Somebody call Wally "Straight Pimpin'" Szczerbiak...and fast! I've found his dream jacket on eBay for the low, low price of only $6,999.00. That's less than $7,000. And the shipping is free!

Put on a crash helmet. These pictures are going to kick your face's ass:

jacket

jacket 2
That's pure chinchilla done in crocodile, bitches.

In case you need more information than "This is the most awesome thing you will ever see" before emptying your savings account, here's the product description:

Authentic Jeff Hamilton CHINCHILLA Jacket With NBA Logos Done In CROCODILE. Absolutely Amazing. Lined In Heavy Bridal Satin With Silver Plated Snaps. Retail $14,000.00 It Is A Size XXL But Will Fit Someone 3X. Also For No Charge, We Can Cut It Down To Either An XL Or A L. Please Feel Free To Call Us With Any Questions About Additional Jackets. This Is A 1 Of A Kind.
Mmmm...heavy bridal satin with silver plated snaps. And wait, there's only one of these jackets in existence? I don't know whether to be disappointed or relieved.

In case times are too tough for you to afford something this amazing, don't worry. There are plenty of NBA-related bargains to be had on eBay. Take these game-used shoes that were once worn by former draft bust Eric Montross.

Montross shoes
Smell the sweat! Feel the history!

You know what the saddest part of this auction is? The S&H ($20) is twice what the seller is asking for the shoes ($9.99). Is that a fair price for shoes worn in an actual NBA game by somebody who -- according to Basketball-Reference.com -- finished the 1994-95 season ranked sixth in total fouls and has a Hall of Fame Probability score of 0.000? Of course not.

I should be able to get those shoes for $5.99 with free shipping.

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33 Comments:
Blogger BadDave said...
You had me...until the buttons were silver *plated.* Go pure platinum or go home.

Blogger Dan B. said...
Why alert Szczerbiak? That is his jacket. The man's gotta make some money somehow these days.

(Okay, not really, but admit it -- you believed me for a second.)

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know that NBA salaries probably shouldn't shock me anymore, but it's still depressing to see that Eric Montross has apparently earned $18,800,000.
Maybe he has enough money left to get his shoes back AND buy the jacket...

Blogger Future Guy said...
Wow, that's a jacket a hobo would be embarrassed to own.

Blogger Vasco said...
LeBron James is really smart: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MyjG2nW05wE&feature=related

Blogger Cortez said...
The sweet embrace of death look more and more appealing after this posting.

Blogger BadDave said...
Oh yeah, Cortez? Then try marraige.

Anonymous JustinS said...
Quick tangent.

Was looking at that Basketball-reference.com site, specifically at their Hall of Fame probabilities for various players (http://www.basketball-reference.com/leaders/hof_prob_career.html). Saw one thing that pretty much blew their formula to shit:

Gilbert Arenas: .4569
Steve Nash: .3654

Blogger chris said...
Only thing which would put this over the top would be a Buffalo Braves logo...

...and yes, at a sporting wear store, I HAVE seen an Association jacket with the Buffalo Braves logo. :O

Blogger Cortez said...
"Oh yeah, Cortez? Then try marraige."

Too late. That's what had me teetering on the edge in the first place!

Blogger BadDave said...
Buy your wife that jacket. *Then* you'll be in like Flint!

Anonymous AK Dave said...
Was that coat made by "Triple Fat Goose" or "South Pole" by any chance?

Blogger chris said...
Bawful, I just had a phenomenal idea.

With the new Jordan Challenge...

I desperately think that we need a (crappy Flash game with Commodore 64-level graphics) simulation of the MATT MCHALE: TECHNICAL WRITER CHALLENGE.

Starting with your infamous battle against Ryan, then working your way up through your most memorable moments...like pickup against Mr. Livin' Large, or trying to show the Chaos Dunk to Cindy...

COMPLETE WITH FULL BAWFUL LICENSING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So there will be between-scenes animations of you in the 1978 Plymouth Fury cruising down US 31 like you're World Wide Wes on Euclid Avenue in East Cleveland the night before The Indigestion.

And we gotta have one of your classic showdowns with Aimee's dad in there, right?

Anonymous Shiv said...
@Justin S:

You think THAT'S bawful?

Vince Carter - 0.8662
Tracy McGrady - 0.7476
Amare Stoudamire - 0.4246

...all higher than Nash.

Blogger BadDave said...
If Bawful's cruising, he's doing it in his Buick Somerset.

You know, that B-ball Reference algorithm proves to me this fact: stats to not tell the whole story.

vw: gropy

Damn it. I thought she wouldn't tell!

Blogger chris said...
Shiv and Justin S:

So this means that Mat from Livin' Large now has a probability of 0.9999999 that he is going to get into the Bawful Hall of Fame!


A probability, BTW, only surpassed by a certain mascot from up north. :D

Blogger chris said...
BadDave: Perfect time to cue up this Buick commercial featuring Magic Johnson!

And this concurrent early-eighties gem. Back when GM making the same car under five different "manufacturer" names actually seemed cool!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
this was a post on jbsportschat.blogspot.com over a month ago

http://jbsportschat.blogspot.com/2010/06/where-amazing-happens-in-crocodile-and.html

Blogger Dan B. said...
Anon -- And actually, I mentioned it in a BAD post as well just before the end of the season, but only in passing. But hey, screw it, it's the off-season. We need all the material we can get, and we hadn't properly made fun of this yet.

Anonymous Barry said...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S6IYyvypJ4o

Even a vague reference in the comments is enough!

Blogger Dan B. said...
Holy shit, this is awesome. Seriously, go read it.

Blogger chris said...

Blogger Dan B. said...
Wow. Like father, like son. Luke Walton may miss the entire season because of persistent, debilitating back problems that may require surgery. Poor guy. How long until his foot gets ravaged?

Blogger chris said...
Oh shnap!

One of our very own commenters has spread the love of Basketbawful to Sactown Royalty! :D :D :D

ALSO...

the Kings sign a player with the hilariously fun first name of "Pooh."

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Dan B: it never occurred to me that NBA players don't get paid for making the playoffs.
That is seriously the stupidest pay system I have ever, ever heard of. And actual salaried incentive to fail.
Wow.

Anonymous Geert said...
Isn't it time for a list of bawfullest fines in the history of the NBA? Kaaaaaahn is fined for saying something obvious that everybody already knew about Beasley: that he smoked too much marijuana in the past. No shit. Appearantly, überoverlord Stern classified that as "inappropriate comments" and fined the hell out of Kahn. Why, David... Why?

Sigh.

Blogger zyth said...
shaq wants boston. this is a sad moment, 'cause im fairly certain they will try to get him

Blogger BadDave said...
Well zyth, Boston will have to pick him up, lest AARP sue them for discrimination.

Anonymous generic viagra said...
Thanks for this soft item....



Smith ALan

Blogger Chris Suja said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Anonymous Generic Drugs said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Anonymous Rummy Card Game said...
How cheap!!!!!!!!!!!
This crocodile jacket is really too good, and in such a cheap price. :)

Anonymous car title loans said...
This has nothing to do with taxes, but just wanted to say hey! and that you have done some mighty fine work with this blog. Will be returning and reading through your archives

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