Basketbawful

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Northern Colorado def. Prairie View A&M 61-53: The NCU Bears are currently playing in Division 1 as an Independent, and will officially be D1 in the 2008 season. NCU still have plenty of holdover juniors and seniors from the old days...which means Prairie View A&M was easily defeated by, what is essentially, a Division II school. NCU's Sean Taibi led all scorers with 15, NCU outrebounded Prairie View 46-28. I wonder if NCU also had to change their name from the "Sugar Bears" in the 80s to hide the fact that kids were eating their way towards juvenile diabetes? Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Watching the Bears begin the season with a 19-game losing streak (including a 35-point potatoing by perennial doormat Northwestern) is unhealthy enough already. Too many outings like that and the Bears may get banished back to DII, to rekindle their rivalries with ass-backwards schools like Bob Jones University. Awful Fact: NCU's Thanasi Panagiotakopoulos has the longest name in college basketball, and the 2nd longest in professional sports, right behind WWE's "The Masked Antidisestablishmentarian".

Stony Brook def. Morgan State 58-53: The Stony Brook Seawolves are the '91 Denver Nuggets of college basketball. (Think '06 Sonics, but worse.) In a somewhat redeeming follow-up to a America East tourney exit where they allowed Maryland BC to shoot 81% for an entire half, the Seawolves had 3 players in double figures and held Morgan State to 35% shooting. Despite being ranked one of the top schools academically by numerous publications, Stony Brook also ranked second worst in the country in a "quality of life" survey by the Princeton Review! Could it be because of the Seawolves 14% win percentage? Or is it because goddamn lacrosse gets top billing among their athletic programs? Lacrosse?!? Or is it because Joy Behar is their most recognizable alum? (FYI she's that sanctimonious, decrepit bitch from The View. Wait, that doesn't narrow things down at all.) Or is it because their ceilings drip liquid nitrogen? Students and alumni agree: Stony Brook sucks in every conceivable fashion.

Stony Brook spirit is in the toilet. Which, sadly,

looks very much like the water in the dorm rooms.

It's set: The Prairie View A&M against Morgan State in the finals. May the worst team lose.

View other results (tags: NCAA, Final Four, tournament, college basketball, worst team, March Misery)

2 Comments:

Anonymous said...

This is a terrible post. It took me all afternoon to get through it, because I kept hitting the links in it and getting sidetracked for hours. ;) You know you're my boy, right?

4/05/2006 9:13 AM

Anonymous said...

rotflmao you should give stony brook a bye into the finals! that whole school sucks so bad its funny

4/05/2006 1:51 PM