Basketbawful

Thursday, March 02, 2006

You too can have sex with Andre Kirilenko

Masha Lopatova has officially given you permission to have sex with her husband. Sort of.

"What's forbidden is always desirable. And athletes, particularly men, are susceptible to all the things they are offered. It's the same way raising children - If I tell my child, 'No pizza, no pizza, no pizza,' what does he want more than anything? Pizza. So this is the arrangement that Andrei and I have. If I know about it, it's not cheating."

Wow. Masha just became the coolest wife ever. Although she does have a once-per-year stipulation on what she refers to as Andre's "allowance." I'm kind of curious what that means, exactly. Are we talking fiscal year or calender year? By "year" is she just referring to the regular season and playoffs, or can he pick up other women on family vacations too? I'm thinking that his son's birthday party would be a little awkward if Andre was hitting on all the other kids' moms. And I mean awkward for everybody.

But if you really stop and think about it, Masha probably feels pretty safe about her offer. If you have working eyes and a basic understanding of true horror, you will notice almost immediately that Andre is monstrously ugly. I mean, his face could melt cheese from 50 feet away. Offering sex with Andre Kirilenko is like standing on the street corner with a rusty wire hanger and a sign that says "Free Colonoscopies." Nobody is going to take you up on that offer, and if they do...well, you'll probably end up wishing they hadn't.

Sextastic Footnote: Andre was "surprised" by Masha's offer and claims that he isn't going to take advantage it. Which of course can only mean one of two things: either A. He is an incredible pussy, or B. He is a terrible liar. Although, based on this picture I found, there could be a C.

Uhm, Andre, I'm pretty sure that's not what she meant.

1 Comments:

Anonymous said...

OK, you win, yours is definitely funnier!

3/02/2006 3:14 PM