“The rules of Yarthies are simple,” I say, pacing inside the circle. “If one player directly hands another player something – anything – and the other player takes it, the giver can say ‘Yarthies,’ and the game is over.”

Plunger throws his plunger at me. I catch it.

“Yarthies,” Plunger says, grinning.

“Nope,” I say. “Nothing can be thrown, tossed, hurled, or otherwise chucked at the other person. The object can only be…” I walk over to Plunger and hand it to him. “…handed over, and…” he takes it, “…accepted. The game relies on a mental lapse of the receiver. If he takes the item, he is susceptible to Yarthies.”

“You said these games can last a long time…sometimes years,” Patch says.

“That’s right,” I say.

“What if the giver has a mental lapse, and just happens to hand another player something, but forgets to say anything?” Patch says.

“Then the game continues,” I say.

Patch nods his understanding.

“The first couple of games against Frank lasted only a few hours,” I say. “He would hand me a pen or a piece of paper, and I was done. Our third game lasted 8 months. It ended when Frank told me a USB drive he was holding contained ‘the greatest video ever.’ Assuming it was porn, I took it from him without a thought, and he won. The fourth game lasted 2 years. Frank won that game when he happened to be sitting next to me in a company meeting. There was a handout that came to Frank first. He took one, handed the rest to me, and whispered Yarthies out the corner of his mouth. There have been no games since.”

“So you’ve never won,” Tooth says.

“Correct,” I say.

Tooth grins.

“So this is it,” he says.

“This is what?” I say.

“The reason you’re here,” he says.

I say nothing, choosing instead to let the story tell itself.

The double bed from the guest room of Frank and Bonnie’s home appears. Shannon lies in it, staring forlornly at the ceiling. I climb in next to her.

“We finally gonna get our sex scene?” Patch says.

“Yes,” I say.

Really?” Patch says.

“No,” I say.

Patch frowns.

I lie down next to Shannon and join her in staring at the ceiling.

The circle shrinks as everyone leans in.

And it begins.


Travelling: Intro / Book Jacket, Chapter 1: Cribbagegate, Chapter 2: Two e-mails, Chapter 3: Pattern, Chapter 4: Shattered, Chapter 5: Hilarious Pee, Chapter 6: Suicide, Chapter 7/8: Coaching High school, Shark attacks and appetizers, Chapter 9: June, Chapter 10: 18 and oh no, Chapter 11: DNA, Chapter 12: Peanut Butter Sandwiches, Chapter 13: Tom Brady and the McGuffin, Chapter 14: Game 1, Chapter 15: Who the H is John Havlicek?, Chapters 16 - 17, Chapter 18: Game 2: Great White, Chapter 19: Pickle, Chapter 20: Marty McFly, Chapter 21 / 22: standard deviation, all the pretty flowers, Chapter 23: Game 3: Black Hills, Chapter 24: Twister, Chapter 25: Game 4, Chapter 26: Patriotic Agony, Chapter 27: Locusts, Chapter 28: skype, Chapter 29: Click, Chapter 30: Superman, Chapter 30: Ass Brunch Chapter 32: Mammoth, Chapter 33: Pathetic, Chapter 34: Purple and Gold, Chapter 35: Chowdah, Chapter 36: Mastermind, Chapter 37: m&m cookie dough, Chapter 38: taste, Chapter 39: Dance with the Devil, Chapter 40: Game 7, Chapter 41: 17 to 11, Chapter 42: One Mold, Chapter 43: Stink Smell, Chapter 44: Yarthies, Chapter 45: Oops baby, Chapter 46: Winnah

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Blogger Evil Ted said...
I know this is a short one. May do an afternoon post. Be pleasant, and we'll see....


Blogger Will said...
Full disclosure: I haven't made eye contact with my older sister for about 17 years. The reason for this is not that we can't stand each or that we are hideous to look at. The reason for this is so I can avoid being winked at and having to admit it. This post reminded me of that.

Anonymous JJ said...
Are we going to get our sex scene if we're REALLY pleasant?

Blogger Evil Ted said...
Will - Winking contest of some sort?

JJ - No sex, but, cross fingers, you'll be sweating, breathless, and satisfied when it's all over.


Blogger AnacondaHL said...
What's the expiration period on a missed Yarthies? 5 seconds? minutes?

Blogger Rhett said...
if you accept this comment can I call yarthies?

Blogger Evil Ted said...
Ana - 5 seconds is a reasonable time. The amount of time may be extended slightly if the giver knows he has won and is merely milking the moment, as in: "oh, by the way, beyotch, Yarthies."

Rhett - There is not yet such a thing as digitized yarthies, but I'm sure we can come up with something.


Anonymous Anonymous said...
Since when did sex leave you breathless, sweating or satisfied?

Maybe I've been married too long.