Back in the day, when the "Internet" was a subscription to America Online and "blogging" was complaining to a group of twenty people in the alt.basketball.sucks newsgroup, the Basketbawful crew had a vision. And a VHS camcorder and a ridiculous amount of free time.

And now, for your Oscar consideration: "Basketball's Greatest Rivalries": An insightful and thought-provoking narrative on the pervasive influence of corporate sports marketing, and it's trickle-down effect on the psyche of America's youth. The "Lamont" character represents the children of tomorrow. The "Boris" character is just kind of a dick. Adjust your speakers, the audio isn't the best.
BGR made a few rounds on public access (the YouTube of 1995) and drew enough attention to spawn a slightly more ambitious (and much more criminous) sequel. This time Josh squares off against a returning Boris, who has become notorious for his hatred of talentless ball players and breakfast cereals.

The response to BGR was enough to encourage us to move into motion pictures. That is, until we actually tried it. In true Joel-Schumacher-Batman-And-Robin fashion, it killed the Basketbawful series dead for many years. Here is the movie trailer we shot, starring Josh and a thinner and more asthmatic Mr. P, and a slew of ad-libbing strangers. (Note: never ask strangers to ad-lib anything. Ever.)

Labels: Breakfast Cereals, licensed products, shady deals, Videos, WTF

Life is funny. Sometimes you find something awesome, and sometimes something awesome finds you. In this case, a little of both happened when our good friend Evil Ted stumbled across this Steve Nash bobblepop doll at a Blockbuster video in Oak Park, Illinois. A bargain at only $5 plus tax? Absolutely.

Now, I'm only guessing this doll is supposed to be Steve Nash because it's wearing a Phoenix Suns jersey with a number 13 on it...just like Captain Canada himself. But this might be a pretty big assumption considering the fact that "Nash" looks like the mutant love child of Pee-wee Herman and Annie Lennox. Which, come to think of it, pretty much means it just looks like Annie Lennox. You think I'm kidding? No way. And I can assure you that sweet dreams are not made of these.


Also take note of the raised, Cro-Magnon Neanderthal brow. It's like the first mold was supposed to be one of those Geico cavemen and somebody said, "No, wait, that looks more like NBA superstar Steve Nash! Let's go with it!" And I haven't even told you the best part yet. Remember how I called it a "bobblepop" doll? This means that the doll does more than just shake its disturbing little head while those stunning blue eyes stare directly into your very soul. It also "transforms" into a lollipop. But not just any old lollipop. It becomes the freakiest NBA-licensed lollipop ever. And I have the photographic evidence necessary to back up that claim.


That's right, folks. For only the aforementioned $5 plus tax, you too can lick on delicious candy that's jutting straight out of Steve Nash's nether regions. Seriously, though, couldn't they have at least left his shorts on or something? I'm a big fan and all that, but even I don't want to look down at Nash's bare legs while enjoying a sugary confection. It truly gives new meaning to the term "sucker."

And lest you think this is just my sorry attempt at an April Fool's gag and/or another penis joke, here's the proof that this is indeed an officially-sanctioned piece of NBA merchandise.

Labels: bobbleheads, creepy, licensed products, Steve Nash