This morning, the anonymous dude on NPR said "On this day in history, the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor..." and I thought, "Holy Crap, It's Birdmas." Fortunately, I can say that one of the reasons I missed Birdmas was because I am working on a delicious, albeit unrelated, holiday gift of a video that I will present to you in a week or so on Lemonwall.

For those uninitiated, Birdmas (a.k.a., Larry Bird's birthday) is the day that we celebrate the coming of the great blonde hope not named Dirk.

In lieu of having new material (shame on me), let's take a trip down memory lane of previous Birdmas videos. It all began with a simple poem that blossomed into something fairly glorious. Even Laker fans told me they got a little misty:



And what is a holiday without songs? This came out the following year:



And finally, my War and Peace...the thing that, sadly, I might have put on my tombstone - an ode to the so-great-you wish-it-was-real theme park, LarryLand:



And this little video didn't get a lot of views, so it may be new to you...the Larryland bloopers and outtakes:



Merry Birdmas everyone! I promise to have something new and fantastic next year.

ET

Labels: Birdmas

On December 7, 1956, the Basketball Gods gave us their only son, Larry Joe Bird, the Basketball Jesus, to save the National Basketball Association from drug use, selfishess and boring NBA Finals that were shown on tape delay. And save the Association he did, even though he had to sacrifice his heart, his back, and his ghastly facial hair to do it.

And so every year on December 7th, we at Basketbawful celebrate the greatest of all holidays: Birdmas (originally "Bird Mass"). In recognition of this most holy day, Basketbawful is featuring this little-seen late night TV commercial that appears every now and again after info-mercials for spray-on hair, miracle dewrinkling cream, and the George Foreman Grill. Enjoy, and have a very merry Birdmas!


Birdmas Bonus! Hark the herald Celtics sing! We sure hope you remembered that the celebration of Birdmas actually begins the night before, on Birdmas Eve, when Santa Larry travels across the world on a magic parquet floor pulled by 80's Celtic roleplayers -- On Carr and Robey and Henderson and Buckner! On Kite and Wedman and Sichting and Vincent! -- delivering jump shots and no-look passes to all the good little boys and girls who believe that he was the greatest player to rock a pair of Chardon jeans.

Just remember, dear readers, making everyone's basketball dreams come true in a single night is hard work, so leave a little something next to the fire place for Santa Larry and his reign dears. But not milk and cookies and carrots. Leave a sack of greasy hamburgers for Larry...and don't worry about the reign dears. They're used to feeding off his table scraps.

It's also important to observe certain hallowed Birdmas traditions, such as wearing green and white, reading selected passages from The Holy Bird Bible, and watching Larry Bird: A Basketball Legend at least four or five times. You can also spend a little time in quiet contemplation of how much you hate the Lakers, even destroying something yellow. (This can be almost anything, from something as simple as a taxi cab or, for more hard core Birdmas celebrations, a Kobe Bryant.)

And because this epic is sure to bring a tear to the eye of even the most time-hardened cynic, we present, once again, The Night Before Birdmas!

Labels: Birdmas, Boston Celtics, gratuitous references to the 1969 NBA Finals, Larry Bird, the greatest of holidays

As some of you already know, the Grinches at YouTube did everything they could to steal Birdmas, repeatedly removing our The Night Before Birdmas video for their own grinchy purposes. Well, Birdmas is bigger than little things like laws and copyrights. So it's still available, both on YouTube and MySpace. So there.

In response to this outrage, Evil ted composed the following poem:

How the Youtube Grinch (almost) Stole Birdmas

Every Fan Down in Fanville Liked Birdmas a lot...
But the Youtube Grinch,Who lived north of Fanville, Did NOT!
The Youtube Grinch hated Birdmas! The whole Birdmas season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.
Or maybe the Grinchness came from the fools,
Who enforce the NBA’s rebroadcasting rules.
It takes a true Grinchness to rob fans of a visual toy,
Meant only to bring them some warm Birdmas joy...
You can read the rest of the poem in the comments section. Oh, and look for the Japanese version, coming soon to a free video provider near you (unless YouTube Bird-blocks us again):

Translation: "YouTube Wasps Attempt MolestingFeathered Creature Celebration of Holy Dishwater."

Labels: Basketbawful versus The Grinch, Birdmas, Grinch, Larry Bird, YouTube

On December 7, 1956, the Hoop Gods gave us their only son, Larry Joe Bird, the Basketball Jesus, to save the National Basketball Association from greed, selfishness and exceptionally low television ratings. And save the NBA he did, even though he had to sacrifice his heart, his back, and his ability to speak the English language to do it.

And so every year on December 7th, we at Basketbawful celebrate the greatest of all holidays: Birdmas (originally "Bird Mass"). But the celebration actually begins the night before, on Birdmas Eve, when Santa Larry travels across the world on a magic parquet floor pulled by 80's Celtic roleplayers -- On Carr and Robey and Henderson and Buckner! On Kite and Wedman and Sichting and Vincent! -- delivering jump shots and no-look passes to all the good little boys and girls who believe that he was the greatest player to ever rock short-shorts and a blond afro-mullet.

Just remember, dear readers, making everyone's basketball dreams come true in a single night is hard work, so leave a little something next to the fire place for Santa Larry and his reign dears. But not milk and cookies and carrots. Leave a plate of steak and potatoes for Larry...and don't worry about the reign dears. They're used to feeding off his table scraps.

It's also important to observe certain hallowed Birdmas traditions, such as wearing green and white, reading selected passages from The Holy Bird Bible, and watching Larry Bird: A Basketball Legend at least four or five times. You can also spend a little time in quiet contemplation of how much you hate the Lakers, even destroying something yellow. (This can be almost anything, from something as simple as a mustard-colored shirt or, for more hard core Birdmas celebrations, a live canary.)

In honor of this year's Birdmas, which falls on Sunday, we have prepared a very special video tribute to the season of basketball giving. Written and videographically presented by Evil Ted, and narrated by yours truly, this video is sure to bring a tear to the eye of even the most time-hardened cynic. So sit down, grab a wad of tissues, and prepare to be amazed by...The Night Before Birdmas!

EVIL TED UPDATE (12/6/08 - 12:30 PM CST): After 1,500 views and 24 hours, The original Night before Birdmas was removed from youtube, perhaps due to the brief NBA video segments that were included in it. Below is a revised version. If THIS one gets nixed, further attempts will be made... nobody should be deprived of their proper enjoyment of Birdmas.



If the youtube Grinch tries to steal Birdmas once again, here is an alternate location of the greatest video ever made (about Larry Bird, in December)...

The Night Before Birdmas

Labels: basketbawful videos, Birdmas, Boston Celtics, Evil Ted, Larry Bird, the greatest of holidays