THE PITCH

Nike Ad Man: "Ok LeBron, we've come up with something really slick for your next commercial: Scene: morning, Miami. You emerge from your gigantic mansion through wrought iron gates. A bunch of your admirers are anxiously waiting for you."

LeBron: "How long have they been there?"

Ad Man: "Doesn't matter."

LeBron: "Sure it does. I call neighborhood watch if there's people hanging outside my gates for too long."

Ad Man: "These people are harmless. They don't want to hurt you. They love you. They're huge fans."

LeBron: "Like the 'fans' who left Game 6 early?"

Ad Man: "No, no. None of these people could afford a Heat ticket. It's kids mainly."

LeBron: "I'm a grown man. That sounds creepy."

Ad Man: "No, no. It shows you're accessible."

LeBron: "But I'm not."

Ad Man: "Play along dude. Seriously. It's a commercial."

LeBron: "Ok, what next?"

Ad Man: "Then you and your gigantic posse clog up a major highway as if you're the President of the United States, barge through a parade, go swimming, then you school a bunch of inferior street ball players for your own amusement, make a thousand people wait out in the Miami heat while you practice basketball alone in an air-conditioned private gym, then finish up the day by returning to your mansion. The closing shot is your huge wrought iron gates sliding to a close in front the adoring crowd. Deprived of your Godlike presence, they wander off aimlessly and in silence."

LeBron: "I still think that makes me look like kind of a dick."

Ad Man: "Your payment for this commercial will be 12.6 million dollars."

LeBron: "Well, alrighty then. Let's just do it. 'Just do it'...you see what I did there?"

Ad Man: "Good one LJ."

LeBron: "Don't call me LJ."

Ad Man: "Sorry, Mr. James."

LeBron: "Better."

5 Comments:
Anonymous Aaron said...
No worse than his "What should I do?" commercial AFTER The Decision.

Where is his bike at the end? He left the house with a bike!

Blogger Jason said...
^^He gave his bike away because he's such a nice guy.

Blogger Wormboy said...
Evillllllll Tedddddd!

You missed the biggest point: LeBron is a cool guy because he finally acknowledges his male pattern baldness. You know, after hiding it for years beneath a headband. But he's so cool because he didn't resort to black shoe polish like former Jazz Boozer and a comb-forward like former Jazz Dee Ron.

Blogger Wormboy said...
Almost forgot: Steph Curry had 11 turnovers the night before. Worthy of a Bawful mention, no?

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