As we reflect upon the sudden retirement of the distinguished benchwarmer that is Scal himself...

The Basketball Jones offers up a nice photo essay on his comic, but ultimately successful career.  MORE RINGS THAN MALONE AND STOCKTON AND BARKLEY I TELL YOU

After all, one has to admire the dedication and jumpsuit-wearing skills it takes to get a ring while looking exactly like this:


Good luck in your future endeavors, you renaissance man you.

Labels: Brian Scalabrine, Brian Scalabrine looks like a gigantic oompa loompa, lacktion, retirement

Sorry it's been a few days since the last post in this series.

I also apologize for skipping the 2006-07 San Antonio Spurs. There just wasn't anybody in that group who really stood out as a Worst NBA Champion. And I spent literally minutes thinking about it. You know, between reading picking out bellybutton lint and Googling "Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus."

So since I copped out on naming the worst winner from the '07 Spurs, I am handing out the ultra-rare co-Worst NBA Champion award to Brian Scalabrine and Scot Pollard. Because we hear at Basketbawful take our quotas very seriously.

These fine examples of the inequites of human life appeared in a grand total of 70 games for the 2007-08 Boston Celtics (22 for Samurai Scot and 48 for the Ginger Ninja). Scal logged more minutes (517 to 173) but Pollard was the better shooter (52% to 30%). And although the raw numbers put Brian (1.8 PPG, 1.6 RPG) and Scot (1.8 PPG, 1.7 RPG) in a statistical dead heat, Pollard had the higher PER (8.7 to 5.7). They both finished the season with 0.6 Win Shares.

But enough about the regular season. With all due respect to Jim Mora, let's talk about playoffs. And that's where these two men have something in common. You know, besides their stunning whiteness and strangely similar Wikipedia pictures. They both logged exactly zero postseason minutes for the '08 Celtics.

Zero. Zilch. Nada.

"But Basketbawful," you say, "Didn't the Celtics beat the Lakers by 39 points in the series clincher? Surely Brian and Scot made at least a cameo appearance."

Nope. They were both left off Boston's playoff roster.

Of course, that didn't stop Scalabrine from showing off his ring with impunity:

Ring count: Brian Scalabrine 1. Charles Barkley, Dominique Wilkins,Elgin Baylor, John Stockton, Karl Malone and Patrick Ewing 0.
Ditto for Pollard. Warning: Don't look too closely at Craig Sager's freaky thumbnail:


But I'm gonna go ahead and give Scal and Pollard 1a. and 1b. status, respectively. Brian earned it. With this post-championship press conference:


When Brian Scalabrine becomes the voice of victory, something has gone horribly wrong.

Anyway, Pollard went out on top, retiring after his one and only title. Scalabrine hung on for a couple seasons, but the summer of 2010 -- during which Darko "Manna From Heaven" Milicic got a $20 million contract -- left Brian jobless.

And here we are.

Pollard is best known for bad hair, telling kids to do drugs on live TV, and inciting Cheryl Miller into her infamous "ballahz around the world" speech. Meanwhile, according to ESPN's Tom Haberstroh, Scalabrine is the worst player in Celtics history.

But they have rings.

Labels: Brian Scalabrine, Brian Scalabrine looks like a gigantic oompa loompa, Scot Pollard

Is it wrong to assume Dwayne Schintzius drove a bitchin' Camaro?
(Via Andy Gray's SI Vault)

Tragic news, as passed along by Basketbawful readers Preveen and NarSARSsist: Darnell "Lacktion" Jackson has been shipped to the NBA D-League. (Chris: And also noted by NarSARSist: Cedric "Lacktion II: Electric Boogaloo" Jackson's return to the undertier as well.)

...sad face.

This is horrible news, but also unsurprising considering that the Crabs are the same team who decided it was a good idea to set a world record for "largest gathering of people wearing fleece blankets." Yep, Snuggies.

...facepalm.

Speaking of facepalms, we need something to cheer us up, and this ought to do it. AnacondaHL has decided the New Jersey Nyets need a new team logo. I agree, and wholeheartedly approve of his effort:



Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Caption This!
How in the world does Stan Van Gundy keep showing up so often in my Caption This! photos?

This man was stuffing the NBA Jam player voting ballot box?
(Seriously, Go vote like hell.)

Drew Gooden and the Clippers - a match made in heaven

"I'm a karate man! And a karate man bruises on the inside! They don't show their weakness."

You know, arguing with the refs via interpretive dance isn't any more likely to get a call changed

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Brian Scalabrine looks like a gigantic oompa loompa