If by any chance you haven't already seen Paul George break his leg, and you are not really into watching people horribly injure themselves, save yourself some mental scarring and don't watch it.

I definitely regret seeing it.

Basketball supports suddenly fill me with a distinct uneasiness, and I find myself feeling grateful for my own lack of hops.

It's a painful irony that an injury like this required George's otherworldly athleticism. I can only hope that one day he is able to reach those same heights again.

Sorry to the Pacers fans out there. This has been an amazingly shitty offseason so far.



So... two?

Don't worry Heat fans; LBJ probably has two or three of these decisions left in him.

Meet the new Hondo

I don't have anything sardonic to say this morning.

Congratulations to the Spurs and their fans. We have all witnessed some beautiful team basketball.

OK, maybe I have a few sardonic things, but I'm going to get to that in another post. For now, let's just all bask in the glow of Kawhi Leonard becoming the youngest NBA Finals MVP since Tim Duncan, of Gregg Popovich sitting alone with his emotions on the bench while the celebration raged, of an endless barrage of three point swishes, and of Tim Duncan being... fucking Tim Duncan.



Here we go...

You don't even need your friends to carry you

You can do it while you watch TV

As anticipated, Parker struck back hard and decisively Sunday night, tying the series meme war at one game a piece.

Addressing reporters after the game, Parker had this to say:

"I saw all the attention that James generated with his theatrics, and yeah, to be honest, it made me a little jealous. I mean, I like attention too, and it's not like LeBron is the only guy in the league who can make grown men turn away in disgust by writhing in pain. Honestly, I've been doing that since before he even entered the league."

As of press time, Mario Chalmer's attempts to start a meme of his own had gone unrecognized, partly because of the physical difficulty of the memes he has been attempting, but mostly because nobody gives a fuck about Mario Chalmers.

At least the ref is impressed

One thing is for sure, whatever the outcome of tonight's game is, the Spurs and Heat will both be seeking that signature moment that will allow the rival team's fans to mock them pictorially over the next couple of days.



Spo regretting walking away from a managerial position at Chuck E. Cheese's

Juwan Howard does not want to be in this picture

Lebron making it look easy

The new face of Lebroning

King Crab Cramp

Even though the Clippers lost the series last night, it was not before basketball fan Jack Nicholson made clear what team rules tinseltown (and also that the apocalypse is nigh).

So confused

All things considered, Nicholson might have had a better time watching Kobe mixtapes on his yacht.

The Clippers led from their first shot of the game until a KD jumper that came two minutes into the 4th quarter. Including that shot, Durant scored 11 points in the final period, and despite Chris Paul's heroics (he scored 14 points in the 4th), it was clear that the Thunder could taste the Western Conference Finals and were not going to be stopped.

There has to be something completely demoralizing about maintaining a lead by sharing the ball all night, and then having an otherworldly scorer like Durant make a mockery of your team effort by casually tossing the ball through the hoop from anywhere he pleases.

To add injury to insult, Serge Ibaka had been in the locker room since midway through the third quarter. Fantastic, gritty play by Nick Collison and the Big Kiwi made up for his absence, and OKC's big guns handled the offensive load. This inspired play was enough to win the game; however, I can't shake the feeling that, especially considering Serge's potential impairment, the better team did not advance to meet the Spurs, and barring some truly superhuman wing play, we're heading for a rematch of the 2013 NBA Finals.


There goes variety

I enjoy watching both of these teams, so it doesn't really bother me that one great team advances while another goes home. What bothers me is the "CP3 can't get past the second round, so he's not the best point guard in the NBA" talk.

That's just nonsense.

I've never made a secret about being a CP3 fan, so admittedly I'm biased, but when virtually every advanced stat in existence agrees year after year that a guy is the best at his position, he's probably the best at his position (unless you're talking about David Robinson and Hakeem; that one I still can't buy).

Like I said, CP3 outscored the white-hot MVP in the 4th last night; this man is a bonafide superstar. The league has a lot of great point guards, and two of the very best are about to face off in the WCF, but CP3 has earned his place in history. Jeff Van Gundy said it best: CP3 not getting past the 2nd round is not a knock on him as a player; it's a demonstration of just how tough it is out west.

I didn't write anything about Game 5 and the controversial calls that led to Doc Rivers being this angry:


This was largely because I slept through the game (no regrets).

I also didn't mention anything about Donald Sterling being unfathomably pigheaded on CNN, because honestly that's not even news. Donald Sterling is an asshole. He has been for at least seven decades. He probably refused black and brown pacifiers as a baby.

I do enjoy how clearly sick everyone is of him. Last night, JVG summed it up, as he is so apt to do, when he said that he couldn't wait for a time when nobody said the slumlord in question's name. Mike Breen offered a gruff "agreed", which spoke volumes on the collective psyche of sports fans.

So, for long suffering Clipper fans, there were a few silver linings: next time the Clippers contend, their owner might not be a douchebag (or at least not so undeniably), and the team is exciting enough for Jack Nicholson to give a shit (while shitting on the Lakers and their fans with his very presence).

If that's not a moral victory for this franchise, then I don't believe in them.


Roy Hibbert came back from the dead to score 28 points last night, which would have surpassed his scoring total for the entire playoffs so far if not for his 13 points in Game 7 versus the Hawks. He also pulled down 9 boards, his single game record for these 2014 playoffs.

Of course, the good people over at Yahoo couldn't miss the opportunity for some truly horrendous wordplay.


An addiction to terrible wordplay is a societal problem with increasing ubiquity in all facets of life, but nowhere is it more ham-handed and cringeworthy than in Yahoo's sports coverage.

I don't know if I'm still using Yahoo in 2014 out of a twinge of nostalgia or because I'm some sort of masochist; whatever the reason, I often use the site to check box-scores and tip-off times.

I suppose the title is meant to capture how Hibbert's performance retained Indiana's playoff hopes; I prefer to assume that it's because the human body is over 70% water, and Roy managed not to piss the bed for once.

Still, it could have been worse; Yahoo had this headline ready if Roy underperformed:



Of course, this doesn't actually get to the bottom of why Hibbert had been playing so terribly to begin with. As always, a plethora of unsubstantiated rumors have been floating around. I've read, among other things, that Bynum kicked Roy's butt in practice a few times, demoralizing him; and that Paul George slept with his woman.

One of those seems a lot likelier than the other, so perhaps it's not a coincidence that the Pacers shut down Bynum for the season shortly before the game. It's all speculation, but this could have given Roy a confidence boost to shut up the haters.

Either that, or he finally got his fiancee to say George's dick isn't bigger than his.

Cheers, Roy. I know the internet can expect Agent Zero's gracious hat eating any second.


The NBA was looking like it was going to have a real feel good day. The bad guy had been banished, for the first time in decades people approved of an NBA commissioner, and a playoff series for the ages appeared destined for double-overtime.

Then Joey Crawford did this.



We all know that Joey is a self-aggrandizing drama queen, but messing with a guy while he's trying to tie a playoff game in overtime may just have set a new standard for ref dickishness.

Two quotes really capture the moment: the announcer saying, "Durant now, poised at the line, (shrill whistle) with a chance to tie" and Crawford angrily yelling "listen to me".

I can't help but notice Durant's signature shoulder shimmy was missing on his 2nd attempt. 

I'm not saying Joey caused Durant to miss, but it's undeniable that he disrupted the game and caused players, coaches, announcers, and the audience to wonder what the hell he was doing.

This all makes me wonder whether all this attention Sterling got made Joey a little jealous. One way or another, Joey made a bold statement: you can banish one of us pricks, but you can't banish us all. He's right too. The league still has lots of problems. It's easy to point at the bad guy and then feel good afterwards, but the NBA isn't going to be reformed so easily. Yesterday, the world saw the NBA take a big step towards becoming a better league, but it's clear that there is a long, hard climb ahead.

Now if only someone can find a floozy to record some of Joey's private conversations...