Here's a true story. A few years ago, I was hanging out at night club with a couple female friends. I was standing off to the side, just sort of people watching, when a guy came up and started hitting on the girls. After 47 unsuccessful attempts at buying them drinks, he resorted to what I can only assume was a desperate, last-ditch attempt at wooing them. "Wanna see a magic trick?" he asked. Without waiting for an answer, he plopped his butt onto the edge of their table and started gyrating. "I call this...'ass on table,'" he said with a pride born of sheer, drunken stupidity.

Crappy magic? Yes (although not quite as bad as those lousy David Blaine commercials). Although it was good enough to make him disappear almost immediately. So that's something, I guess.

My point is this: Some things, even if they make you laugh, are simply painful to watch. In that vein, is anyone outside of Cleveland and New Jersey bothering to follow the Nets/Cavaliers series? The Cavaliers have been the single most unwatchable team of the 2007 playoffs, and things went from "bad" to "claw my eyes out with a spoon" last night. Here are the lowlights:

1. The Cavaliers shot 33 percent (24-for-72) for the game.

2. Lebron James and Larry Hughes combined to shoot 8-for-31.

3. Donyell Marshall was 0-for-7.

4. The Nets scored 6 points in the 4th quarter. Why? Well...

5. They shot 1-for-15 from the field.

6. Oh, and only 4-for-10 from the freethrow line.

7. And Jason Kidd? He missed five straight freethrows in the last 56 seconds.

8. Kidd also had 8 turnovers by the way.

9. Fortunately for the Nets, the Cavs only scored 13 points in the 4th.

10. On 3-for-17 shooting.

I should probably also point out that the Nets shot 45 percent (9-for-20) from the line for the game. What, did they hire Shaq as their new freethrow coach? Oh, man. Just a terrible game all around, even worse than Game 4 of this series, which I wouldn't have thought possible before seeing this one. My prediction for the rest of the series? Whoever totally sucks the least...wins.

James vomit
"This bad...I think I just
threw up in my mouth a little.

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Blogger Stephen said...
Lebron James is the worst "most talented player in the league" of any "most talented player" in any league ever. He's a floating, bored behemoth who's played in more unwatchable games (including high school championship games) than decent, exciting, and excellent games combined. I can't stand him or the Cavs.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yes, one bad quarter makes this series horrible. The Nets played amazing for three quarters shooting 59% from the field, then again, you didn't watch the game.

This series is entertaining for the mere fact that you just know David Stern is pulling for Lebron and Lebron's choking.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Kidd's turnovers didn't come all in the 4th, nor did all the bricked freethrows.

I did watch the game, much to my dismay. The Net's might have shot a high percentage through three quarters, but that doesn't mean it was good basketball.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
haha of ourse (ben again :P) well any way that game was possibly the worst game on earth, it was so boring. as my friend said "i would be more entertained by watching 8 year old girls play" hahaha its funny because that game was so booooring and watching 8 year old girls play would most likley be better and entertaning

Anonymous Boomer's babe said...
I have watched only for minutes at a time...
Once I watched most of a quarter.
Only to hear Reggie's dulcet tones once in a while.

By the way, I can't say I hate the Spurs yet. Even after all this nonsense, I genuinely believe Tim Duncan does not deserve to be Laimbeered like that. Your advocation of such violence is clearly misdirected. I reserve such hatred (and condone such action) only for special teams like Detroit or the Knicks of the '90s or the Lakers, periodically. Or players. I had a hard time rooting for the Bulls simply because of Ben Wallace. Latrell Sprewell is lucky he isn't currently in the league, or his unfortunate team would have the vast majority of my wrath.
Enjoy the rest of the conference semis!