Artoo says the chances of T-Mac staying healthy
are seven hundred seventy-five...to one.

The Basketbawful readers have spoken! (Well, mostly AnacondaHL with a little AK Dave.) And now, I proudly (and very geekily) present: The Official NBA/Star Wars Machinery Crossover List! Many thanks to Evil Ted for the super-quick Photoshoppin'. He could totally Photoshop the Kessel run in less than 12 parsecs. (And don't even start in with me about how "parsec" is a unit of measurement...)

AT-ST: Paul Pierce
AT-AT: Tyson Chandler
Landspeeder: Brandon Roy
Snowspeeder: Deron Williams
X-Wing: Dwyane Wade
A-Wing: Chris Paul
B-Wing: Chauncey Billups
Y-Wing: Jason Kidd
Jedi Starfighter: Kevin Durant
Millenium Falcon: LeBron James
Slave I: Dwayne Wade
TIE Fighter: Bruce Bowen
TIE Interceptor: Tony Parker
TIE Bomber: Ron Artest
TIE advanced x1: Kobe Bryant
Tantive IV: Dirk Nowitzki
Mon Calamari Cruiser: Zydrunas Ilgauskas
Rebel Medical Frigate: Tracy McGrady
Star Destroyer: Tim Duncan
Super Star Destroyer: Dwight Howard
Death Star: Shaq
Speeder Bike: Mario West
Lambda Shuttle: Jake Voshkul
R2-D2: Nate Robinson
C-3PO: Yao

BadDave and AK Dave also provided the following non-machinery crossovers:

Tauntaun: Brad Miller. Just cut him open for a nice warm nap.
Wampa: Joel Przybilla
Sandcrawler: Glen Davis
Bantha: Kendrik Perkins
Mynock: Kirk Hinrich (...chewing on the power cables...)
Rankor: Joakim Noah

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Blogger Dan said...
Tim should be the Super Star Destroyer and Dwight the regular... I mean c'mon man!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I think -

TIE Fighter: KneeMac (rare flashes of brilliance, but so easily destroyed it's not really worth it anymore)

Jar Jar Binks: Bruce Bowen (he had to go somewhere. NBAs most annoying defender gets a reference to the silver screen's most annoying character!)

Wookiee: Sasha Vujacic (for that ridiculous thing on his head he calls hair.)

Stormtrooper: Baron Davis (FG% went where?)

Holy crap I'm such a geek!

Blogger Unknown said...
Somebody needs to be the T-16

I'm nominating Steve Blake- he's nothing flashy, and a TIE Figher would pwn it- but he can bullseye whomp-rats like a MF

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Hey Bawful,

Found an animated gif of Shannon Brown's monster block on our favorite player, Super Mario West.


Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh, and it's mynock, not minoc.

Holy crap, I'm a super geek!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Crap, my bad. Mynock... noted. Still I think my Hinrich comparison works- a small fast flying creature that leeches onto ships and drains their power slowly.

Blogger David Menéndez said...
A great list, and I laughed. And yet the first thing that crossed my mind is Dan's comment. Howard over Duncan? Really?

...I'm such a homer.

Blogger Justin said...
Why is Dwyane Wade listed twice? (He should totally be Slave I, though)

Which version of the Jedi Starfighter are we talking? There's two different varieties shown in the films.

What about the Naboo Starfighter?

What about all the Droid Army vehicles? There's some good ones in there.

Where's the Death Star II?

Oh and Sasha Vujacic is definitely the Dianoga.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Dwane Wade got 2 different ships X wing and Slave I

Blogger Justin Walsh said...
bawful, why is WADE two SW vehicles? I love the SLAVE1 choice, stealth, run up on yo ass and BAM. You out sucka. Other one is debatable. (I am a huge Star Wars geek)

Blogger Unknown said...
I'm not sure that I would put Lebron as the Falcon. It kind of makes sense because usually we think of the Millenium Falcon as the best ship in the Star Wars universe. The MF is known for being able to take a beating and still surviving, which sounds a lot like Lebron.

I don't know though. With the MF, we are told that it "doesn't look like much but it's got it where it counts." Lebron clearly does not look like a pile of junk. He looks like he's a good basketball player with his size and strength. I started thinking of players who do not look like basketball players but are still pretty good. Tayshaun Prince comes to mind because he looks kind of skeletal, but he plays pretty well. I don't know if he is good enough to be the MF though.

The other thing about the MF is that it had so many mechanical problems. There are some players with some lingering health issues that remind me of the MF. Remember in Empire Strikes Back when Lando says: "They told me they fixed it!" after realizing the hyperdrive is still broken? I bet Gilbert Arenas or TMac might have been saying the same thing. Again, it's hard to draw the comparison.

I vote DWade for the Millenium Falcon even though that would require changing around some of the others. When he weaves in and out of the lane, he kind of looks like the Falcon going through the asteroid field. Also, he has had plenty of injury history to qualify. Just a thought.

"(And don't even start in with me about how "parsec" is a unit of measurement...)"

This isn't a problem, by the way. It is a measurement of distance, not time, but the Kessel run is measured in distance. That is because the Kessel run is a space flight through the Maw Black Hole Cluster. If you can do the run in a shorter distance, then your ship is even closer to the black holes. A path with greater parsecs means that the ship had to take a more conservative, less direct route in order to avoid being sucked into a black hole.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Should totally add this:

Jabba's Sail Barge: Jerome James / Eddy Curry

Dianoga: Amar'e Stoudemire (lol eyes)

But can we not try to place DWade at nearly every single point? Slave I is where he should be, we need to think of a new guy for an X-Wing. I'd go for Danny Granger, but that's my own personal opinion.

Why is Dirk the Tantive IV? Last I checked, Dirk was worth a lot more than futilely running away from bigger guns.

It's interesting because I was thinking sort of the same thing, LBJ doesn't seem like a Falcon type person. How about Tim Duncan as the Falcon? The Falcon's a ship that nobody recognizes from far away until it comes up and BAM! It's completely like TD's play - quietest display of dominance ever (Duncan Face notwithstanding). Put LBJ as a Super Star Destroyer, and move Dwight Howard to Imperial Interdictor Cruiser.

This doesn't take into account that there are Victory and Imperial-class Star Destroyers...

While I'm at it, it's Rancor, not Rankor.

AK Dave and co. - thanks for totally waking up the geek-side of me.

Blogger Unknown said...
Those big walking things (yea, I said walking things, was never a big star wars guy) in the second movie that got taken out at the knees should be TMac.

Blogger lordhenry said...
Ok, now its time for the Sith Lord/Jedi Knight roundup:

Luke: Lebron
Obi-Wan: Dwayne Wade
Quai-gon: Paul Pierce
Mace: Kevin Garnett

Darth Vader: Kobe Bryant
Count Dooku: Shaq
Darth Maul: Tim Duncan
Emperor Palpatine: Phil Jackson

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Check out the comments on the previous post on Basketbawful for the explanation of D-Wade being an X-wing Fighter.

I have to disagree with your analysis. Yeah, the MF was always in disarray, but in ROTJ, it was the most versatile and powerful fighter out there. Oh, and it destroyed the Death Star.

Plus, EVERYBODY loves the Millenium Falcon. It is a central and focal point in both the plot of the movies and the hearts of Star Wars fans. It's Han Solo's ship. It has laser turrets and seemingly endless shield power. It freakin RULES. You really want TAYSHAUN PRINCE or Knee-Mac to be that ship? Come on, dude.

This conversation is Nerd-errific!!

Blogger Jim in KFalls said...
Hell, as long as we're doing SW mashups:

I vote:
Greg Oden as the Death Star II - (he's still broken, but somewhat operational) and Luke Walton as the garbage monster

Blogger IOxford said...
Good blog. I blog on sports too. Check my blog out at sportswisiah.blogspot.com


Blogger tony.bluntana said...
chris: I'm down to replace R-Lo with Jermereo Davidson.

I think my digital camera will be good enough. I downloaded some free editing software so I can condense the presentation into lowlights so people don't have to sit through the whole game. Personally, I look forward to watching the game, though.

I'm going to try to get the Scala/Bonner lowlights online (probably tomorrow); so you can get an idea of what we're looking at.

Also, I found a very exciting free agent who's going to either make a guest appearance, or maybe star in the dunk contest... no, three-point shootout.

Starter suggestions?

P.S. Does anybody else remember playing one on one with bluescreen Bill Walton at the Basketball Hall of Fame in Springfield, MA?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
i thought Knee-Mac was Admiral Ackbar. He most likely warned NJ Nets about his trade for Carter: "Beware, it's a trap!!""

Blogger Unknown said...

I said that Tayshaun Prince wasn't good enough to be the MF. But he has the "not looking like much" part down very nicely.

Knee-mac is too banged up to be the MF. I'm not sure if I made that clear, but I definitely don't want anyone to think that I believe otherwise.

The Lebron thing isn't a big issue, I just wanted to see if there was a more appropriate selection based on the fact that the Falcon looks like crap on the outside. Part of the awesomeness of the Falcon is that it's deceptively awesome, and nothing about Lebron is deceptively awesome. Versatile, yes. Deceptive? Not quite.

Overall I'm just throwing out some extra ideas. I didn't want to go here, but the Sun Crusher from the Jedi Academy trilogy (horribly written novels by Kevin Anderson) is probably the best ship for Lebron in the Star Wars universe (if the expanded universe counts). It is an indestructible ship that is agile and relatively small (compared to Shaq/Death Star) but has the capability to destroy a sun. An author had to invent a contrived and excessively unrealistic (even by Star Wars standards) doomsday device, but that may be the closet Star Wars machine to match Lebron's prowess. Just sayin'.

Stupid Kobe Bryant got away with a push-off at the end of the Hornets/Lakers game. Not only did he get away with it, they called the foul on Chris Paul, it was his 6th.

Blogger Clifton said...
Chewbacca (or any Wookiee): Marc Gasol

Blogger chris said...
tony.bluntana - After consideration, I think Kyrylo Fesenko is indeed a stronger candidate for all-lacktivity "honors" than even Davidson, though Davidson has made a good case recently.

Weems and West definitely solidified their candidacies with lacktion tonight!

And yes, I am absolutely looking forward to watching the unedited all-lacktion spectacular, though we could hillariously snazz it up with on-screen graphics (Windows Movie Maker!) to make it look semi-professional.

My picks for starters coming up in a second. (BTW, interesting - All-Lacktion candidate Othello Hunter just got demoted to the D-League!)

Blogger chris said...
The economic centerpice of the Billups/Iverson megatrade, Cheikh Samb just got WAIVED by the Clippers (ouch) -


tony.bluntana - My picks, which we can always change before the game if we think of anyone even more deserving...

Seems to me the Leastern Conference will be the most effective at being ineffective come All-Lacktion Weekend!

Jake Voskuhl (Toronto) - C
Nathan Jawai (Toronto) - PF
Yakhouba Diawara (Miami) - SF
Mario West (Atlanta) - SG
Tarence Kinsey (Cleveland, currently injured) - SG (if Kinsey can't virtually make it to the virtual game, Chris-Douglas Roberts (New Jersey) is a goo dreplacement.)

The West does have one aforementioned major lacktator in Cheikh Samb, though inevitably the question arises - does he even count for the team if he no longer belongs on the Clips?

Cheikh Samb (LA Clippers until yesterday) - C (if ineligible, Kyrylo Fesenko (Utah) as the big man)
Jared Dudley (Phoenix) - SF
Jermareo Davidson (Golden State)- PF (Yeah, I guess he fits in after all)
Greg Buckner (Memphis) - SG
Sun Yue (LA Lakers) - SG (via ballot stuffing! Anthony Morrow is a more deserving candidate)

Blogger chris said...
Oh, interesting tidbit:


"Davidson was named to the NBA 2007 Summer League All-Pro Second Team along with teammate Jared Dudley."

Yeah, I think Davidson and Dudley need to be paired on the west's all-lacktion team after all! Talk about one hell of a coincidence.

Blogger The Dude Abides said...
Reverend, even Manu couldn't approach the sheer theatrics of that flop by CP3 that resulted in his sixth foul. The one angle that showed the "push" by Kobe indicated that it was a slight nudge, at best. CP3 got the foul because his spinning, 360 degree horizontal flop tripped Kobe, who would have retrieved the ball before it went out of bounds.

I've seen CP3 draw HEAVY contact on his driving layups from bigs who outweigh him by 60 pounds, yet he retains his balance time and again for three-point plays. And he's trying to convince the ref that his Greg Louganis triple gainer with a twist was a result of that little nudge by Kobe? The only flops I've ever seen that approached the sheer overacting of that last play by Chris Paul have been committed by those Euro soccer players on sports bloopers shows.

Blogger Impotent Waffle said...
OOwee the Thrilla Pryzbilla getting some love.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Nomination for LA Clippers already after the first quarter.

Down by 22.
Steve Blake has 14 assists in the first 12 minutes!
Aldridge has 18 points on 9/10 shooting.
Team shooting is a touch under 70% (0.692)

Granted it's only the first quarter. But what a quarter indeed.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Excuse me for being out for the weekend, love the comments, and love the pic, ET.

But we never did come to a consensus on who to replace as Slave I, if Dwayne Wade is to be the X-Wing, hence the double name. I'd hate to over-rate him, but Kevin Durant may be the better fit there, just for his sheer offence. Since the Jedi Starfighter (starts out awesome used by young Obi-wan, lacks hyperdrive) eventually becomes the TIE Fighter, that may be the place to put Carmelo Anthony.

And why Dwight versus Duncan? Duncan is old reliable, but Howard is Mr. 45-19-8, easy decision.

lordhenry: Any Star Wars characters/NBA crossover that DOESN'T start with David Stern as the Emperor is completely incorrect. You have failed us for the last time...

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Additionally for the non-machinery list -
General Grievous: Greg Oden
Boss Nass: Eddy Curry
Count Dooku: Isiah Thomas
Jar Jar Binks: The Los Angeles Clippers

Anonymous Anonymous said...
A parsec is a unit of distance but any star wars nerd will tell you that the Kessel run involves skirting the edges of black holes. Thus making the run in less DISTANCE means that you are going closer to the black holes than anyone else dares. It's more a measure of personal courage and ship maneuverability than ship speed.

Blogger Shiv said...
I vote for Steve Nash as the Falcon. Everyone loves him. He's better than he looks. And he comes up with the assist when it's most needed ("You're all clear kid! Now blow this thing so we can all go home").

This means that Wade and Lebron get to be the X-Wing and Slave 1. It really doesn't matter which is which cos they're both badass. I think Lebron should be the X-Wing cos he gets all the hype, while Wade is still flying under the radar (despite his credentials).