Last night at around 5:30 p.m., Antoine Walker was robbed at gunpoint in his Chicago home. The criminals got away with cash, jewelry, and a vehicle of some kind. Walker and two other people were in the house at the time of the robbery, and they're all okay.

Since nobody got hurt, I don't feel too bad about commenting on the irony of the situation, since Walker robbed the Miami Heat of over $7 million last season, and he's going to steal another $40 million from them over the next four years. It's also ironic that the bandits robbed him at gunpoint, since Walker himself is a shooter with little (or no) conscience*.

Strangely enough, this isn't the first time Walker was a victim of armed robbery in his hometown. In July 2000, he and Nazr Mohammed (and three other non-famous people) were robbed at gunpoint outside a restaurant. That time the thieves got away with cash and a $55,000 watch.

*Despite being a career 32 percent three-point shooter, Walker currently ranks sixth all-time in three-point attempts (4,076), trailing only Dale Ellis (4,266), Nick Van Exel (4,278), Tim Hardaway (4,345), Ray Allen (4,839), and Reggie Miller (6,486). Assuming Walker keeps firing away at his current pace -- he tossed up over 300 three-point bombs last season despite hitting only 27 percent of them -- he'll pass Ellis, Van Exel, and Hardaway this season to move into the third spot. Crazy. Reminds me of one of my favorite quotes ever: When asked by a reporter why he attempted so many threes, Walker responded, "Because there are no fours." I never get tired of repeating that.

Nobody can ever steal his championship...although we all kind of wish we could.
Update: How could I report on a member of the Miami Heat getting victimized by crime without a gratuitous mention of Shaq's status as a reserve police officer (with both the L.A. Port and Miami Beach Police Departments) and an honorary U.S. Deputy Marshal? That's what you might call irresponsible journalism. Fortunately, reader padraig saved me with the following comment: "I'm sure Reserve Officer O'Neal is in hot pursuit of the ne'er-do-wells, unless he's too busy with his anti-child obesity campaign. Do you think Shaq was the first person Antoine called after the fact? I like to think so."

You read it here first, evildoers. I suggest you turn yourselves in immediately, or face the threat of capture (and possible body cavity search) by Officer "I could kill your thieving ass with one clubbing blow" Shaq.

You have the right to remain silent......while Shaq grabs your ass.

Labels: Antoine Walker, Miami Heat, robbery, three-point shooting