L.A. Times blogger and KTLA producer Ted Green recently published a blog post called Your Guide to Hating The Celtics. It reads like it was written by a drugged six-year-old who was aimlessly bashing a keyboard with his elbows, but that's not the problem. The problem was that this was one of Green's entries:

Pierce's idea of a fun night is going clubbing and getting stabbed. Good times!

This was of course a clumsy reference to the incident in which Pierce "was stabbed 11 times in the face, neck, and back and had a bottle smashed over his head" and "had to undergo lung surgery to repair the damage."

Paul Pierce was almost murdered?! Bwahahahahaha...wait, what?! What kind of supreme asshole thinks that's a punchline? Ted Green, apparently. One assumes he wrote that hilarous little joke while supervising a multiple pony execution at his factory that grinds babies and old people into paste.

Naturally, the L.A. times retracted the stabbing line from Green's post, but as Matthew Fleisher of Media Bistro points out: "...the line is still there on a KTLA cross-post of the piece. KTLA, remember, is where Green has his day job."

What a truly wonderful human being Green is.

But wait, there's more. Green issued the following totally half-assed apology -- if you can even call it that -- on Boston radio station WEEI's Planet Mikey Show:

That one was something I probably should apologize for. That one was not only too close to the line, but maybe over. The truth is I think Paul Pierce is a very, very good player. A Hall of Fame caliber player. I probably shouldn't have gone to the stabbing card.

Probably should apologize for...maybe over the line...probably shouldn't have gone to the stabbing card. Well, then. At least he learned his lesson.

Labels: assholes, Paul Pierce, Ted Green

Until now, I've taken the Bulls annual early-season nose dive with a grain of salt. I chalked it up to the heavy reliance of jump-shooting combined with November rust, topped off with a crippling stretch of road games to accommodate a traveling sideshow. The past three years, the Bulls started off 9-16, 12-19, 3-9. We've been down this road before.

I shrugged it off and casually said to the man they call Basketbawful, "If the Bulls are still under .500 in January, Skiles might be in trouble". In retrospect, that statement isn't entirely wrong. The Bulls are looking down the barrel of a sub-.500 December, and are coming off back-to-back losses by nearly 20 points. A 14-win January? Were the 2007 playoffs that long ago?

The question: Is Scott Skiles responsible for Ben Gordon, Kirk Hinrich, and Ben Wallace devolving into Juan Dixon, Steve Blake, and Michael Cage? Is Skiles accountable for the Kwame Brown-like work ethic of Tyrus Thomas? Was Skiles the one that dealt LaMarcus Aldridge for this guy?

To some people, the answer is yes. Scott Skiles is canned and there will be a little more bourbon in his egg nog tonight. That sound you hear is Isiah Thomas laughing. At all of us. Again. Happy Holidays!

Labels: assholes, Chicago Bulls, john paxson, scott skiles

"I'm still glad that we didn't shake their hands. They were whiners and criers. Piss on them."

-"Mr. Sportsmanship" Bill Laimbeer, referring to how he and the other Detroit Pistons starters marched off the court without shaking hands or offering congratulations after being swept by the Chicago Bulls in the 1991 Eastern Conference Finals. If you're wondering why the Pistons hired Celtics legend Dave Cowens as an assistant coach instead of Laimbeer -- who was named the 2003 WNBA Coach of the Year and led the Detroit Shock to two league titles -- that's probably a good reason why. That and the fact that he's pure, dag nasty evil.

Bill Laimbeer: Proud member of the All-Asshole Team

Labels: assholes, Bill Laimbeer, Chicago Bulls, Detroit Pistons, quotables, sportsmanship