As Henry Abbott pointed out the other day, the official (though completely unsurprising) announcement of the Oklahoma City franchise name -- which, regrettably, is not Thundercats -- was also the official end of the Seattle SuperSonics...not to mention unequivocal proof that true evil exists.

Seriously, people: The bad guys won this one. It's like Joker shot Batman in the face at the end of The Dark Knight. It's like Darth Vader cut Luke Skywalker in half at the end of Return of the Jedi. It's like General Bethlehem defeated the Postman at the end of The Postman. Uh, forget I mentioned that last one...

Well, enough is enough. The purpose of my life, my raison d'etre if you will, is to make this world a better place. I'd like to think that, had I been on the Titanic, people would have drowned more peacefully. So as of right now, I'm rewriting history. In that spirit, here's a new movie for you. It's called Deadly Revenge of the SuperSonics. In it, the part of Sonics fans everywhere is played by Jean-Claude Van Damme. (Appropriate.) The part of Clay Bennett is played by an ugly woman in a penguin costume. (Even more appropriate.) I think everyone -- with the possible exception of Clay Bennett and Furries -- will be happy with the ending to this story.

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10 Comments:
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Uhh dark knight spoiler alert?

Blogger BadDave said...
VanDamme really cleaned up her act!

Blogger KneeJerkNBA said...
That was AWESOME!!!! I didn't know you could dish-wash someone to death!

Anonymous Mohammad said...
how things actually happened:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3NI6iu7e91Y&feature=related

Clay Bennet is played by the guy with straight hair, David Stern is the girl with the broken arm and the Super-Sonics fans are the evil dude with the knife. In no way am I saying that the fans are actually evil, Bennet deserves that spot, but this is how the whole thing actually went down.

BTW just wanted to say that you're my favorite blog! Keep up the great work.

Blogger Victor said...
Is that penguin related to Benny the Bull?

Blogger Dead Seriously said...
Why is no one asking the really important questions here?

1. Why was the deep-fryer turned on when no one was working down there?

2. Why were the fries in the deep-fryer only a nice golden brown, when they'd obviously been in there long enough to be burned black?

Anonymous spydermintz said...
guys... this is just peter griffin and the chicken fighting in real life.

... a thin peter griffin..

Anonymous RyeNO said...
lol at the use of this 'classic' fight scene from the movie Sudden Death to 'rewrite history.' I would've preferred a clip from a basketball related movie but hey..whatever floats your boat.

Anonymous Afiq said...
Anonymous said...
Uhh dark knight spoiler alert?


wouldn't worry about it. pretty much everyone in the world's seen the dark knight by now. oh and this does look like peter and the chicken fightin. hahaha...

Anonymous Al James said...
Yeah, Fuck the Penguins! Go Wings! If only this video was posted a few months ago...

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