Whatever you do, don't make Scottie Pippen angry. Why not? Because he will absolutely blast you on NBA.com. Seriously. After the Knicks traded for Steve Francis, Pippen laid waste to pretty much everybody who ever was. Himself included.

Angry pippen
Scottie Pippen: So very angry.

I don't know why Scottie's so angry. Maybe somebody took a huge, steamy dump in his corn flakes, or maybe Michael Jackson's plastic surgeon refused to fix his nose. It could be anything. But his rant reveals much of what goes on in a retired player's mind. First of all, he rags on Francis for demanding trades, even though Scottie himself demanded to be traded, many times, first from Chicago and later from Houston. He also said that Francis shouldn't have portrayed himself as a franchise player when he clearly wasn't one. Of course, didn't Pippen also portray himself as a franchise player? Someone will have to refresh my memory, because I forget how many championships Scottie won without you-know-who.

The best part of the rant was when he went after
Eddy Curry...and himself:
"Eddy Curry's success coming to New York has been about as good as my success coming back to Chicago when my career was pretty much done."
That is totally freaking awesome! I'm shedding a tear even as I write this. I may have that quote tattooed across my left butt-cheek or something. It's so true, and so sarcastic. The fact that Pippen busted on fat Eddy and himself, all in the same sentence...well, let's just say I may need to change my underwear.

My second favorite part came after Scottie tried to make sense of the Knicks bizarre personnel choices. He finally lost it and said: "What are you going to do with these guys?" (The italization was retained from the original article.) Maybe Scottie has stock in the Knicks or something. But can't you just imagine him yelling out that line, then dropping to his knees, throwing his hands in the air, and then screaming "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" to the heavens? Okay, maybe it's just me.
Blogger Kim said...
Hey, I found your blog about a week ago and I love it... hilarious!
I'm a huge Pacers fan & the "Super Sexy Pacers" post was great.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Thanks Kim. We're crazy insane Pacers fans too...so you are always welcome here.