Look, I know that a certain segment of the Basketbawful demographic consists of nerds who love watching and/or playing the game of basketball. Mind you, this is not a criticism, since it pretty much describes, well, me. (For further details, please refer to my profile picture.) And in case you wanted something -- other than this site, of course -- that allows you to seamlessly blend your irrepressible geekdom WITH your appreciation of the world's greatest sport, I have just the product for you: Star Wars-themed basketball jerseys!
First up, Darth Vadar's "Dark Side" jersey. You know, in case you've ever fantasized about using telekinesis or a laser sword to kill your opponents. And let's face it: Who hasn't? This baby is a flat-out bargain at $1oo...especially when you consider that this Antoine Walker jersey could set you back almost $300. The Vader jersey is your destiny. Search your feelings. You know it to be true.
Breathing like Darth Vader is totally optional. Further human contact, on the other hand, is not.
If you're less "entrenched autocracy" and more of a "mysterious loner with floating morals" kind of guy or gal, you could go for the Boba Fett Assassins team jersey. Bonus: This jersey comes with a woven label patch that describes the character history of Boba Fett. You know, so you have something to do whien you're playing ball by yourself. Which, trust me, you will be. Possibly forever.
Warning: Wearing this jersey will not make you cool. It will actually remove all the cool from you. Forever.
Now, if you're one of those goody-goody types who wants to uphold truth and justice and all that other crap, then just get the almost criminally uncool Jedi jersey. It has a woven patch that tells you about Yoda's exciting life, much of which was spent living in a swamp.
The Force is not with you, Young Jedi. Trust me.
And, of course, if you really hate your genitals and hope to never again have the opportunity to use them, Cargo Bay offers Star Wars jerseys for every major sport.
First up, Darth Vadar's "Dark Side" jersey. You know, in case you've ever fantasized about using telekinesis or a laser sword to kill your opponents. And let's face it: Who hasn't? This baby is a flat-out bargain at $1oo...especially when you consider that this Antoine Walker jersey could set you back almost $300. The Vader jersey is your destiny. Search your feelings. You know it to be true.
If you're less "entrenched autocracy" and more of a "mysterious loner with floating morals" kind of guy or gal, you could go for the Boba Fett Assassins team jersey. Bonus: This jersey comes with a woven label patch that describes the character history of Boba Fett. You know, so you have something to do whien you're playing ball by yourself. Which, trust me, you will be. Possibly forever.
Now, if you're one of those goody-goody types who wants to uphold truth and justice and all that other crap, then just get the almost criminally uncool Jedi jersey. It has a woven patch that tells you about Yoda's exciting life, much of which was spent living in a swamp.
And, of course, if you really hate your genitals and hope to never again have the opportunity to use them, Cargo Bay offers Star Wars jerseys for every major sport.
Labels: Boba Fett, Christmas list, Darth Vader, Jedi, Star Wars
28 Comments:
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Worst of the Night: December 11, 2008Worst of the Night: December 10, 2008
The 2008 Christmas List: Darko's torn jersey
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I've found my brother's Christmas present. Thanks Basketbawful!
Trev -- Yeah. I was thinking pretty much the same thing.
Geert -- Evil Ted and I were just discussing how cool the Dark Side jersey is and wondering how long it would take us to get laughed out of our pickup league. The over-under: Five seconds.
AnacondaHL -- Well, in all fairness, Simmons writes twice a week. Believe me, if I got paid big $$ to do nothing but write about sports, you'd be up to your neck in 'Bawful.
Right now I'm only updating Footbawful once or twice a week. FutureMrs is behind too. But I'm gonna splash up some picks today hopefully...
Of course, nothing on the entire Internet even comes close to your man-love pics/top-of-the-post pics/comic balloon pics. Except maybe those 70s Cavs pics.
AnacondaHL -- Those 70s Cavs pic sure were something. Yeah, believe me, I wish I had more time to write. I have literally dozens of post drafts, both here and at Footbawful, that I've never been able to finish. This shit is time-consuming. Trust me, if I ever become one of those "paid to do it" guys, I'll be putting out so much content you'll soon come to hate me.
Fútberrible (fut-bear-EE-blay)?
Seriously, though, your site is teh awesomest. It's like watching a reel of Family Guy clips, but only the "references," not having to watch them try and shoehorn them into a lame plot line. The Jean-Luc Picard facepalm pics slayed me, as well as the recent Don Nelson pic ("Is belt! Hold up pants!")
Also, I'm continually amazed at how much you crank out on this site alone, but being that I'm not a football fan I often forget you've got a whole other site going at the same time. Do you only sleep for 15 minutes a day or something?
And for those who didn't copy and paste, my two favorites are "Sonny" Varajao's stache and Wally's hair gel dandruff.
Links to the other five:
Mo
West
LeBron
Ben
Z
Trev -- Seriously, dude. Man, Luke Skywalker has gotten a bad rap over the years. Man, that dude stood up his "most evil guy in the universe" father and the damn emperor without falling into darkness. Got his hand cut off, found out he'd been macking on his sister, saw the burning corpses of his adopted parents, spent time as a hunted fugitive, etc. Meanwhile his dad totally caved and yet he gets all the props. Respect Luke!!
Clifton -- Many thanks, my friend.
Wild Yams -- Thank you, too. Well, I was getting paid by Deadspin up 'til recently. That was nice. I've gotten offers for on-site ads, and yeah, I'm basically throwing that $$ away, but maintaining the purity and integrity of the site is important to me. Sucker that I am.
I also haven't aggressively pursued anything to this point. Partly because I like writing without any editorial control. Mind you, if some big company approached me and offered to pay me for content, I'd do it. But I'll never give up Basketbawful...even though doing daily Deadspin and 'Bawful damn near killed me earlier this year.
I actually don't sleep as much as I should. But I've also, unfortunately, scaled back writing for Footbawful. Alas. Only so many minutes in the day and all that.
AnacondaHL -- Thanks for the linky assist. For some reason, Ben Wallace's made me laugh the most. The pained expression. You know, the Heat did something similar a couple years back...
forgot to post this one.
http://mvn.com/cavalierattitude/retro%20boobie.jpg
And yes, I have nothing else to contribute to this discussion...
http://nba.fanhouse.com/2008/12/13/derrick-coleman-is-having-money-troubles-selling-everything-he/
(Funny enough, the CAPTCHA is "scout" which is clearly someone that should have been hired before Derrick Coleman was selected with a lottery pick.)
Could unhappy Nash end up with Knicks in 2009?
I am an unhappy camper.
This was discussed on this blog last month. Yahoo! Must be reading the Basketbawful comments section :D
Hey, at least he would have a backup if he went to NYC. 4 years in Phoenix and they have yet to find ONE other person who can pass as a competent backup PG. That's turrible.
Nash to NYC- bad for Phoenix, good for Nash IMHO (and obviously good for NYC)