contested long 2 pointer" offense?

Blogger Wormboy said...
OK, LeDumbass having never heard the word "clunker" cracked my ass up. That's not a college word, LeBron, that's a middle school word. Is that about the time when you checked out of school, planning to be a pro athlete?

And what the hell is LeBron wearing there? Did HGTV, OWN or Martha Stewart televise one of the cHeat games?

re: the AP recap on the Lakers: couldn't they have said "their longest streak since a 12-game stretch in 2003-04 when Shaq was too fat to play?"

Also, I think it's pretty clear that for some reason Pau Gasol is just done as a star, and is just a role player. I was willing to cut the guy some slack because he was so amazing during the two Lakers championship runs, but how much can you actually cover for a guy? He's officially washed up. Though yes, it's true that he should be working around the basket where his superlative footwork and passing can come into play. OK, we could call this Mike Brown fail, but where has Pau been the last two playoffs?

And, as usual, I love the "this is why you fail" bit. So very, very apt for NBA bawful with it's spoiled players who never really learned the fundamentals. Especially in this situation, since the Pacers are arguably a better team than the Snakers this season. I don't think you should expect better teams to fold.

Blogger Gökhan said...
man i was having a bad day until seeing that defense from andrey blatche. i mean a scarecrow would have guarded him better.

btw my pacers are making me very proud this year. words can't express how glad i'm to see them play like this.

Blogger Lord Kerrance said...
Does he mock them by calling them names like "retarded"?

Captcha: fumbily. As in "John Wall will be a top-five PG once he stops being all fumbily."

Anonymous Naz said...
For once I agree with Wormboy (I say for once since the Heat is my favorite team :p), Pau Gasol is absolutely done and not even a great offense run with the best coach ever could change that, since if he wasn't completely washed up as a player then Phil Jackson and the triangle offense would have been able to avoid a sweep by utilizing any talents Pau might have had that are now all gone.

Fact of the matter is this year's Lakers team is the Wizards with Jordan. At this point I'd be surprised if they even made it to the playoffs.

Blogger kazam92 said...
Those would be the legendary Miami Floridian uniforms of the ABA team of the early 70s Worm.

And they are bawful.

Blogger 49er16 said...
Did the Heat steal those uniforms from the ABA?

Blogger Justin said...
I can't believe LeBron thinks clunker is a college word. It's better when these athletes are silent and mysterious because some of them are so stupid.

Anonymous Czernobog said...
@Wormboy: I'm not sure exactly how you define a star as opposed to a role-player, but Pau hasn't gone anywhere.

He's an elite passer, elite low-post scorer, elite rebounder, well above average screener, and decent team defender. Those are the things he brings to a team. If they can't get production out of him then there's a problem apart from him.

If he's being used as a spot-up shooter, well... there's your problem.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Pau is one of the most underrated players in NBA history.

People mocked him for not being able to make it out of the first round in Memphis, but he hadn't been in the league that long. The Griz were just taking the lumps that all the up-and-coming teams take. They won 50 games a season for three years until Pau was injured, then they became a lottery team and he was traded.

The Lakers, on the other hand, had trouble even making the playoffs, but when Pau got there they went to the finals three years in a row: they lost the first year, won the second (Pau was tougher than Howard), and won the third year (Pau was the true finals MVP). Last year they got swept by a team of hungry veterans -- a wake up call that would've had them playing better this year had the team remained intact.

Now Pau is taking three-point shots on the perimeter because Mike Brown wants to feel Kobe's tongue between his salty neck folds and, behold, the Lakers are mediocre again.

Blogger Wormboy said...
@Czerno: Looks at Pau's advanced stats for 09-10 and 10-11, reg and playoffs. Gasol arguably should be 2010 Finals MVP, where Kobe's stats fell off. Gasol gacked in last year's playoffs. He has recovered some, but is still not nearly as good statistically. Just watching games validates this statistical breakdown with an in-game impression. Gasol's not sucking, but he's limited.

I know stats aren't everything, but Gasol's production has dropped dramatically since the start of the playoffs last year. He's bounced back some, but not enough. Last year the speculation was that he got over-used due to injuries, and just couldn't get his mojo back. *IF* that's true, how will he fare this year, without Odom and the schedule from hell?

So OK, Gasol is better than a role player, but he's certainly not the guy he was in the 2010 Finals, where I think he was the best player on the court amongst a pack of Hall-of-Famers.

Blogger Bing said...
I'd suggest Pau has been playing away from the basket because (Kobe aside) LA has no one who can create a play out there. It's not ideal but what else should they do?

No Odom, no S-Brown, almost no bench points (most nights).

Can't wait for the chorus of the Clippers game on Wednesday being dubbed a "must win" for the Lakers.

Blogger Lord Kerrance said...
@ Anon: "Salty neck folds" is now a phrase I'll be hearing in my nightmares for years.

It's really tough to see where Pau's at this year. Yes, he's sucking at what he's doing, but it's not where he wants to be (he said he wants to be closer to the basket). Until Kobe's usage rate drops below 1/3 of his team's offence (seriously, WTF?) or he gets injured, we'll never really know what his teammates can do.

And if/when that happens, it'll still take a few games for everyone to get used to the fact that the ball's in their hands and that moving around will net a pass.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Said LeBron James: "We can't make no excuses for ourselves."

haha, technically that's a double negative. Ergo, he could make an excuse. Trolling aside, love your site. Keep it up!