"Hmm, let's see, where could I hide 12 bodies...?"
The New Jersey Nyets: Despite the whole "22 games below .500" thing, the Nyets entered last night's home game against the Bulls as one of the league's hottest. No, really. Their five consecutive victories had them tied with the Oklahoma City for the second-longest active winning streak in the NBA. Okay, sure, their first four victories were against the Craptors (twice), Warriors and Clippers, but their last win had been against the Boston Celtics.

The Nyets!

Then they ran into reality a buzzsaw. The Bulls, after all, had the league's longest active winning streak at seven. They left New Jersey with a winning streak of eight straight games, mostly because they held the Nyets to 34.9 percent shooting and a season-low 73 points. (New Jersey's previous low had been 75 points against the Celtics back on December 5.) The Nyets got only 14 layup attempts and missed nine of them. The Bulls ripped down 17 offensive rebounds and outscored New Jersey 46-22 in the paint.

Said Kris Humprhies: "We just couldn't score points tonight. You look at the stat sheet and we shot in the 30s. We held them to a good amount of points and we just needed to turn it up offensively, but we weren't able to do that."

Added Deron Williams: "We could have played a lot better and shot a lot better, 35 percent from the field is tough to win."

Speaking of Deron...

Deron Williams, worst player of the night: D-Will dished out a game-high 11 assists and, down the stretch, he kept the Nyets within striking distance with his dribble penetration and passing. That said, Williams shot a truly bawful 1-for-12 -- including 0-for-3 from downtown -- and got abused on defense by the previously defenseless Derrick Rose. Derrick swatted two of Deron's shots and, with 3:17 left in the game and the Nyets down only two points, Rose stole a long pass from Williams and went the other way for a fast break layup. Gamebreaker.

In the final tally, the Nyets were outscored by 12 points with Williams on the floor...and they lost by 11.

Get that weak stuff out of here, D-Will!
Kris Humphries' defensive rotation: Dude actually had 16 boards and 5 blocked shots...but his rotation on this dunk was so bad D-Rose almost killed himself slamming the ball home.


The Memphis Grizzlies: This humiliating defeat for the Grizzlies -- a team that's fighting to hold onto the final playoff spot out West by the way -- is best summed up by the following data provided by ESPN Stats and Information:

The New York Knicks set a franchise record with 20 three-pointers in their 120-99 win vs the Memphis Grizzlies. Prior to Thursday, the franchise record for threes in a game had been the 19 the Knicks sank against the Grizzlies on November 12, 2008.

Toney Douglas did a great deal of New York's damage from behind the arc, tying a team record with a career-high nine threes. The only other players to make nine three-pointers in a game this season are J.R. Smith (March 12) and Dorell Wright (November 27).

The best part is that New York's previous franchise high was set against Memphis back in 2008. In that 2008 game, five of those treys were drilled by lil' Nate Robinson and even Zach Randolph hit one for the Knicks, 'cause, you know, he was playing for them back then.

For some reason, it's comforting to know the Grizzlies have a rich history of not putting hands in the faces of the Knicks. Memo to Memphis: It takes more than a Care Bear Stare to make your opponents miss shots.

Speaking of which, how 'bout Tony Douglas? He went 1-of-12 in Sunday's home loss to the Pacers. Last night, he shot 10-for-14 from the field...and 9-for-12 from beyond the arc.

Said Douglas: "Once I started hitting, I felt like there was no defense out there."

That's because there wasn't any defense out there, Toney.

Added Randolph: "They shoot the ball very well against us. It was one of them games, a disappointing game. We came out and played and didn't stick to our game plan [and] didn't stick to the identity of our team the way we play and they blew us out."

Let's see: 120-99? Yep. That qualifies as a blowout, Zach.

Lionel Hollins, coach of the year candidate: "They beat us with 3s last game. They beat us tonight with 3s. I just told our team that if they shoot 3s like that every night, they'd be tough to beat. Obviously they don't because they got smashed by Indiana and beat by Indiana because they didn't make 3s. But you win, you live by the jumper, you die by the jumper. We struggled to guard them on the 3-point line and we struggled to score consistently."

Mike D'Antoni, coach of the year candidate: "Hang in there, we're hanging in there, we're pedaling as fast as we can pedal. The biggest thing, and I'll just keep repeating, is that we're not going to get caught up in the hysteria and we're going to be who we are, we're going to play as well as we can and get it together and hang in as a group and try to make the playoffs and then try to do as good as we can."

The Cleveland Cadavers: On Wednesday night, after Cleveland's come-from-behind victory over the Kings, coach Byron Scott praised his team's effort and toughness. Okay, not really. Here's what he said: "It's amazing what competing will do. I've been very critical the last few games. I told them there are three or four things you need to do every night. We did that tonight. We competed the whole game."

Well, last night, the Cadaver's competed for roughly zero minutes. Uh oh.

And Cleveland's 111-70 loss to the Frail Blazers, Scott held a private 30-minute meeting with his team and then came out and blasted them to the press.

Said Scott: "Our team is so soft mentally it's unbelievable."

Think all the losing is getting to Byron?

More Scott:

"We forgot that we have to come in here and play a team that's much better. Guys didn't have any focus on what we were doing, and it trickled down from one guy to the last guy. We got exactly what we deserved."

And:

"Good old-fashioned butt-whipping. I don't think our guys understood that the team we beat (Wednesday) night has 16 wins and the team we played tonight is playing for something. They came out and played like it."

And:

"We were on our heels the whole night. No resistance defensively. Even the first three or four minutes of the game, we didn't follow our defensive gameplan. Guys didn't have any focus on what we were doing. It trickled down from one guy to the last guy and we got exactly what we deserved."

While Scott sounded straight up homicidal, Baron Davis sounded like he was about ready to be put on suicide watch. And this is a guy who spent the last couple seasons playing for the Clippers.

Said B-Dizzle: "I'm at a loss for words right now. Kind of numb, just numb. It's tough. For the first time in my life I can't draw from anything. I can't find anything. ... They saw blood and they never stopped. It's like we weren't there. By the time we figured out we were there, we were down 30 points."

It was just that kind of night.

The Cadavers fell behind 24-2 out of the gate, trailed by as many as 44 points in the third quarter, and lost by 41. They shot 35.6 percent while allowing the Blazers to convert 54.2 percent of their field goals. Cleveland was outrebounded 45-29 (including 15-7 on the offensive glass) and out-assisted by an absurd 29-6. Oh, and they gave up 28 points off 19 turnovers. But, hey, the Cads had a 30-13 advantage in free throw attempts on the road! Bright side!

Okay, maybe not.

Some noteably bad performances: In 27 minutes, starter Alonzo Gee scored 2 points on 0-for-5 shooting. In 21 minutes, starting shooting guard Anthony Parker -- who was targeted by the Bulls and Celtics and whom the Cadavers didn't want to give up at the trade deadline -- finished with 4 points, 2 turnovers, and 0 assists. Starting power forward Samardo Samuels went 1-for-8 from the field. B-Diddy came off the bench to contribute 3 turnovers and 0 assists while shooting 1-for-4 in his 15-minute stint. Joey Graham earned a DNP-CD in a 41-point blowout. Which is either mercy or cruelty, I'm not sure which.

John Krolik of Cavs the Blog published a post titled Recap: Blazers 111, Cavs 70 (Or, Baron’s back and OH GOD THERE’S SO MUCH BLOOD) that, in total, said:

Everything about this game was miserable.

The Cavs had 6 assists and 18 turnovers.

105 of Portland's points came from the paint, the free-throw line, or the three-point line.

Offense miserable, defense miserable, everything miserable. I hope you had a good St. Patrick’s day, everyone. I have nothing tonight.

That pretty much says it all, doesn't it?

Chris's Mini Lacktion Ledger:

Bulls-Nyets: Sundiata Gaines gave Newark a show of null-ness, bricking FOUR times in 10:38 (twice from the Mulberry Arcade) and adding a foul and rejection for a +6!!! Fellow ruble rouser Brandan Wright countered a board with a 49-second session of Koopa shell kicking for a non-lacktive Mario.

Grizzlies-Knicks: Ishmael Smith bricked once from 34th Street and lost the rock for a +2 in 2:18, while New York's Ronny Turiaf tore out two boards and a free throw in 13:24 with a trio of fouls and two turnovers for a 5:3 Voskuhl.

Sad Cadavers-Frail Blazers: Jarron Collins built up one piece of masonry for the Portland-based infirmary in 3:43.

Labels: 2010-11 Cleveland Cavaliers, Memphis Grizzlies, New Jersey Nets, Worst of the Night

For one magical night, it was like LeBron never left.Thanks, of course, to the Los Angeles Clippers.
The Los Angeles Clippers: It figures. It just freaking figures. The only dark power greater (lesser?) than Cleveland's record-shattering 26-game losing streak was the Clippers.

And not just any Clippers team, mind you, but one coached by the Notorious VDN.

We should have seen it coming. Should have known it was going to happen. I mean, this is the Clippers we're talking about.

The ultimate (and most fitting) moment of bawful came when J.J. Hickson appeared to goaltend a potential game-winner by Baron Davis at the end of regulation.


Said Blake Griffin: "I can't say what I think about all those things. That was unbelievable. Throughout the whole game, it was just unbelievable. That was the worst home-court advantage I've ever seen. There's such a thing as home-court advantage, but that was unbelievable."

Added Clippers coach Vinny Del Negro: "I thought it was goaltending. They [the officials] didn't think it was. They can't review it because it wasn't a call that was made. I'll have to look at the film. I couldn't see from that angle. It looked like it got on the glass, but I'm guessing."

Be that as it may, the Clippers let the Cadavers keep things close, which had nothing to do with the refs. If you don't want the outcome of the game to come down to a single, last-second call (or non-call), then just win it outright.

Baron Davis knows what I'm sayin': "Gotta give it up. They played well. They won. For a team that lost 26 games in a row, they came out, they wanted to win and they played like it. I'm not saying we didn't. They made big plays at the end. We didn't."

You want a true sign of pure bawfulness? According to ESPN Stats and Information: "The Clippers managed an unusual statistical quirk in that every player who played in the game had a negative plus/minus rating. According to the Elias Sports Bureau, they're the only team in the past 10 years to lose an overtime game and have every player who played post a negative plus/minus rating."

As for the Cadavers, they celebrated like a group of men who had just been let out of prison. And it probably felt that way...if only because nobody on the team has ever spent time in a real prison.

And, also according to EPSN Stats and Information, one streak has ended, but several others remain: "They’ve dropped 26 consecutive road games, 16 straight games to teams with winning records and 13 straight games to Eastern Conference opponents."

Aw, hell. I guess we should just let these guys feel good for a night.

Said Cleveland coach Byron Scott: "They're in there jumping around and having a good time. I told them to enjoy it but let's not take a big breath and think OK we got a win, great. We have to think that we are supposed to win games. ... It's great. We finally got the monkey off our back. But I expect our guys to play this hard every single night. If we do that, we'll be OK."

And who knows? Maybe they will be...

The Cleveland Cadavers: ...or not. Because on Sunday night, the Washington Wizards Generals showed up in Cleveland with their 0-25 road record. And they left Cleveland 1-25.

The Generals shot 54.3 percent. The Cadavers missed 12 free throws, committed 17 turnovers and trailed by as many as 25.

Said Scott: "I'm still trying to figure them out because to me that was ridiculous. I hope they don't have any excuses. Just tell the truth. There has to be a sense of urgency every single night. ... It's disappointing. Playing hard should not be a skill. It's your job. If we don't give ourselves a chance by coming out and playing with a sense of urgency then we have no shot of winning games."

Unless you play the Clippers.

John Wall: Thanks to Wall, the Generals got a taste of defeat even in victory.


The Los Angeles Clippers (Again): The Toronto Craptors had lost 16 of their last 17 games. But, then again, they were playing the team that had just let the Cadavers snap the longest losing streak in NBA history.

Ah, the Clippers.

The Other L.A. Team has lost six of seven games and they're 4-20 on the road. That ties them with the Minnesota Timberwolves for the fewest road wins in the West.

Said Del Negro: "Everyone talks about these other teams. We aren't exactly road warriors here."

The Toronto Muffins: Basketbawful reader mikemobility sent me a link to a sentence I never thought I'd read: "Due to legal implications we cannot specifically mention the name of Toronto's basketball team...so TeamBuy decided to replace it with the word 'Muffin.'"

Saying I'm speechless really does not justice to the amount of speech I am less of.

The Utah Jazz: Finally freed of Jerry Sloan's oppressive offensive system, Deron Williams had big numbers (19 points, 14 assists, 8 rebounds) and the Jazz were held to 83 points at home...by the Phoenix Suns.

I guess everything really did work out for the best.

The Jazz, who scored 27 points in the second half, have now dropped 11 of their last 15 games.

Said D-Will: "Maybe I feel a little more pressure now. Do I care what the fans think of me? Yeah, I'd be lying if I didn't. I don't want them to think I ran a Hall of Fame coach out. But I can't get caught up in that anymore. ... They can choose who they want to believe."

The San Antonio Spurs: Somewhat lost in the overall bawful of the Clippers/Cadavers was the fact that the San Antonio "best record in the league" Spurs shot a season-low 33 percent and managed only 71 points in a loss to the Sixers. Mind you, the Spurs rank 6th in PPG (103.6), 4th in FGP (47.3) and 3rd in Offensive Rating (111.3).

Said San Antonio coach Gregg Popovich: "I think it set offensive basketball back a decade or so."

FWIW, with Sloan out of the league, I think Pops is my new favorite coach.

The New York Knicks: Their 113-96 home loss to the Lakers was the perfect bookend to a down streak that began with a 109-87 road loss to the Lakers back on January 9. During this stretch, the Knicks have gone 5-12 and come crashing back down to .500 (although they snuck back over .500 with a win over the Nyets on Sunday).

Said Stoudemire: "We've got to get back on the right track, we've got to get our confidence back up, got to play solid basketball, doing the little things on the court with energy and with swagger. We haven't quite had our swagger for the past 2 1/2 weeks, so we've got to get back to what we're used to doing and what we did well to start the year."

Mike D'Antoni and Raymond Felton, quote machines: On his team's loss to the Lakers: "I thought Kobe definitely took us out of our game and took our hearts a little bit. He made some tough shots, especially the first quarter."

Countered Felton: "He didn't take my heart. He had a great game. He was hitting a lot of tough shots. But nobody takes my heart."

Amar''''''e Stoudemire: I'm not going to make any jokes that relate to human anatomy in any way. Nor am I going to question the general relativity of pain thresholds. Instead, I will just tell you that STAT missed Sunday's game against the Nyets and is currently day-to-day with a sprained right big toe.

Said Stoudemire: "Getting this rest is gonna be phenomenal for myself to get myself back in top shape. I've been lifting weights and staying strong. It's gonna pan out."

The Miami Heat: I have only one thing to say:


Paul Pierce: 0-for-10 from the field and 0-for-5 from three-point range. It was the Truth's first game without a basket since December 13, 2000...just a few months after he was almost stabbed to death. However, it may be worth noting he had a sprained shooting hand and a foot injury that will require an MRI today.

Said Pierce: I'm just battling a couple of minor injuries today. I think that really explains my tentativeness in my shooting today. I told (coach) Doc (Rivers) that I really didn't have it today, but I just tried the grind it out. I sprained (the hand Saturday) and got it hit today. I've got to get the foot checked out (today)."

The Celtics better hope these injuries are minor.

Rajon Rondo: The kid sure had some funny moments yesterday:



The Jason Kidd triple-double was nice, too.

Big Baby: This is a perfect video representation of this weekend:


DeMarcus Cousins: "Cuz" didn't make his team's trip to Phoenix to play the Suns because of "an incident in the locker room." That that however you wish.

The Phoenix Suns: Didn't matter that Cousins missed the game, nor that Steve Nash (22 points, 18 assists) has amazing super powers. The Suns still lost to the Kings. At home. And, if you blinked, you probably missed the fact that Phoenix had actually crawled a game over .500.

Said Suns coach Alvin Gentry: "It's one of those losses that you are going to look back at and it's going to hurt."

Uh, it hurts right now, coach.

Sasha Vujacic, quote machine: This is a few days delayed, but Basketbawful reader Mark L. sent me this quote (via Ball Don't Lie), and it may be the greatest quote I have ever or will ever read:

"I know I can score 20 or 30 points anytime I want. But I'm not that kind of a guy. I want to win. I want to play the right way. Some games I'm going to get 10 shots, some games 15 shots; sometimes, especially coming off the bench, you're going to feel cold, and you need time to get in the rhythm. But right now, what I care the most is for us to become a better team. And we are really capable of doing that."

For the record, The Machine has scored 30 points exactly zero times in his career. He has scored 20 points six times in his career: Twice this season and four times during the 2007-08 season which, not coincidentally, was a contract year. But, still, he went his first three seasons without a single 20-point outing and then, after signing a three-year, $15 million deal with the Lakers in July of 2008, he went the next two seasons-plus without scoring 20.

But he could have done it anytime he wanted. He's just not that kind of guy.

Update! Carmelo Anthony, quote machine: From Basketbawful reader Jon-Michael:

Here's a gem from the weekend missed from the weekend's report.

Carmelo gives the old "atta boy" to...himself for handling the trade situation so well. Here's the quote and the source:

"I think it takes a strong-willed person, a strong-minded person, to deal with the stuff that I deal with and still go out there and go to work every day and perform on a nightly basis,'' the Denver forward said about trade rumors that have swirled all season as the Feb. 24 trade deadline approaches. "I take my hat off to myself for dealing with all this stuff that's going on and still be able to go out there and play at the high level that I can play at. I really don't think an average person can walk in my shoes. I don't think that."

Oh Carmelo, I take my hat off to you as well, except it appears you've taken care of that yourself.

CBS: Found this one via TrueHoop. And I get it: I used to have trouble spelling Scerbi, uh, Szcrebia, er, Szczrambia, whatever. You know what? "Random Dude" is fine with me.


Chris's weekend mega lacktion ledger:

Nyets-Bobcats: Johan Petro parlayed a board in 6:09 with two bricks and three fouls for a 3:1 Voskuhl.

Charlotte's Nazr Mohammed made a free throw in 7:53, only to foul twice and lose the rock once for a 3:2 Voskuhl.

Spurs-Sixers: Darius Songaila sang about a board in 3:58, but tuned out productivity twice with fouls for 2:1 Voskuhl. Meanwhile, Jason Kapono and Andres Nocioni went sewer-sweeping in 22 seconds as MARIO BROTHERS!

Heat-Pistons: Juwan Howard lost the rock in 3:23 for a +1.

Lakers-Knicks: Derrick Caracter contracted a single case of the airball flu in 3:02 for a +1.

Bucks-Grizzlies: Jason Williams returns to Memphis by losing the rock in 4:26 for a +1, the same suck differential that Hasheem "Second Overall" Thabeet gathered up in 2:03 via foul (and a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl).

Suns-Jazz: Kyrylo Fesenko may have a new coach in Utah, but with two fouls countering two steals and a board for a 2:1 Voskuhl in 10:03, he still knows how to lack.

Bobcats-Hawks: Jason Collins had a perfect 100% shooting percentage (on one field goal attempt and two free throws) in 14:30, along with a board...only to lose the rock once and foul five times for a 6:5 Voskuhl.

Fellow dirty bird Damien Wilkins went six seconds of browsing the X-Play boards for a Super Mario!!!!

Knicks-Nyets: Despite an assist in 5:16, Johan Petro bricked and fouled once for a Madsen-level 1:0 Voskuhl.

Bulls-Hornets: David Andersen accumulated four fouls and two turnovers despite three boards in 13:28 for a 6:3 Voskuhl, while DJ Mbenga bricke and fouled once for a +2 suck differential in 3:02.

Mavs-Rockets: Patrick Patterson pressed one brick in 1:36 for a +1.

Pacers-Bucks: Jon Brockman had a monsterous pair of misses from the charity stripe for a +2 in 2:33.

Thunder-Purple Paupers: Nick Collison may have a nice +21 and two boards in 19:58...only to foul five times for a 5:2 Voskuhl.

Sad Sacramento's Pooh Jeter bricked twice (once from the Tower Bridge) for a +2 in 7:07, while Luther Head fouled once for a +1 in 1:47.

Heat-Celtics: Joel Anthony augmented a board with two fouls in 21:02 for a 2:1 Voskuhl, while Avery Bradley played 9 seconds of WiiFit for a Super Mario!

Lakers-Magic: Luke Walton and Devin Ebanks each invested in a +1 suck differential, Walton earning his via turnover in 9:04, and Ebanks via masonry in 72 seconds.

Clippers-Craptors: Los Angeles's Ike Diogu dug himself a +1 hole in 3:10 via foul that also earned a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl.

Thunder-Warriors: Oklahoma City's Daequan Cook fried up a foul in 4:31 for a +1.

Labels: 2010-11 Cleveland Cavaliers, The fucking Los Angeles Clippers, Worst of the Weekend

The Cleveland Cadavers: Cleveland's Ryan Hollins is seven feet tall.

Jason Terry is 6'2".

With the Cadavers trailing by a single point, with under nine minutes to go in the game, which of these two men do you suppose won a crucial jump ball?

Yep.

Then, as the final seconds were ticking away, Jamario Moon and Antawn Jamison both had chances to launch a potential game-tying three. Were they covered? Totally. But, at that point, the only valid option was to shoot. If they played hot potato with the ball, time would expire.

What do you suppose they did?

Yep.

History has been made: 25 losses in a row. Only one win in the last 36 games.

Not only is that the longest losing streak the NBA has ever seen -- surpassing the previous mark set by the early 80s Cadavers from the end of the 1981-82 season to the start of the 1982-83 season -- it's now the the second-longest skid in the four major professional sports. According to ESPN Stats and Information, only the 1976-77 Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the 1889 Colonols lost more consecutive games than the 2010-11 Cleveland Cadavers.

And, gulp, the Cadavers are only one loss away from tying those teams. Two losses from passing them by.

Sweet Spider-Man's balls.

Said Jamison: "We're in the record books, we all know that, something we don't want to be a part of, but you can't go back and turn back the hands of time. We've got to worry about moving forward. The most important thing is getting a win."

Added Dirk Nowitzki: "Once you are in a funk -- I was in it my first two years -- it almost seems like you find a way to lose. That last possession was a perfect example."

The Boston Celtics: The Leprechauns were missing five players -- The Big Geritol (jelly legs), The Drain (peanut brittle knees), Wild West (wrist), Marquis Daniels (bruised spinal cord) and Semih Erden (abductor strain) -- and they were coming off a big home win over the Magic the day before. Back-to-back games. Old team. No depth. On the road.

Hmm, wonder what happened?

Boston was up by four points going into the fourth quarter...during which they were outscored 29-20 by a Bobcraps team that was without leading scorer Stephen Jackson (see below).

Charlotte outrebounded Boston 50-37 and outran them 16-6 on the fast break.

To me, the C's seemed to have tired legs. But Doc Rivers thought they had weak hearts.

Said Doc: "I thought our guys came in with their cool game today and thought they were going to win it, maybe because of our jerseys."

Just throwing this out there, but according to ESPN Stats and Information, the Celtics are 6-7 on the second game of back-to-backs this season. They are 2-7 when the second game is on the road.

Stephen Jackson: With 1:38 left in the second quarter, Jackson got tagged with a foul for his hand-to-hand combat against a posting Kevin Garnett. In true S-Jax fashion, he wigged out on the official. Tech. Tech. Eject.

Said Bobcraps coach Paul Silas: "He just kept talking and talking and talking, and of course they gave him the ejection."

Jackson now has 13 technical fouls on the season. Three more and it's a one-game suspension.

Kendrick Perkins versus Kwame Brown: If you loved Godzilla versus Mothra...


Eduardo Najera, quote machine: On being the latest recipient of Kevin Garnett's whistling elbow: "He did elbow me in the face at the end. I just told him he hits like my grandma."

I know that sounds like an insult, but this is Ed's grandma. That woman's fists could wreck cars.

But, in all seriousness: KG...what are you doing?!

(The above link is from Basketbawful reader Ryan P.)

The New Orleans Hornets: What goes risin' up...must come crashin' down.

The Hornets started the season on fire. Then they iced over. Then they won 10 in a row. Now they've lost five of six.

Last night's defeat was a real nut-buster: A 12-point home loss to the Minnesota Timberwolves.

Perspective check: Minny began the night 2-22 on the road and having lost 14 of their last 16 games.

Plus, get this, Darko Milicic left with a left hip flexor strain in the first quarter and Michael Beasley went down in the fourth quarter because of an ankle sprain. Considering the relative talent levels, that should have offset the absences of Emeka Okafor and Trevor Ariza.

And, I can't stress this enough, they're the freakin' Timberwolves.

Yet the Hornets trailed by as many as 21 points.

Some other pro-Minnesota numbers: 37 points in the second quarter. 25-for-25 from the line. 22 second-chance points. 11-for-26 (42 percent) from downtown. An Offensive Rating of 117.1 against of the league's top defenses.

Said Hornets coach Monty Williams: "We didn't respect that team that had already embarrassed us on their floor, and they came out on our floor and did the same thing. A 37-point quarter is embarrassing. I don't care who is out."

Added Chris Paul: "That team there has 12 wins on the season now and two of them have been against us. They were out there all rah-rah, talking junk and stuff and I guess they deserved it tonight."

By the way, Kevin Love scored 27 points, grabbed 17 rebounds, and went 14-for-14 from the free throw line. It was Love's 37th consecutive double-double. According to the AP recap, he joined John Stockton and Kevin Garnett as the only Association players to have that many straight Double D's in the last 25 years.

Now, just for fun, list all the things wrong with this picture:


The Sacramento Kings: The Paupers entered the fourth quarter of their home game against the Jazz with a seven-point lead...

...and lost by three.

Excremento was outscored 27-17 in the fourth. Thanks to Utah's zone defense, the Sactowners managed only 7 points in the final 6:36 of the game.

And, honestly, the last play of the game just screamed "Sacramento Kings." Down three with seconds to go, Omri Casspi chucked up an ugly three-point attempt that hit nothing but air. Game over.

Said Casspi: "We ran a play to set up for Tyreke, but I got kind of open. I just lost the ball on the way up. The ball slipped out of my hand."

Of course, the Purple Ones probably lost the game because of their 20 turnovers.

Said Sactown coach Paul Westfail: "I thought the turnovers killed us. They killed us in the first half and they killed us in the second. We built a lead in the second half by taking care of the ball, and then turnovers popped up again down the stretch. That's a good team and you can't just give them those possessions like we did."

The Denver Nuggets: It's always fun when a player scored 50 and his team loses anyway. Welcome to the 50-point Losers Club, Carmelo Anthony. Glad to have ya!

Also, according to ESPN Stats and Information, 'Melo was the first player to drop 50 without registering an assist since Michael Redd did it in 2006. Kobe Bryant also did it in 2005 and Tony Delk did it in 2001. Three of those four 50-point/0-assist games were losses.

Just sayin'.

(I must reluctantly admit the Lakers were the team that won.)

Said Kevin Martin: "We played a great game as a team. Outside of Carmelo, didn't nobody really do anything."

For the record, the Nuggets missed 13 free throws in a five-point loss.

The Chicago Bulls: Chicago's defense sucked huge, hairy, Donkey Kong testicles. Movin' on...

The Golden State Warriors: How did Captain Canada celebrate his 37th birthday? Other than another double-double (14 points and 15 assists) that is. Wine out of a paper bag, baby!

Well, okay, it was a gift from his teammates.

The gifts just kept on coming, in the form of raining threes, as the Suns drilled 10 of 'em. The Warriors, on the other hand, went 2-for-18 from downtown and forced only 6 turnovers. And since Golden State pretty muchy lives of threes and forced turnovers that lead to easy transition baskets, the fact that they fell behind by 23 at home isn't a huge surprise.

Said Monta Ellis: "We played terrible. It's embarrassing for our fans that we came out and played the way we played. We'd been playing great the last few games and to come out and put up a performance like this is very disappointing."

Added Warriors coach Keith Smart: "You're not going to beat them at their game. It's not going to happen."

Now...a special tribute...to our boy Steve.


Okay. One more.


Goran Dragic: From the AP game notes: "Phoenix G Goran Dragic missed his fourth straight game after cutting his left foot stepping on a piece of broken glass at his home, requiring nine stitches."

Carlos Boozer sympathizes, Goran. Walking around your home can be hell.

Chris's lacktion report:

Lakers-Grizzlies: Hasheem "Second Overall" Thabeet fouled once in 1:58 for a +1 and 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl, while Xavier Henry had 36 seconds to grab the fire flowers in a Mario.

Wolves-Hornets: Darko Milicic made two fouls in 3:55 for a +2 and 2:0 Voskuhl, while fellow puppy Kosta Koufos collected 1.4 trillion (1:23) worth of riches.

For New Orleans, DJ Mbenga marked up his statline with four boards and a field goal in 16:24, only to lose the rock twice and take five fouls for a 7:6 Voskuhl.

Super Sad Cavs-Mavs: Manny Harris handily celebrated THE LONGEST LOSING STREAK IN ASSOCIATION HISTORY SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME IMMORTAL, by taking a foul and two turnovers in 5:35 for a +3!!!

Bulls-Frail Blazers: Luke Babbitt fouled once in 2:41 for a +1 and a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl.

Jazz-Constricted Breathing Passage Purple Paupers: Ronnie Price found celebration worth a brick and two fouls for a +3 in 2:54, and Jeremy Evans joined in the jubilation with two fouls in 64 seconds for a +2.

Labels: 2010-11 Cleveland Cavaliers, Worst of the Night

"Sleep well, Cleveland. Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day..."Dan Gilbert, July 2010
Let's flash back to last July:

I want to make one statement to you tonight:

"I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER 'KING' WINS ONE"

You can take it to the bank.

If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Cleveland, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our "motivation" to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.

Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.

Sorry, but that's simply not how it works.

Those were words of Dan Gilbert -- delivered in Comic Sans and presumably under the influence of heavy narcotics -- after LeBron James pulled a Hollywood Hogan on the city of Cleveland.

If Gilbert is right, if we really do have to die to get to heaven, then Saint Peter is waiting to welcome the 2010-11 Cleveland Cavaliers Cadavers with open arms.

What a smelly, rotting corpse King Crab left behind. If the NBA was a crime drama, LeBron would have been arrested and held in connection to a national teamslaughter case. Seriously, for these Cadavers, every game is like a horror movie...every misadventure like a crime scene. Quite literally in some cases.

You want to talk about bawful? Mo Williams wanted to retire before the season even started. Dude was like a prophet. Now I bet he wish he had retired. Or gone into witness protection.

The historically bawful numbers swirling around this squad read like a particularly gruesome autopsy report. The Cadavers currently rank 30th in both Offensive and Defensive Rating. According to Neil Paine of Basketball-Reference, finishing dead last in those categories is an ultra-rare feat and would put the Cadavers in the most bawful of company.

What's more, the Cadavers have lost 34 of their last 35 games. Stop and think about that for a minutes: They have won only once in nearly half a season's worth of games. That one victory -- an overtime win against the Knicks -- was sandwiched between a 10-game losing streak and their current 24-game march to misery. Which, in case you missed it, just set the all-time record for consecutive losses in a single season.

This year's group of sadsacks are currently tied with the 1981-82 and 1982-83 Cleveland teams for the overall record for consecutive losses. But that streak ran between two seasons. The Cadavers play in Dallas tonight, so you can pretty much assume they'll soon find themselves in sole possession of the longest-ever losing streak, regardless of conditions or qualifications.

Clearly, this is the kind of think Basketbawful was founded for.

The Cadavers own the league's worst point differential at -11.4. Zach Lowe of The Point Forward provides some historical perspective on that number. As for present-day perspective, the next closest team is the Washintong Wizards General at -6.5. Appropriately, the Generals are setting their own records. As SBNation's Tom Ziller noted, their 0-25 road mark is "four losses away from tying the 1992-93 Dallas Mavericks' record 0-29 road start. The records for consecutive road games lost during one season (37, by the 1990-91 Sacramento Kings) and overall (43 by that same team) remain in danger, and the Kings' 20-year-old record for worst road season -- 1-40 -- is in jeopardy."

You knew I was going to work the Sacramento Kings into this post, right?

During this 34-of-35 streak, the Cadavers have suffered 22 double-digit losses. They have lost by 27, 28 (twice), 29 (twice), 30, 34 and 55 points. There has been a recent uptick in their effort levels as coach Byron Scott and his players have been trying to stave off dubious history. To win, their last three defeats have been by five points (to the Pacers), seven points (to the Grizzlies) and six points (to the Frail Blazers). Still all losses though.

ESPN's John Hollinger dissected this Cleveland team with his standard stat geekery, providing even more historical context and dishonorable mentions, but concluded that they aren't likely to wind up as the worst team ever. (That sound you just heard was members of the 1972-73 Philadelphia 76ers tinking champaign glasses together.)

No, the 2010-11 Cadavers probably won't become the official "Worst Team Ever." But they will become (or possibly already are) a cautionary tale, a scary bedtime story even, about a catastrophic implosion. No team in league history, and no city, has fallen so far after the departure of a superstar. Even the post-Jordan Bulls team that was coached by Tim Floyd and featured a Null-Star starting lineup of Toni Kukoc, Dickey Simpkins, Ron Harper, Cory Carr and Rusty LaRue was better than this year's Cadavers.

When will the losing stop? It's hard to say. As noted above, the Cadavers play in Dallas tonight before returning to Cleveland for an eight-game home stand versus the Pistons, Clippers, Generals, Lakers, Rockets, Knicks, 76ers and Spurs. Based on the effort they've been putting forth in the last three games, it's possible the Cadavers will beat the Pistons or Clippers. But if they don't, if they reach February 13 winless in their last 27 games, then they will play at home against a Washington team that is 0-25 on the road.

Did anybody else feel that tingle?

Depending on the outcome of the next several games, I may have to update this post to record this team's continuing self-destruction. But whatever else may happen, the 2010-11 Cadavers have earned a permanent spot in the Basketbawful Hall of Shame.

Labels: 2010-11 Cleveland Cavaliers, Basketbawful Hall of Shame