Basketbawful

Monday, March 20, 2006

The best or worst thing about eBay, depending on your point of view, is that anybody can sell almost anything they want there. You can buy a haunted clown doll, a used paper plate with a stain that looks like the devil, and even a fossilized boob. But for a basketball fan, eBay is a treasure trove of the strange and obscure.

Speaking of "strange and obscure," check out this auction for a game-used jersey worn by none other than Basketbawful mascot Greg Ostertag!!

And it's signed...YES!!
The description says, "Here you go, a game-used jersey signed by Greg Ostertag. Yes, Greg wasn't the greatest of the Kings players but he still is a very good player." Uh huh. This seller really has a knack for the overstatement. Saying Greg is a very good player is like saying George Bush is a very good public speaker. Anyway...

Men have few hard and fast rules in life. The "10 Second Rule" is just our way of saying we'll eat something right off the floor, and the section in The Guy Code Book about not dating a buddy's ex-girlfriend applies only when she's totally ugly. But something all guys agree on is that you never, ever, EVER touch another guy's sweaty gym shorts. All of which means I don't see much hope in this auction for a game-used pair of shorts worn by Karl Malone.

You don't really want to know whatthe Mailman delivered in these shorts.
In what may be the strangest auction I came across, you can purchase a custom toilet seat with the NBA logo airbrushed on it. As the descriptions says, "Have everyone laugh and have fun at the idea of having a basketball net as a toilet seat (go head [sic] make a 3 pointer!!!)." Classy.

NBA action...it's pooptastic!
And for those of you demand absolute realism when going for three by going number two, you're in luck: the inside of the seat looks like a basketball goal.

I wouldn't suggest using the backboard whentaking a shot on this goal.
This next auction will remind you that, in every life, a little rain must fall. Or in Dominique Wilkins' case, a whole lot of rain. Dominique never won an MVP (thanks to Larry Bird), he missed out on several scoring titles (thanks to Michael Jordan), he never got so much as a whiff of an NBA title (thanks to the Celtics, Pistons, and Bulls), and he even got traded away from the Hawks (to the lowly Clippers, no less) during the team's best season.

After a brief and tumultuous stay in Beantown, Dominique was left off the NBA's 50 Greatest list and banished to Europe. But in 1997, the Spurs picked him up after losing David Robinson to a broken left foot. Wilkins came in and averaged 18 points and 6 rebounds (at 37 years of age), giving the San Antonio crowd something to cheer for in a season of woe. For his efforts, he won the "Comeback Player of the Year" award. But the Spurs, at 20-62, won the Tim Duncan lottery, and so after the season Dominique was out of a job...and back out of the league.

Things got totally ridiculous last year when 'Nique was passed over for induction into the Basketball Hall of Fame. It's shameful and disappointing that the Comeback Player trophy is his greatest accomplishment as a professional basketball player. I guess Dominique felt the same way, because his CPotY trophy is up for sale on eBay. We're sorry 'Nique. So very, very sorry.

It's sad that this was the best award 'Nique ever won.

1 Comments:

Anonymous said...

Couldn't get the toilet seat for fear of someone calling "bank."

3/21/2006 4:47 PM