Lebron gum

File this one under the category of totally random NBA-related discoveries: Lebron's Lightning Lemonade. It's a flavor of Bubblicious bubble gum that (supposedly) tastes like rasberry lemonade. Each bright pink cube provides a burst of tongue-numbing flavorocity that lasts for almost a full minute, which might actually be some kind of bubble gum world's record. Unfortunately, like most chewing gums, Lebron's Lightning Lemonade degrades into a foul-tasting paste by the second or third minute of vigorous chewing. Still, I can guarantee you'll experience upwards of 30 to 45 seconds of tastebud-blasting ecstacy. But don't take my word for it -- just look at how happy it makes King James:

If you think that the fun ends when you finally spit out the now-viscous and gummy pulp, you couldn't be more wrong. By sending Bubblicious a completed request form, two proofs of purchase, and a $1 check or money order, you can (eventually) download a copy of Lebron James Voice-Activated Software. The LJVAS is a desktop widget that makes a Lebon "the point guard on your computer." And trust me, it's not nearly as exciting as it sounds.

Lebron Software
Don't bump the monitor , or else you
might get hit with a personal foul.

By using Windows' voice-activation software, you can teach Computer Lebron to recognize your voice and respond to some simple verbal commands, like "open my email" or "take me to my favorite Web site." And like any good robotic servant, Computer King James will leap to action, opening and closing programs for you. As Jim Hanas put it, it's the NBA-equivalent of Clippy.

Software requirements: It's a widget that opens and closes basic computer programs. As long as you aren't using an abacus, you'll probably be okay.

Tips and tricks: In most cases, Lebron won't come out from wherever he's hiding unless you call for him -- I suggest teaching him to respond to the command "Lebron, get your kingly ass out here, now." But once a month for six whole months, Lebron will randomly wander onto your desktop to give you a basketball tip. I don't know what these tips are, but I'd guess he provides helpful advice like "Put your head down and charge aimlessly into a group of defenders" and "vary your form on every jumpshot...never shoot the same way twice."

Usefulness: At this point you're probably wondering whether getting the LBVAS is worth buying two packs of gum, filling out a form, writing a check, and stuffing an envelope. The answer to this question depends on your living situation. If you're a Lebron fanatic without arms or an active sense of shame, this minor software miracle might be for you. Otherwise, your computing experience will be just as rich, if not moreso, without Lebron's "help."

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Anonymous ryeno said...
why would bumping into the monitor result in a foul? deliberately hacking Lebron across the arms during game 3 of the NBA finals as he attempts a game tying three doesnt seem to be.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
ryeno -- Well...uh...yeah. I admit, you got me on that one.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Considering that when Lindsey Hunter guarded him, if he touched Lebron it would get a personal. I think bumping the monitor would produce a foul.

Of course after you did that, the monitor would extend its forearm, turn on rocket boosters and run through you, resulting in another foul on you.

Then again, if Donaghy is reffing, the call depends on if he needs money.