Top ten things David Stern is doing instead of working on a new CBA:

Number 10: Getting offended by Chinese jokes on Basketbawful

Number 9: Counting money

Number 8: Calling Larry and Magic to inquire about a 17th reunion tour. Getting a dismissive dial tone from both.

Number 7: Calling Disneyworld's animatronic imagination engineers (or "animagineers") about hand-waving wax versions of Larry and Magic to appear with him at all public appearances.

Number 6: Calling Disneyworld's cryogenic department to determine if Larry and Magic's actual corpses could be used.

Number 5: Calling a hitman to inquire if he could "make his Larry / Magic fantasy happen sooner rather than later."

Number 4: Answering questions asked of him by the FBI agents at his door.

Number 3: Calling hitman to see if he "does Feds." Hit man asks if he means Kevin Federline, quickly says he will do it for free, and hangs up. Kevin Federline found dead next day.

Number 2: Playing golf with Kyrie Irving and Jimmer Fredette. Asking them if they feel up to being the "new faces of the NBA." Giving each a copy of When the Game was Ours, signed by him.

And the number one thing David Stern is doing instead of working on a new CBA:


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Blogger Rhett said...
how about these things:
buying weed at zach randolfs house
dunking on lebron
seeing if any euro leagues need a commish
getting business tatoos
making anon comments on mark cubans website
learning to dribble a basketball
contacting his sources to find out who this mister ruckers and mr goodman are
having a spa day with stu jackson so they can reconnect
playing poker with a-rod
and finally
f'n nuthib

Blogger Evil Ted said...
Uh oh, Rhett's bringing it.

Well done.

Fave is making anon comments on Cuban's site. Perfect.

Blogger Dan B. said...
If we're going to be forced to suffer through another fucking lockout, the least David Stern could do is grow another kickass lockout beard.

Blogger Flud said...
Well, he's not helpin'.

Will there be reports on any euro-basket? They are professional players, and there will be some bawful stuff. You know there will.


WV: tiedface. Stern's face grew so long, you could tie a knot in it.

Blogger DieblerFever said...
Buying a suspicious white powder from Derek Anderson's friend

Blogger Wormboy said...
@Dan B.: Looks like Stern is about to do a Dr. Evil finger.

@Rhett: my fave is also the Cuban site postings. But you forgot posting here, criticizing these guys for being far too hard on the poor, poor Heat.

Blogger Mark said...
Hey dildus it's your pal kuskus. Welp, you don't have PMs or any other info so I'll just tell you that if Zalgo doesn't want it on the first I'll ship it to you.

Blogger The Cruise said...
"A late Night with David Letterman top ten list that hinges on a Kevin Federline joke."


Blogger Evil Ted said...
kuskus - Don't run drug deals through this site.

Cruise - "What is...this post."

Blogger Rhett said...
hey wombat its water buffulo. the blue bird eats pine nuts at a quarter to six. pump up your big kicks and work the sailors knot.
over and out.