Chapter 24

“A zombie?” I say. “Really?

“Oh, come on,” Patch says. “You gotta give us something. The place was fine, the TV worked, and you watched the game. How do you expect to keep our attention if you don’t throw a zombie or two in there?”

“Why Shannon?” I say. “Why does she have to be the zombie?”

“Well, she is a compelling antagonist,” Stache says. “You’ve already shown her to be edgy and tenacious. Zombie seems to work.”

“Look,” I say. “Shannon and I deal with normal issues that men and women have struggled with since the beginning of time, but that doesn’t make her evil, and it doesn’t mean we don’t love each other.”

“Boooo-riiiiing,” Bandana says, eliciting chuckles throughout the room.

“You guys remember the movie Twister?” Patch says. “Remember how there was, like, an evil storm chaser team that drove black SUVs? What if Doug was being followed around the country by a young, childless, Laker fan couple in a yellow convertible? That would be cool, right?”

Airdate: Saturday, November 18 (8-11 ET)

"It's not zombies, Jo! Or even Level 5s!
It's Laker Fans!"

Everyone nods.

“You know what?” I say. “This is my story, and I’m not going to just make up zombies, werewolves, vampires, or even Laker fans to try to entertain you.”


Insert ominous Jaws-style music here.

Tooth resumes his moderator duties. “Doug has a point,” he says. “Part of reining in our competitive nature is learning self-control, and being able to listen to others with patience and respect.” Tooth leans forward and speaks to me in a hushed voice. “But Doug?” he says. “If there are any slow parts, you may want to skip over them.”

“Fine,” I say, looking around at the group as if I’m about to unleash a narrative atom bomb.

“Game four. Devil’s Tower.


Travelling: Intro / Book Jacket, Chapter 1: Cribbagegate, Chapter 2: Two e-mails, Chapter 3: Pattern, Chapter 4: Shattered, Chapter 5: Hilarious Pee, Chapter 6: Suicide, Chapter 7/8: Coaching High school, Shark attacks and appetizers, Chapter 9: June, Chapter 10: 18 and oh no, Chapter 11: DNA, Chapter 12: Peanut Butter Sandwiches, Chapter 13: Tom Brady and the McGuffin, Chapter 14: Game 1, Chapter 15: Who the H is John Havlicek?, Chapters 16 - 17, Chapter 18: Game 2: Great White, Chapter 19: Pickle, Chapter 20: Marty McFly, Chapter 21 / 22: standard deviation, all the pretty flowers, Chapter 23: Game 3: Black Hills, Chapter 24: Twister, Chapter 25: Game 4

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Blogger Evil Ted said...
The next chapter is a bit short too. If people don't whine, I may reward you with an afternoon post.


Blogger chris said...
It's funny, I listen to one of the songs off of the Twister soundtrack yesterday (Twisted by Lindsey Buckingham and Stevie Nicks)...and then you put up this post.

Brilliant timing, my friend.


Anonymous Anonymous said...
Beasley caught with weed again. Dumbass...

Blogger bullzag said...
I remember when I was on a family roadtrip and we visited Devil's Tower.....even then I thought it was pretty lame, just one tall rock in the middle of nowhere, Wyoming.

Blogger Rhett said...
this is me not whining!

Blogger Wormboy said...
"rein in," not "reign in."

Blogger Evil Ted said...
Thank you, Wormboy. Fixed.