Not many people get a chance to sign with an NBA team, especially when they're 36 years old, pussy-whipped absurdly devoted to their wife, and look like a brick of Velveeta cheese that somebody left out in the sun. Most people would be grateful for that kind of opportunity, but not Doug Christie. While undoubtedly under the demonic influence of his beastly lifemate, Doug kicked away thousands of dollars and a chance to continue playing pro hoops with the Los Angeles Clippers.

"Christie did not report to the Clippers for their practice Monday and
did not play Tuesday, which would have been the final day of his second 10-day contract. He voided the contract, and the Clippers took the formal step of putting him on the team's suspended list Tuesday. Christie, 36, is in his 15th NBA season. With that experience, a 10-day contract is worth approximately $70,000. By missing two days, he forfeited $14,000 of pay."

As news events go, this one isn't particularly shocking. We already knew that the Christie's were only a few fat ladies and a parasitic twin short of a freakshow. What we don't know yet is why he just up and disappeared. My guess is that there were actual women with actual woman-parts in the Staples Center crowd, which is a blatant violation of the "I never get to see boobs again" wedding pact he signed with the Dark Lord all those many years ago. Therefore his wife was probably forced to claw out what was left of his manhood and feast upon it in the soothing comfort of her own leathery wings.

But the real victim here is the Clippers, who will be hard-pressed to replace Doug's 1.9 points, 29 percent shooting, and 100 percent heart.

Some totally random crazy from The Christie's
Runner up: The Lakers' Vladimir Radmanovic is out for 8 weeks with a separated right shoulder. The man Phil Jackson referred to as a "space cadet" earlier this season was going out for some coffee when he slipped on a patch of ice and fell on his shoulder, which apparently is constructed of paper mache and chicken wire.

Radmanovic claims he couldn't catch himself because his hands were in his pockets. Jackson doesn't believe him but can't do anything about it. But look on the bright side, Lakers fans. You get to blame yet another injury on your team's downward spiral into mediocrity. Yes, those same fans who have bitched and moaned about what a bust he's been will now go on and on about how his 6.9 PPG and 42 percent shooting were absolutely critical to the Lakers success. It'll happen, trust me.

Labels: Clippers, Doug Christie, Idiot, Lakers, Vladimir Radmanovic