View other results (tags: NCAA, Final Four, tournament, college basketball, worst team, March Misery)

Idaho def. Northern Colorado 60-42: Idaho shot an unusual 50% and flushed Northern Colorado into the Futile Four, despite NCO's Michael Gordy's 11 point outburst. The Vandals season comes to a merciful end, but have the benefit of 11 returning players next season. You can't ask for that level of team chemistry. Tanoris Shepard, graduating senior and communications major, is thankfully realistic about this future in basketball. Why didn't someone have this same conversation with Ed O'Bannon? Having escaped the wrath of the Golden Turd, the Vandals can get back to important stuff, like losing to Boise State in every conceivable fashion over and over again.

Ed O'Bannon, customer service department, circa 1998

Texas Christian def. Prairie State A&M 57-43: I was disappointed that my Futile Four pick, TCU, actually showed up and didn't suck. When the Horned Frogs shot a promising 27% and squeezed off 37 points in a 1st round loss against Texas State, I thought they were a lock. But, in a textbook case of one-downsmanship, TCU shot 37% against the Panthers and won in a blowout. TCU Coach Neil Dougherty was surprised by his non-firing at the end of the season and admits he's a "horrible loser". The real problem is that his team is quite good at it. Teams lick the Frogs constantly and don't even get a buzz.

St. Francis def. Stony Brook 47-43: St. Francis shot 28% for the game and won, led by JR Enright's 12 point explosion. I must admit, this is D1 ball at it's absolute worst. The box scores resemble something from a YMCA scrimmage or maybe a girl's middle school game. I have legit respect for St. Francis, if only because they're stubborn enough to not change their name, despite there being 15 other unaffiliated St. Francis Universities in this country. Until this year's 4-24 stinker, the Red Flash always had a decent basketball program, despite being smaller than most junior colleges. Stony Brook just doesn't have an excuse at this point.

Jacksonville def. Morgan State 55-41: The Dolphins came to life and, as a result, Morgan State got their asses handed to them. The Golden Bears were held to 29% shooting, and had 22 turnovers on 16 field goals. You know Jacksonville had a long season when they summarize it with statements like "the program is headed in the right direction academically". With one win on the season, Jacksonville was one of the favorites to lose it all, further proof that bad teams find ways to disappoint everyone to a certain extent. And plus the Dolphin's mascot is a real goddamn dolphin. The mental image of a bunch of college freshmen carting around a pitiful sea creature from town to town in a giant Dixie cup just to watch some of the worst basketball in the country
is the most depressing thought I've had in at least an hour. Dee Brown shakes his head in disgust and pumps up his expensive Reebok Pumps.

These boxscores are just painful to look at, and I expect it to get worse. I'll post them if anyone asks, but please take a long look at yourself in the mirror before asking.