The most intense game of Rock-Paper-Scissors EVER

Well, it's stopped raining just long enough to give me false hope that we'll have some nice weather. It'll start pissing down rain again in a few hours and screw up all of my plans for tomorrow. Thankfully we have playoff basketball to keep me entertained while I'm stuck inside this weekend!

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

This man hit a higher percentage of free throws than LeBron last night

"I don't wanna hear that!"

Man, the Crypt Keeper looks like hell these days
(For those who don't know, it's actually NBA superfan Jim Goldstein)
(via Deadspin)

Kevin and Russell practice their dance moves for later that night at the club

All The Friday Games: (all times Eastern)
Celtics at Heat - ESPN, 7:00pm
Celtics lead series 2-0
No NBA team has ever rallied back from a 0-3 deficit in the playoffs. So, uh, yeah, no pressure or anything in this game, Miami.

Mavericks at Spurs - ESPN, 9:30pm
Series tied 1-1
Tim Duncan turns 34 this weekend. Think about that for a second. He's been in the league for a long ass time now and looked as stiff as Greg Ostertag down the stretch in the regular season. And then the playoffs come and he looks like he just turned back the clock five years. Unbelievable. Appreciate this guy's game while you still can, folks.

Nuggets at Jazz - ESPN2, 10:30pm
Series tied 1-1
Oh, how I hope we don't see another 67-foul affair like the last game in this series. Yeah, rules are rules, but come on, refs. Nobody wants to watch a free throw shooting exhibition. Well, nobody that I know at least. I'm sure there's some sick bastard out there who enjoys watching endless free throws and three hour games, but that's definately the minority.

* * *

All The Saturday Games:
Magic at Bobcats - TNT, 2:00pm
Magic lead series 2-0
Is this series over yet? Honestly. I'm having a lot of trouble finding even one compelling thing about this series. (You know, aside from goofy Stan Van Gundy pictures and the ever-present potential for Vag Carter to do or say something stupid)

Suns at Frail Blazers - TNT, 4:30pm
Suns lead series 2-1
Call me crazy, but I don't see Jason Richardson raining threes all over the Blazers for consecutive games. Just a hunch.

Hawks at Bucks - ESPN, 7:00pm
Hawks lead series 2-0
Toward the end of the regular season, I was excited about the possibilities of the Bucks making the early rounds of the Eastern Conference playoffs interesting. Then Bogut jacked up his arm and all of those hopes went to Hell in a handbasket. Can I just pretend this series isn't even happening? It's roughly as compelling as the Magic/Bobcats series.

Lakers at Thunder - ESPN, 9:30pm
Lakers lead series 2-1
Thursday night, I was exhausted thanks to my lingering sinus infection, so after I got stomach-punched by the Senators beating the Penguins in triple-overtime, I went to bed and missed the end of the Lakers/Thunder game. I would like to nominate myself for a WOTN for that. Here's to hoping for an exciting Game 4 that I actually get to watch!

* * *

All The Sunday Games:
Celtics at Heat - ABC, 1:00pm
Celtics lead series 2-1 (as of Friday)

Crabs at Bulls - ABC, 3:30pm
Crabs lead series 2-1
This series has really turned out to be a fair bit more interesting than I anticipated. Who knew Kirk Hinrich would be a factor? Kirk freaking Hinrich...

Mavericks at Spurs - TNT, 7:00pm
Series tied 1-1 (as of Friday)

Nuggets at Jazz - TNT, 9:30pm
Series tied 1-1 (as of Friday)

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Blogger JHaas said...
Dude, VDN looks like he's giving a huge blowjob.

Blogger Ash said...
I'm sorry, but that Vinny Del Negro picture is less rock, paper, scissors and more "INVISIBLE COCK AND BALLS" to me.

But whatever.

Probably right about richardson not going off on the blazers, but he already sort of did it in consecutive games (4 of 5 from 3 in game 2).

Blogger Unknown said...
You could have captioned the VDN picture like this:

"Cup the balls, stroke the shaft, suck the tip" or just insert any other dick-sucking joke.

Blogger Will said...
I think the Notorious VDN has spied a cutie in the crowd and is not-so-subtly telling her he wants a BJ.

Blogger Barry said...
I'm prone to overreact whenever my beloved Celtics are showing their best. They will probably regress to the 2nd half of the season mean in the next 2 games and then make it a 7-gamer.

Word verification: mints

Blogger Will said...
Jon Gruden, unintentional dirty quote machine: "I was up all night with Mel Kiper. We were grindin'." Did he just come out of the closet?

Blogger Dan B. said...
Agreed on the VDN pic caption, but I thought I'd take the high road and avoid the obvious to give you a second joke. I think I overthought this one...

Anonymous Mladen said...
Vinny looks pretty much ready for the money shot over there (and believe me, I've seen a lot of porn, so I know a "cum on my face" face, when I see one)...

Blogger stephanie g said...
Worst call of the playoffs in the 2nd quarter of the Boston-Miami game. Apparently if someone runs into your back on the break it's an offensive foul.

Anonymous kazam92 said...
The Drain is a waste of air

Anonymous kazam92 said...
So Wade chucks up an ugly 3, gets hurt, then watches as pierce rips the heart out of the team

All the while, The Drain. 1-7 2 pts. Had he showed a pulse, haslem wouldn't have had to play undersized center and gotten outrebounded

Anonymous DKH said...
stephanie g,

I saw that play and thought the call was totally reasonable. Rondo cut across Wade's path and then slowed down. It was basically a moving screen (I don't know if that's the foul they call, but it's the same effect). I've seen the same call made before, so at least they are consistent on it.

(Apologies if this is a double post, blogger is behaving oddly.)

Anonymous Czernobog said...
There's life in the old warhorse yet.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
The side by side of Manu's nose pre- and post-Dirk-elbow is unintentionally hilarious.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Unintentionally dirty quote alert: Van Gundy on KG - "but he's too long he can always get off"

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Jason Terry: Should probably get a worst of the weekend mention, if it weren't for the fact that he was the Spurs' best player.

Blogger mg said...
Mavs are now 1-17 in the playoffs since 2000 when Dan Crawford is part of the officiating crew.

Blogger Czernobog said...
Oh, Nuggets. You fail so very, very hard.

Blogger mg said...
Butler (2 pts, 2 rbs, 2 pf, 3 to)and Marion (3-9 fg, 3 rbs) were terrible tonight, WAY worse than Terry (17 points in 15 shots).

Blogger 80's NBA said...
Apparently, there is a racist on the Celtics. As they are celebrating Pierce's buzzer beater, someone in the celebration huddle screams out... "Good shot n..."

It's at the 0:34 mark of this video

Blogger stephanie g said...
Manu is the bizarro Vince.

Also jumping the gun here, but could Dirk become the only MVP to lose in the first round as both a 1st and 2nd seed? I know he's the only player you can handcheck above the FT line, he's averaging like 35/8 or whatever, his team mates fucked the dog in game 3, and the Spurs are only a 7 seed because the West is so crazy and they had injuries and stuff but...just sayin'. For some reason I can't even think of any 2 seeds losing to 7 seeds even though it must have happened a couple times, right?

DKH: Maybe you're right. But on the replay as I remember it seemed like Wade sped up on purpose once he saw Rondo in front of him. The entire thing just looked silly.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
All The Sunday Games:
Celtics at Heat - ABC, 1:00pm
Celtics lead series 2-1 (as of Friday)

Oops. Reverse stat curse?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
80's NBA - The person yelling that is probably KG. I remember a Magic game from earlier this year where the camera was a little too close to the Celtics bench on a time out and caught KG yelling "WE GONNA KILL THESE NIGGAS" a few times.

Of course, they went on to lose the game.

Blogger Donnie said...
Rick Carlisle, unintentional dirty quote machine "If we need to come on him we will." He was talking about double teaming Tim Duncan right after the first quarter.

Blogger Unknown said...
As a Nuggets fan, I'd like someone direct me to the nearest time machine, so that I may transport to the year 3000 and find one of those 25 cent suicide booths like in Futurama. Thanks.

Oh well, at least I get to console myself with the Broncos latest draft, which included a QB that has all the skills and intangibles you'd want in a football player, except for those that might actually make him successful as a pro.

You know what? I don't care. I need something to hope for. I'mma go pre-order my #15 Tebow jersey now.

Anonymous G .Zeppelli said...
Bawful: During my waiting for the next leastern conference playoff game, I found this video on how to be a Clipper, by who I may think is their euro training staff.


If not the Clips, at least the Kings.

Anonymous Karc said...
Thunder are totally pwning the Lakers right now at the half. I love it.

Fastbreak points - 14 to 2
Free throws - 19 to 3
Rebounds - 28 to 21

Basically, they are running into the paint and either scoring or drawing fouls and getting the points there. If they win this game, I'll take the Thunder to win it in 6. Even if they don't win, they've basically given every team in the playoffs the blueprint to beating the Lakers. Converge on the ball (because they won't hit the outside shots), and then run like hell.

Blogger Dan B. said...
Anonymous -- As a Celtics fan, I wish I could claim it was an intentional reverse stat curse. However, it's more that my finger went about a half inch too far up the number pad on my keboard. I cannot use my stat curse powers for good, only for evil. :(

Blogger Clifton said...
YUSS!! Lacktion makes it into an ESPN article.

"Dampier played 27 minutes Friday and managed to accrue more fouls (five) than points and rebounds combined (four)."


Blogger zyth said...
holy shit Brandon Roy.
that is,honestly, all.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
It took me 20 hours, but I've finally come up with a positive spin on this.

Game 1 was the Suns with winners guilt. Game plan adjusted for game 2, all was good.

Game 4 was a mis-plan because no one expected Roy. Game 5, at home, Suns need to show smart adjustment again and destroy Portland by double digits. Dudley and Hill need to rotate on Roy and give Dragic more minutes, and keep the ballhandling out of Barbosa's hands because honestly damn.


Blogger Unknown said...
Anon - Let's pretend that it was Scalabrine that was saying "Good shot nigga!" It's much funnier that way.

Anonymous Karc said...
More fuel to the "Kobe is done" talk.


Anonymous Anonymous said...
"He thought Tony Allen was coming into his lap." - Jeff Van Gundy during the Celtics / Heat game.

Blogger Circle said...
Boston's Big Three Bawfulness summary on Crunch Time: Ray Allen missed THREE STRAIGHT free throws during crunch time. Kevin Garnett followed suit with two bricked freebies of his own, and with his team down 6 with about 40 seconds left, Paul Pierce took a pull-up three on the break, which he missed too. Way to lead the team eh?

Anonymous Mladen said...
I cannot believe the home-cooking for the Bulls right now. I fucking hate the NBA... Fuck you, David Stern!

Blogger Bing said...
Kobe aint done, he is just an idiot for not having surgery and sitting out some mid-season games when he should have.
It's a bad mistake and will cost LA big this year - no doubt.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Sometimes I wonder just how "unintentional" all these dirty quotes are. Is it our dirty minds or theirs? Is the NBA really a vast homoerotic fraternity that pretends to be otherwise, like the priesthood?

In a coincidence to coincidental to be mere coincidence, the WV was exten.

Blogger Coach Maley said...
Typed in best sports blogs into google and this came up. The title of the website alone had me laughing pretty hard. Keep up the good work.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
If someone had told me that Creaky Knees Duncan and Ginosebleed would combine to shoot 5-25 with the Frenchman only adding ten for the Spurs... And that they would win... I would probably have laughed in their face.

What happened Dallas? Massive fail.

Blogger Clifton said...
I hope this link works... because I find this picture hilarious.

Invisible brick wall!

Anonymous tabman5 said...
stephanie g - as for 2 seeds losing to 7 seeds, off the top of my head, the mavs beat the spurs just last season as a 7 seed. i'm sure there's plenty more.

Blogger Barry said...
That really was Kosta Koufos in the game for about a minute....a testimony to play-off lacktion.