Here's a true story. A few years ago, I was hanging out at night club with a couple female friends. I was standing off to the side, just sort of people watching, when a guy came up and started hitting on the girls. After 47 unsuccessful attempts at buying them drinks, he resorted to what I can only assume was a desperate, last-ditch attempt at wooing them. "Wanna see a magic trick?" he asked. Without waiting for an answer, he plopped his butt onto the edge of their table and started gyrating. "I call this...'ass on table,'" he said with a pride born of sheer, drunken stupidity.

Crappy magic? Yes (although not quite as bad as those lousy David Blaine commercials). Although it was good enough to make him disappear almost immediately. So that's something, I guess.

My point is this: Some things, even if they make you laugh, are simply painful to watch. In that vein, is anyone outside of Cleveland and New Jersey bothering to follow the Nets/Cavaliers series? The Cavaliers have been the single most unwatchable team of the 2007 playoffs, and things went from "bad" to "claw my eyes out with a spoon" last night. Here are the lowlights:

1. The Cavaliers shot 33 percent (24-for-72) for the game.

2. Lebron James and Larry Hughes combined to shoot 8-for-31.

3. Donyell Marshall was 0-for-7.

4. The Nets scored 6 points in the 4th quarter. Why? Well...

5. They shot 1-for-15 from the field.

6. Oh, and only 4-for-10 from the freethrow line.

7. And Jason Kidd? He missed five straight freethrows in the last 56 seconds.

8. Kidd also had 8 turnovers by the way.

9. Fortunately for the Nets, the Cavs only scored 13 points in the 4th.

10. On 3-for-17 shooting.

I should probably also point out that the Nets shot 45 percent (9-for-20) from the line for the game. What, did they hire Shaq as their new freethrow coach? Oh, man. Just a terrible game all around, even worse than Game 4 of this series, which I wouldn't have thought possible before seeing this one. My prediction for the rest of the series? Whoever totally sucks the least...wins.

"This series...so bad...I think I justthrew up in my mouth a little.

Labels: Cleveland Cavaliers, Donyell Marshall, Jason Kidd, Lebron James Larry Hughes, NBA playoffs, New Jersey Nets