Basketbawful

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Jeanie Buss has a problem. And it's not named "Phil"

Jeanie Buss -- best known for daughtering to Lakers owner Jerry Buss and sleeping with coach Phil Jackson -- is exasperated. No, not because her dad's a crusty old lecher, or because Phil got really fat during his year-long retirement, or even because Kobe Bryant's taking 40 shots a game. She's upset with her dog, Princess Cujo.

Before you start laughing, I can assure you: a toy Maltese is quite the handful. According to Wikipedia, the toy Maltese "can be very energetic and are known for their occasional wild outbursts of physical activity, bolting around at top speed with amazing agility." What's more, "[despite] their diminutive size, Maltese seem to be without fear."

Let me recap that for you: energetic, wild outbursts, moving at top speed, amazing agility, and no fear. Basically, this is the Ninja of the tiny poodle dog set.

According to Jeanie, Pricess Cujo is "given to fits of ankle-biting, eye-rolling fury." Have you ever seen a Ninja in a state of fury? Any state of fury? Well, trust me, you don't want to. And neither did Jeanie, which is why she called on the renowned "Dog Whisperer" Cesar Millan, the world's leading doggie psyhic and psychologist.

Haven't heard of a dog whisperer? Now you have, my friend, now you have. If you're the kind of person who doesn't believe in a Ceasar's ability to establish a psychic connection with your house pet, then you probably don't believe in ghost dogs either. If that's the case, then prepare to have the socks blown right off your feet:

Boo!
Now that you're a believer, I can continue. Ceasar thinks that Jeanie is projecting too much nervousness around her dog. Well, that makes sense. She's dating Herman Munster's older brother, her daddy's ballclub is a struggling pseudo-team, and one of their players is an accused sex offender. That would make just about anybody a little nervous. So Thanks for the newsflash, Ceasar. What are you going to reveal for your encore? That the Titanic might not be unsinkable?

I have to say, I'm a surprised that Jeanie had to get this kook's advice. She's having sex with a Zen master for god's sake. I hear they're good at giving advice. But apparently Princess terrorizes Phil too. Never one to shy away from a challenge, Phil said Jeanie needs to "establish dominance and taking responsibility for it."

Say, isn't that what you were supposed to do to keep Kobe from shooting too much this year?

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