According to the official site of Baruch College Athletics, Lebron James visited their ARC facility for a photo shoot. The photo shoot had nothing to do with the college, though; it was, in fact, a shoot for Play Magazine that was arranged exclusively by the New York Times. But that didn't stop everybody on campus from going apeshit, as all 48 students "flocked to the ARC to try to catch a glimpse of the star wearing his Cleveland Cavaliers uniform for the cameras." Those silly Baruch College kids...don't they know he only wears his Cavs uniform during games? The rest of the time he's clad in the purest white samite, and bedecked in gold-encrusted jewels of many hues and sizes.

The site refers to James as "one of the top basketball players in the world and a popular member of the NBA's Cleveland Cavaliers," which is kind of like calling Optimus Prime a popular member of the mighty Autobots. The site also states that the photo shoot "was a well-guarded private event that featured a staff of photographers, security, and personal assistants working to make sure James was prepared and comfortable." I can only assume that means there were a dozen naked models fanning Lebron with giant feathers, while Halle Barry slowly and seductively peeled his grapes before dispensing them into his mouth from the depths of her glistening, heaving bosom.

After the shoot, James made himself available to students for pictures and autographs, which included this gratuitous picture of James and "Baruch student athlete" Dominique McClendon.

Lebron James
McClendon: "Oh my gawd. You're, like, so Lebron James."
James: "Quiet girl. Bron-Bron be smiling for the camera."

James' campus visit had the unfortunate effect of completely overshadowing a vist from the President of the Dominican Republic Leonel Fernandez, who was there to give a speech. This proved once again that guiding the destiny of an entire country -- however small and meaningless -- pales in comparison to men in short-pants putting leather-bound balls into little hoops. When no one showed up to listen to Mr. Fernandez speak, he unleashed a mighty Dominican voodoo curse, after which the very earth opened up and swallowed the school whole, belching fire and brimstone up into the heavens, much to the amusement of Fernandez's savage gods.

Fun-tastic ARC Fact: Three years ago, pop star Justin Timberlake filmed several commercials in the ARC gym to promote the ABC-TV broadcast of NBA league games. Do you remember those awesome commercials? Yeah, me neither.
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The media needs to get a life. As well as everyone else so entranced by sports figures.