Looking for the latest breaking NBA news? Undoubtedly, then, you favor a reputable national sports network such as ESPN or Yahoo Sports. Allow me to be the first label you a misguided fool. It is those very sources where your news is filtered, homogenized, and censored. You're getting only the information some spin-doctor or PR person wants you to have. That's no way to keep your finger on the pulse of your favorite NBA team.

So where does an inquisitive basketball fan go? Why, straight to your team's Web site, of course. The elements of a team Web site often give you tremendous insight into the inner workings, morale, and self-image that a team has. Sometimes, the raw, unfiltered, usually unintended "secondary message" of a team is hitting you right in the face, and other times, you need to dig a little deeper. If you're persistent, you can always learn something that your other news outlets simply cannot report to you through their traditional means.

Let's begin:

Bulls:




Simple promotion to get some prep kids to shop with past and present Bulls players, or desperate attempt to find another opportunity to blatantly trot out the 6 Larry O'Briens? The last championship was in 1998, people! Furthermore, is MJ aware you took those out of his house for this photo shoot?

Secondary message: "Enjoy the six we've got, folks, because with all the talk about Derrick Rose winning us another six, we're not holding our breath."

This not only reminds me how Bears fans keep harkening back to 1986 (when they trounced my beloved Pats), but also makes me sad knowing that Tom Brady, Rodney Harrison and the Frozen head of Bob Kraft are going to hold a black-tie cotillion for their three Lombardi trophies in the year 2035.

Onward...

Celtics:




This is a small, unassuming part of the Celtics home page, but it speaks volumes. This poll should read: "Which of these players will contribute least to a loss so humiliating that you drink far too much at the game, attempt to drive home from the TD Garden, get pulled ovah by a statey on the Mass turnpike, blow a .15, get charged with DUI and ruin your life even worse than it is going to be ruined by having to watch your ancient Celtics die a slow and agonizing death."

But I don't think that would fit into the box.

Secondary message: We're not getting Chris Paul. Prepare for the decline sooner rather than later.

Lakers:




Oops. Isn't that guy doing charity work in the middle there not on the team anymore?

Secondary message: Somebody in management still can't believe he gave up Lamar Odom for nothing. Either that, or the Webmaster is neglecting his duties to hit the clubs and score a little blow. One or the other.

Kings:





This is a kick-ass splash page, complete with a Hollywood-quality video and everything. It is super-cool and far outdoes the opening page of other teams. You should check it out.

This brings us to the following truism: the predicted talent level of a team has an inverse relationship to the awesomeness of its splash page. In other words...

Secondary message: "Hope you like the splash page, folks. That's all there is. We're the friggin' Sacramento Kings, for God's sake. Did you hear this California team's name getting bandied about with all this free agent posturing? Of course you didn't. Shut up and enjoy the video."


Pacers:




Guess who the Pacers just spent the rest of their money on?

Secondary message: Shiny new contract, giant double-basketball strong man pose - me thinks someone's due for a letdown year.

Hornets:




This Web site is nothing BUT Secondary Message: "The only thing we're positive is going to be here on opening day is this basketball." I wouldn't be so sure- the ball doesn't look that happy either.


Knicks:




Gosh, Mike Bibby looks spry and virile in this picture, doesn't he? Almost makes you think he's going be a solid contributor to the Knicks this year. Then look at the Photo acknowledgment: Getty Images. For those of you not in the know, Getty is a premiere online creator of expensive, visually compelling imagery.

Secondary message: That picture may not only be Photoshopped, God knows what year it's from. In fact, isn't that a Hawks jersey? I guess they figured "Eh, the ball's covering everything but the "KS" part. Nobody'll know the difference...unless, of course, we stream a pic of current Bibby right after it...




...Yeah, here's who the Knicks actually got. See that fella who looks like he just wandered to the top of the basement stairs with a Pabst Blue Ribbon in one hand and a remote control in the other? That's him.

76ers:

The Sixers seem to have decided to forego a secondary message altogether, and are unnecessarily rough on themselves on their Web site:




OK, OK, I might have messed with that one a bit.

Nets:

Were you not aware that Nets Owner Mikhail Prokorov has decided to make a presidential run against Vladimir Putin? Well, a simple visit to the Web site would give you plenty of indication that something very Rocky IV is going on here...




I didn't mess with that graphic at all. I swear...

Anyway, if you're still trying to decipher why Dwight Howard is making such a push to become a Net, just go at it harder, and get a little deeper. That's what she said.




"Yeah...uhm...pay me whatever...do the girls wear those outfits when they're dancing?"

Heat:




No bells or whistles here. Nothing nearly as impressive as that smokin' Sacramento Kings site (thus proving that whole inverse relationship truism thing). In other words...

Primary Message: We just signed Shane Battier.
Secondary Message: We just signed m*th*rf**king Shane Battier, and Udonis Haslem will be healthy, beyotches.
Third Message: We're coming. And we're a little more pissed off this time.

Allow me to quietly mope into a dark corner, curl into a fetal position, insert my thumb in my mouth, and prepare for the Heat-ocolypse.

And there you have it folks. All the insider news you could possibly handle, if you just know where to look and how to interpret it. Now find your own Secondary Message and send it on over.

And hey, might as well give you an early Christmas Present video. On my sister site, Lemonwall, I have deposited my video review of the enormously complicated Board game associated with the classic film A Christmas Story. Came out good - not Photoshopped Bibby good, but good.


Enjoy! Click Here and let the fun begin!

Labels: NBA, secondary message, web sites