Lamar Odom appears to have fallen on hard times

 One of the extras from Dazed and Confused shows Steve Novak the true meaning of "Blurred Lines"

A very drunk Kevin McHale struggles to remember the next play

"Next year we'll get Wiggins and things will be so much better"

Andray Blatche wearing the same number as his made field goals from the night. 

"Maybe we could have won if I could actually see the damn court!"

Little Bigfoot a.k.a. the Artist Formerly Known as Usher teaches Kyrie the ways of the American Indian.

Miami Heat:  I don't know if it's a Championship hangover....or just a hangover period, but the Heat and the Sixers must have switched game plans before tip off because last night we saw one team make a statement while the other grew one step closer to the Wiggins sweep stakes!

Having the vibe of something out of a David Lynch film, the Sixers ran out to a 23-2 lead (not a typo) before showing the Heat a little mercy and letting the quarter end with "only" a 33-14 advantage.  

The arena was buzzing, and you can sense a huge upset was in the air.  I mean you really have to keep in mind that the Sixers are the biggest championship long shots in Vegas history going up against one of the safest title picks in recent memory.

But just when the going got tough for the Heat, the Heat got going.  Pouring it on with 35 points in the 2nd quarter, followed by a blistering 45 point performance in the 3rd (matching what feels like the Grizzlies total scoring output for the season) all momentum swung in the Heat's favor.  Instead of the local Philly fans partying like it's 1999...they merely looked like they hadn't partied since 1999.

And then the local heads at Disney got together and thought "Wouldn't this make for a great story to have one of the biggest regular season upsets in NBA history?" and with the wave of a wand the Sixers got a second wind and held Miami to just 16 points in the fourth while scoring 29 themselves leading to a 114-110 victory.  (Because as you all know, Disney controls everything.)

The thing is, it wasn't even like the Heat played terrible. They shot 50% from the field, managed 25 and 13 (assists) from LeBron, had 6 players hit double figures, yada yada yada....but when you've got Michael Carter-Williams on the other end, you know you're going to have your hands full.

Wait, who?

Yes folks, Michael Carter-Williams, a rookie who had 22 points, 7 rebounds, 12 assists, and 9 steals in his NBA debut.  We're talking a near quadruple double.

So how many of you chose him for your fantasy team? Yeah, me either.

The Heat blew a 94-85 lead heading into the fourth as Wade's knee injuries continue to pile up.

"We're a comfortable team, we always feel like we can win a game," James said.

Except for tonight.

Stunt Doubles for the Actual Los Angeles Lakers:  It felt like only yesterday the Lakers were the talk of the league with a shocking win over the remodeled Clippers team.  Gutsy performances from all kinds of players whose parents probably weren't even aware that they were in the NBA let alone the average fan.

But that other pesky team from California brushed aside a crappy preseason to show who's boss.  Klay Thompson was in Stephen Curry 2K14 mode ripping off 38 points on 15-19 shooting.  I mean if I was playing someone in 2K14 and they had a player shoot 15-19 I would just turn off the game, no questions asked.

The Lakers only managed 39% shooting which wasn't helped by poor shooting from their savvy veterans (Steve Blake 4-13) and savvy fools (Nick Young 2-9....I want Kobe to come back soon so he can long for the days of Smush Parker when he sees Young willing to takes shots at his own basket just get his field goal attempts up). 

Memphis Grizzlies:  New coach, the return of one of the goofiest looking players in the league who loves to give away money and the sweet dish of revenge from a brutal sweep at the hands of the Spurs this past spring.

But what started off  the "grit and grind" mantra for the Grizzlies quickly turned into "we suck and we don't mind" as Memphis managed just 7 points in the 2nd quarter.  Have I mentioned that was the lowest second quarter output in franchise history and 3rd worst quarter output of all time?

On the flipside, Kawhi kept doing Kawhi like things, who should be in for another strong season.

Pop was even happy with Boris Diaw's aggressiveness (and not just at the drive through lane) of all people.

"He went and talked to a guru in India or something," Popovich said. "I don't know what he did, but he catches and shoots now. I got nothing to do with it. I've been begging him since he got here. His previous coaches have begged him. All of a sudden he's a catch-and-shoot guy. It's continued and we're happy about it."

 A guru in India, eh?  Can't wait to see what his White Album sounds like. 

Zach Randolph's kryptonite completely shut him down again (all hail Lord Bonner) as he was held to just 1-6 shooting, probably thinking the WCF was still going on.

"They had a good playoff series against us last season, they swept us and did a good job," Randolph said. "But tonight was one of those nights; just one of those nights."

Something tells me he might be saying that 81 more times this year.

A very forgettable performance for Memphis who looked completely discombobulated out there facing the Spurs B team most of the night. 

As if things weren't bad enough, check out the Grizzlies opening night win-loss record since moving to the Elvis state in 2001:

2001, Detroit 90 @ Memphis 80
2002, Dallas 119 @ Memphis 108
2003, Boston 93 @ Memphis 91
2004, Washington 103 @ Memphis 91
2005, Miami 97 @ Memphis 78
2006, New York 118 @ Memphis 117 (3OT)
2007, San Antonio 104 @ Memphis 101
2008, Memphis 71 @ Houston 82
2009, Detroit 96 @ Memphis 74
2010, Atlanta 119 @ Memphis 104
2011, Memphis 82 @ San Antonio 95
2012, Memphis 92 @ LA Clippers 101
2013, Memphis 94 @ San Antonio 101

Ladies and Gentlemen, 0-13 the longest opening night losing streak in professional sports history.

Can't wait till next year!

Brooklyn Njets: Oh man oh man oh man.  Where to even begin.  It seems like every time we anoint a team as the next Heat stoppers they proceed to crap the bed when no one is looking.

After all the hoopla of combining forces with the Celtics to form a..uh..superteam of their own, the Nets looked slow, old, and outmatched in crunch time.  A lot like the Celtics of last year!

Pierce and Garnett weren't too bad at all, combining for 9-16's just you know, those other guys like Alan Anderson (4-11, inexplicably taking more shots than both Garnett and Pierce) Deron Williams (2-6, I guess he's already handed the keys over to the new guys?) and Joe Johnson (3-10, inexplicably one of the highest paid players of our time) that really make you wonder what the hell is going on with this team.

It wasn't even like they were playing an NBA power house, they were playing the Cadavers for pete's sake! 

Hell, Cleveland felt so bad for beating up on this team of nursing home residents that they trotted out the world's most expensive human victory cigar - Andrew Bynum!

Yes folks, 3 weeks sober from doing any form of Wii bowling, Bynumite made a cameo scoring more points in 8 minutes (3) than Andray Blatche and Shaun Livingston in 36 minutes combined (0!).

"Obviously it hurts but we have to go back and look at the reason why we lost this game," Pierce said. "Throughout the course of the season we have to understand it's always going to be about the little things. To be a championship team, you have to clean those things up."

At this rate the only little things the Nets could be cleaning up are the plastic cups from their arena preparation for next season. 

Blogger DieDomme said...
Really like it, got some swagger. Keep it up!

Anonymous DollP@rts said...
No mention on the Blazers failing to stop former Pacers scrub Miles Plumlee from DESTROYING them in the first half? That Sir, was brutal.

Anonymous waxmonkey said...
I can't express how happy I am to see WOTN back!

Blogger Raza said...
@Doll Parts: I was planning on mentioning the Blazers, but was a little pressed for time.

Crazy that the two teams people picked to finish amongst the worst in the league are 1-0.

Anonymous Pablo said...
Raza thanks dude for keeping this place alive. Are any of the other guy gonna be writing too or are you gonna go at it alone? At any rate keep up the good work bro!

Blogger Unknown said...
I too can't express how happy I am reading WOTN back. Keep it up Raza.

Anonymous Stockton said...
Philly is 100% victorious. I smell title!

My jazz are on good way to get wiggins... it is going to be a long, long season.

Magic almost won 2 games... then remebered what their goal for the season was.

f###... Paul just put 42-15 against the warriors.
(and the guy is playing against me in fantasy this week)

Anonymous Stockton said...
By the way... what kind of schedule is this? I'm not american, so explain me of there is a reason... one day, 2/3 games, next day 10 to 15...

Blogger Raza said...
Wednesdays are usually the biggest game nights on weekdays so you will usually find those to be a lot more busy than Tuesdays which usually have a handful games.

I also wish it was a little more spread out because even with NBA League Pass it's tough to try to catch 3 games you want to see all at once!

Anonymous amas92 said...
Oh snap. Daily updates. Nice to see.

Blogger Wormboy said...
Raza! You dropped a an obscure White Album reference on us! I grovel before your greatness....

Look, the talk of the Nets as contenders has really pissed me off. Add double amputees Garnett and Pierce, plus the corpse of Jason Terry to a dysfunctional team with a chubby head-case point guard and you expect a contender? Really? It's an open question about which aspect of Jason Kidd's life will more greatly influence on his impressionable young guys: his legendary game, legendary nightlife, or legendary domestic situation. If the Nets had any young guys worth a crap this would concern the hell out of me.

OK, early season games mean little. But the Nets haven't proved crap. Until they show some dominance, we have to assume these guys are going to be sideshow freaks.

As an aside, the post-Utah performances of Boozer and Dee Ron lend greater luster the the reputation of one Jerry Sloan. But we did know that already.