Am I the only one who thinks it looks like LeBron is taking an atomic kneeto the groin? 1,000 Bawful Bucks to anyone who wants to add FX to this pic.
Editor's note: I'm off to New Orleans to celebrate Mardi Gras tomorrow morning, so this will be my last post until sometime next week. In the meantime, Chris, Dan B., Evil Ted and maybe even AnacondaHL will be providing your bawful lolz. Stay classy, everybody.

The Orlando Magic: The Magic were pretty happy with themselves after a couple recent wins over the Celtics. But let's be realistic, shall we? The Celtics of 2010 are not the Celtics of 2008. Hell, they just lost to the Chris Paul-less Hornets in Boston. They are no longer The Team to Beat. That would be the Cleveland Craboliers. Orlando had the chance to pick the Crabs off last night. But they didn't get it done.

Falling behind 37-23 after the first 12 minutes sure didn't help their cause. But credit the Magic for kicking it into gear in the second quarter, during which they outscored Cleveland 40-29 to make a game of it.

Things were pretty tight the rest of the way, but Orlando fell to pieces in the fourth quarter, thanks in part to a five-minute scoring drought in the fourth quarter after Dwight Howard spun around Shaq for a dunk to put the Magic up 96-94.

Said Basketbawful reader BW in Cleveland: "Someone get the Orlando Magic a team supply of Depends because they just pissed all over themselves. You're leading in the 4th quarter after making a good run then proceed to just stop playing perimeter defense as the Cavs shoot 10-19 and 4-7 from the outside. Oh yeah, Wince also shot a blistering 5-16 from the field and was a defensive stalwart with a nice -21 on the night. Can we all agree the Magic will need to catch lightning in a bottle again this year to duplicate the run they made last season?"

Well, while I do think that's true, it's likely the Magic actually lost this game when Dwight agreed to film the following commercial:


Look, we all know Shaq annexed the Superman nickname years and years ago. We also know that The Big Geritol has basically coasted through the regular season since, what, 2002? But Shaq always gets fired up whan 1) he's facing another "dominant" center and 2) when he has been slighted by comparisons to said center...regardless of whether those slights are real or imagined.

Well, Shaq doesn't like the fact that people call Howard "Superman." He also hates Howard being likened to a younger version of himself. And, most of all, he hates the fact that he plays Howard straight up while the Magic double down on him.

Said Shaq: "Superman my ass. ... I don't really consider it manning up until you play me straight up. When I was coming up and there was Pat Ewing and Hakeem [Olajuwon], I never doubled anybody. You tell me who the real Superman is."

The Big Bitchy is, as usual, exercising a little selective memory. Dude's been around a long time, and trust me, his teams have used selective double-teaming when necessary. Hell, it happened back in the 1995 NBA Finals against Hakeem Olajuwon. Not on every possession, but it happened. Trust me on that. I just re-watched those Finals last summer.

But, again as usual, all that matters to Shaq is the reality he has created and chooses to believe in.

"Don't let them double team me and make it a him vs. me thing," O'Neal said. "Been doing it 18 years straight. Hakeem, Ewing, Rik Smits, [Tim] Duncan, [David] Robinson, the best of the best, straight up. I never doubled nobody. Nor have I ever asked for double team. If want to bang and push, let's bang and push. You're all giving away [Superman] titles, it's crazy."

Added King Crab: "The whole Superman thing kind of bothers him. That's definitely his nickname, and the fact that everybody kind of gave Dwight his name kind of bothers him a little bit."

Uhm, ya think?

Concluded Shaq: "Don't compare me to nobody. I'd rather not be mentioned. I'm offended."

Okay, okay, we get it, already!

For all the bluster, Shaq had more than words going for him last night. The Big Statue was in foul trouble for most of the night, but he actually took over defensively once he got back into the game in the fourth quarter.

As Brian Windhorst put it: "Only the finish belonged to O'Neal. He had a dunk and a layup on Howard and pulled down three key defensive rebounds. Howard went scoreless over the final seven and a half minutes and a close game turned lopsided. Some of it was because the Magic, as they tend to do when they lose, forgot about Howard and didn't feed him the ball. And some of it was because O'Neal refused to allow Howard to get position and refused to accept help to do so."

In non-Shaq news, the win allowed the Crabs to make history. Their 13-game winning streak isn't only the longest in the league this season, it tied both the Cleveland freanchise record and tied the legendary 1985-86 Boston Celtics for the most consecutive victories heading into the All-Star break.

The Denver Nuggets: Well...I guess the Nuggets started their All-Star break a little bit early. Both Carmelo Anthony (6-for-17, 5 fouls, 4 turnovers) and Chauncey Billups (4-for-16, 1-for-8 from downtown) were on hand as Denver played the cheap hoe to San Antonio's bitch slap. The Nuggets shot 39 percent from the field, were outrebounded 45-32 and got outscored in the paint 54-30.

The AP recap was quick to point out that the Nuggets "were missing their best defensive player, Kenyon Martin, who sat out a second consecutive game because of tendinitis in his left knee." However, that doesn't really explain why the Spurs came into their house and hit better than 53 percent of their field goals, including almost 50 percent of their treys (9-for-19). Not only that, San Antonio went on so many runs during the game -- 8-0 in the second quarter, 7-0 in the third, 14-2 in the fourth -- I was ready to rename them Team Ex-Lax.

Seven Spurs scored in double figures, including all five starters. The final score of 111-92 looks bad enough, but it might have been even worse. After all, the Spurs bonked 10 free throws.

And did I mention Tony Parker was out with a left hip flexor strain?

Said George Karl: "They were hungry. They were intense and angry and had an attitude. It was kind of payback for the two wins we took from them down there. Sometimes, I think when we don't score, when we don't have offense, we get frustrated. Other than the first quarter, we shot under 35 percent all night."

Added 'Melo: "I think in the back of their minds, they knew that we won on their court, got 'em twice down there, and they saw this as an opportunity to get one going into the break. It was just one of those nights."

And honestly, I'm not sure the Spurs were playing all that well. Neither is Basketbawful reader NarSARSsist, who said: "Some terrible defense at the end of the third quarter for the Spurs, highlighting just how much they miss having a real defensive stopper. On the first possession, the Nuggets inbound to Nene near the three point line, and Nene passes it down low to JR Smith, who is posting Ginobili up one on one. A simple spin around gets Smith past Ginobili for a 270 dunk and one. On the next Nuggets possession, the Nuggets run the same iso with Melo against Keith Bogans. Melo just turns and saunters by Bogans and dunks it home. It was such a terrible pair of plays that Pop briefly contemplated mid-season retirement."

Spurs explosion or Nuggets meltdown? Or was it a little of column A, a little of column B?

The loss was Denver's fourth in 28 home games. It was also only the fourth time this season they failed to score 100 or more points in the Pepsi Center.

Bad cheerleading outfits: Uhm...okay...

Someone got paid to design these.
Steve Nash, commercial genius: This is a "Best of the Night," actually. And if I were a woman, I would want to have Steve Nash's babies...however lazy-eyed and freaky they might look. Thanks to AnacondaHL for the link, btw.


Nike: When the biggest shoe company in the world is doing a photo shoot with the best college basketball player in the country, you'd think they'd be able to make sure they spelled "Kentucky" correctly on his jersey, right? Well, they didn't.

Kentcuky?! FAIL.
Some people say this "hints" at the fact that John Wall will leave Kentucky after this season to declare for the NBA draft. Wow. What an...yaaaaawn...exciting conspiracy theory. A tip 'o the hat to Basketbawful reader Wira, who provided the link.

Labels: Canadians are awesome (just look at Steve Nash), Cleveland Cavaliers, Denver Nuggets, Dwight Howard, John Wall, Orlando Magic, San Antonio Spurs, Shaq, Worst of the Night

Take off!
Merry Christmas everyone! (And to those who do not celebrate Christmas, happy every-other-day!) Get ready for an abbreviated WOTN, plus the usuals.

Oh, and sorry, but I'm getting lazy on the previews for this weekend's games. Consider it a Christmas gift to myself. You are still more than welcome to stop by all weekend and post in the comments section though! We'll be around.

Your Quick NBA 2K10 Update:
My improved play has helped carry my Spurs onto a nice winning streak, and we recently added victories against the Nuggets and the Timberwolves (who are much better in my game than they are in real life, since they traded for a magically healthy Greg Oden). The Nuggets game was tough -- their guards are some of the quickest in the game, and it made driving the lane difficult. I had a very poor shooting performance, but dropped dimes like a madman, and blocked their last-second shot attempt to seal the game. And we just blew the holy hell out of the Timberwolves after I scored 18 first quarter points and ended up shooting over 80% for the game (two blocked shots under the basket, made every other jumper and layup). I spent most of the second half playing the perimeter and racking up assists, so I didn't really score many points, but it was enough to win by 25 points.

The best news of all? There's only one game left in the regular season, and we've already clinched a playoff spot.

Worst of the Worst of the Night:
The New Jersey Nyets: As noted in the comments by The Dude Abides:

Good God, the end of that Minny-Jersey game was epic. But only on the Jersey side, as Minny made their free throws.

Jersey with the ball, about 22 seconds left, down four: they go for a quick two, but the Minny defender cuts off Harris, who passes out to the 3-pt line. One more pass around the arc and there's about 12 seconds left. You would think that at this point, the Nets would realize that you can't go for a quick two anymore. But Yi gets the ball and tries to drive, gets cut off, then passes back to Dooling beyond the arc, who pump fakes, tries to draw a foul, gets off balance, then passes while in the air to Yi for the corner three. There are now three seconds left. It's taken 19 seconds to get to this point. Yi shoots the corner three, and it hits the top corner of the backboard and caroms all the way back out to Dooling (or whoever is standing at the wing), who tries and fails to get the shot off before the final buzzer.

Even if he had managed to make a three before the final buzzer, the Nets still would have lost by a point. Hilariously epic fail.

The Detroit Pistons: John Kuester's team got a golden opportunity to turn things around by playing against the NBA's second-worst defense. And they pissed away that golden opportunity in a golden shower of failure. The Raptors were more like the Tyrannosauruses (Tyrannosaurii? I hate pluralizing words like that), and the final score ended up being an embarrassing 94-64. The Pistons shot 27.9% from the field, and made only one trey. By contrast, the Raptors shot nearly 54%, and drained 8 from downtown.

John Kuester, Self-Blame Machine: "That was a terrible, embarrassing loss. I'm taking the blame on myself, because we didn't look prepared, and that's my job." Keep losing games like that, and it won't be your job much longer.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:
I made a Snuggie joke yesterday... Does Carmelo read our blog???
The face of scoring 64 points in a game
Devin "We knew we were going to be a playoff team" Harris despair
(Playoffs??? We're talking about playoffs???)
Don Nelson despair
Atlanta Hawks despair
Michael Redd recoils in horror as Nick Young sharts all over himself
Ron Jeremy Stan Van Gundy approves of this public display of man love. Speaking of which...
The Hedgehog shows his team his "manual stimulation" technique.
(Hey, as soon as Ron Jeremy jokes stop being funny, I'll stop making them)
When did Tim Duncan switch bodies with ET?
LeBron subtly hints that he wants a Viewfinder for Christmas

Nationally Televised Christmas Friday Games:
Heat at Knicks: The Knicks have won three of their past five games. Those opponents? Bobcats, Bulls, Clippers, Bobcats again, and Bulls again. Really? Really?? It's not quite playing the Nyets and 'Wolves every game, but it's pretty damn close.

Celtics at Magic: Paul "I'm the best player in the world" Pierce will miss this game after having his knee drained. I wonder if he was taken away on a wheelchair after that procedure?

Crabs at Lakers: Finally, the puppets face off! Wait, this game will be played by actual people and not puppets??? Oh, darn.

Clippers at Suns: Well, I hear that Blake Griffin is only three weeks away from resuming basketball activities. That's nice. I wonder if the Clippers can reacquire Shaun Livingston and give his knees another shot? He needs the work.

Nuggets at Ail Blazers: Here's a quick "nugget" of knowledge (bad puns are awesome, sorry) for you: JR Smith went off for 41 against Atlanta on Wednesday. In doing so he attempted 17 three pointers. That's about as many as he attempted in the previous four games combined.


Nationally Televised Saturday Games:
Wizards Generals at Timberwolves: Again, why does the Basketbawful Game of the Night get national TV coverage?

All The Other Saturday Games:
Grizzlies at Mavericks
Hawks at Pacers
Rockets at Nyets
Hornets at Bulls: How long can the Notorious VDN hang on?
Bobcats at Thunder
Spurs at Bucks
76ers at Jazz
Lakers at Kings
Suns at Warriors: Holy lack of defense, Batman! This has all the makings of a 130-110 final score, EXCEPT the Suns are on the second night of a back-to-back, and might wear down in the second half.


Nationally Televised Sunday Games:
Spurs at Knicks: I can't believe I actually think the Knicks have a very good shot of winning this game.

All The Other Sunday Games:
Pistons at Raptors: Could the Pistons repeat their 64 point offensive output from their last game against the Raptors? I hope to God not, just for the sake of preventing mass suicides.
Rockets at Crabs
Pacers at Heat
Mavericks at Nuggets
Celtics at Clippers

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Canadians are awesome (just look at Steve Nash), Christmas weekend FTW