Well, I think this one picture pretty much sums up that Bulls gameSo, it sounds like the general consesus is that I shouldn't exactly be kicking myself for not seeing last night's Bulls game. I was bowling in league, and the one TV near my lanes was showing the Butler/Syracuse game. (Special bawful mention for the airballed free-throw attempt very late in the game by some random Butler player that was so short it barely brushed the bottom of the net. Way to show up in the clutch, champ.)
It does, however, sound like I missed an eventful broadcasting experiment where Ernie, Kenny, and Chuck ventured out onto the floor to do the play-by-play. In honor of this occasion, get ready for a heavy dose of the TNT crew in the WOTN in Pictures.
Worst of the Night in Pictures: CAPTION THIS!
What is Charles Barkley texting/tweeting? Chuck is big pimpin' again, I see. (However, what are Ernie and Kenny looking at?) Chuck is... I have no idea. Why the hell is he wearing a sombrero? I haven't seen a grimace like this since the last time I went to McDonald's Appropriately enough, Rick Adelman pulled a Dunleavy while coaching against the Clippers Craig Sager is consistently entertaining, even if for all the wrong reasonsNationally Televised Friday Games:Heat at Bucks: Fear the deer! (I enjoy saying that way too much.)
All The Other Friday Games:Jazz at Pacers: Danny Granger claims he doesn't believe in tanking for a better draft pick because it goes against "every principle of sportsmanship." While true, that also doesn't explain how the hell they're on a winning streak. This team is garbage! They shouldn't even be winning games by accident!
Timberwolves at Magic: The Timberpoops are on a 14 game losing streak, and only two losses away from tying the franchise record set back in '91-'92. Also of note, Minnesota has allowed an average of 114.4 points over its last 13 games. Is it possible these two stats are somehow related?
Hawks at 76ers: The Hawks haven't swept a series against the Sixers since '96-'97. For perspective, I'm pretty sure I was still rocking the oversized braided belt look back then. Those were sad times.
Nuggets at Raptors: Fact that should surprise nobody: the Nuggets had their season-high field goal percentage game against the Craptors earlier this season (61.5% on Nov. 17).
Wizards Generals Bullets at Bobcats: What a day. Gilbert Arenas avoids jail but still gets to spend 30 days in a halfway house, and if the Bullets lose this game, they'll set a franchise futility record with 14 consecutive losses.
Kings at Celtics: I... don't have much to say about this game, so instead I'll just pass along this
picture of a dude disrespecting a Dennis Johnson jersey by apparently using it to smuggle a spare tire into Fenway.
Pistons at : Oh no. The Pistons are on their worst road game losing streak in a decade, and now they have to face a team trying to avoid being the
worst NBA team ever? I'm scared. Hold me.
Lakers at Thunder: Outscoring Durant in all three previous meetings this season, Kobe always gets up for games against Kevin Durant. (Wait a second, that sounded wrong...)
Crabs at Spurs: Old age, injuries, etc. have officially ended the Spurs' glory years. I have to keep reminding myself of that because I foolishly get excited for a split second when I see a game like this on the calendar.
Knicks at Suns: Mike D'Antoni will wake up after a bad dream that he is no longer in Phoenix and is the coach for the Bricks... wait, what? NOOOOOOO!
* * *
Nationally Televised Saturday Games:Frail Blazers at Hornets: I don't think this season can end soon enough for the Hornets.
All The Other Saturday Games:Jazz at Wizards Generals Bullets: The Jazz get to play this one night after a road game against the Pacers, but then get to play the Bricks Monday and the Warriors Wednesday. That's pretty much the equivalent of NBA spring break, right?
at Bulls: Who the hell decided to give the Nyets so many reasonable games late in the season? Come on Chicago. Hopefully this game is just a Saturday in the park for them. (Sorry, couldn't help myself.)
Lakers at Rockets: And tossing a little more dirt on the shallow grave that holds the Rockets' season...
Mavericks at Warriors: I'm sure the visiting Mavs really appreciate the chance to play against Don Nelson.
* * *
Nationally Televised Sunday Games:Spurs at Celtics: Remember what I said about the Crabs/Spurs game on Friday? Just go back and re-read that. I don't feel like hitting copy/paste.
All The Other Sunday Games:Kings at Crabs: Oh my. If Tyreke the Freak is still all concussiony when this game is played, it could be one of the longest stretches of garbage time we'll see all season for the Crabs.
Grizzlies at Bucks: The Grizzlies get to take on the Bucks after a nice three-day rest. Is that enough to derail the John Salmons Express?
Pacers at Hawks: The surging Pacers... sorry, couldn't say it with a straight face.
Bulls at Pistons: Can we get Ernie, Kenny, and Chuck to call this game too?
Raptors at Heat: It would be a total waste of my time trying to predict this game. (You know, aside from the Craptors not playing any defense) We'll just have to go with the flow and see what happens.
Nuggets at Magic: A battle of second-tier teams from both conferences. Could be fun. We can only be sure of one thing -- Stan Van Gundy will wear something really gaudy that probably involves a tacky tie-less black shirt buttoned up too high with a jacket.
Suns at Timberwolves: Isn't this the kind of game that the Suns will somehow stupidly manage to screw up and make far too close for comfort? I think so.
Frail Blazers at Thunder: It's certainly possible that some playoff-style intensity could show up in this game. I like it.
Warriors at Clippers: I think it's time to break out some alliteration to describe this game. I'm thinking "The Craptacular California Clusterfuck." Sound about right?
Labels: Bawful After Dark
To Twitter: This inflatable bull runnin' around is turrible. What kinda knuckleheads are runnin' this show? I'm hungry. #GoWhateverTeamMakesMeLookSkinny
"i weqasnhrt sa dfsopujyrt"
(Tried to tell someone, "I want a donut", but fingers too fat)
because that thing looks tiny in his hands. Get it?
http://mavsblog.dallasnews.com/archives/2010/03/former-mavericks-center-shawn-bradley-ru.html
The Nets are so fail they even failed to get the worst record in NBA history despite having every single advantage possible.
ugh.
Detroit (yes, I would even include Oakland County in this) and Sacramento are suffering from terrible economies, so maybe that explains why both teams could not afford to use a lineup that was strong enough to defeat the Nyets.
Or maybe it's just spending too much on morons like Nocioni and Villanueva. Yeah.
Barry said...
I was just thinking; how about a Space Jam remake....with lacktators?
Instead of Patty Ewing, Sir Charles, Shawn Bradley and Muggsy Bogues we'll cast players like Darnell Jackson, Mario West, Jake Voskuhl and Kosta Koufos.
Greg Ostertag is the obvious new Jordan, but instead of dunking for the win he'll star in some Monstar man-love and posterization, look goofy and ride the pine after 5 fouls.
We could ask Wayne Knight back, he's got nothing going for him right now, yes? Hollywood should run with this shit, it will be the defining b-ball movie of its generation!
3/26/2010 6:31 AM
chris said...
Barry: I think we need some b-level Looney Tunes instead of the actual stars. Thus, cue up GABBY THE GOAT!
3/26/2010 9:26 AM
I brought it up with one of my best friends (who is huge into older animation, like I am) and he brought up a few appropriate C-level characters from the Warner Brothers oeuvre:
You'll need more than one to make the team. Don't forget about Bosko (and his RC Honey), Buddy (and his RC Cookie), Slowpoke Rodriguez, Henery Hawk, Hippety Hopper, Merlin the Magic Mouse (and his assistant Second Banana), and more.
I brought up the ever-useless Beaky Buzzard. Ah, good times!
Fuck you Pistons.
Fuck you Joe Dumars.
Also, just checked out the NBA.com game recap from the Knicks vs Suns game: I couldn't stop myself from laughing, when they mentioned at the beginning how 'Antoni is trying to find a way to stop Amar'e. Are they serious??? They finished it off with a nice bawful shot of 'Antoni contemplating suicide on the bench.
"We're smiling. It's good to get two wins in a row, but we're not satisfied. We want to continue to be better and finish the season on a high note."
Seriously??? A high note??? Oh, how I hope he jinxes his team again!
Said Brook Lopez: "Like I've been telling these guys, it's finally paying off. Hopefully, we'll continue streaking."
Yeah, good luck with that. Speaking of streaking teams, the Pacers are still uh... "surging".
Sadly, I believe the Nyets will end up with 11 or 12 wins.
http://www.realgm.com/src_wiretap_archives/65601/20100327/monta_puts_himself_next_to_kobe_lebron/
- Every Sun played, every Sun scored, every Sun except Dragic got at least 1 rebound (starters all got between 5 and 9).
- Channing Freaking Frye tied his season high for rebounds (11).
- The Suns (THE SUNS) out-rebounded New York 56-38 and shot 55% from the field (NYK: 38%).
- Earl Clark (who'd been shooting 36% from the field) made 3-of-4, with 3 rebounds and an assist in six minutes, being a barely above D-League player thus far this season.
- The Suns' defense held the not-shabby 101.6-points-per-game Kicks to under 100 points.
- The Suns scored at least 30 points every quarter.
- The score would've been higher if the Suns hadn't basically stopped playing with 2 minutes left, even going to the point of giving themselves a shot-clock violation when they got the ball with 25 seconds left in the game.
- Did I mention the Suns won by 36?
There was a really poetic justice to how well the bench played in this game, since Mike "Seven Players or Less" 'Antoni refuses to play a bench, and especially rookies (just ask Jordan Hill), and many fans consider this a big reason the Suns didn't go all the way.
- Nobody played more than 27 minutes, and nobody played less than 6. Most played about 20.
- The Suns' starters started coming out of the game with 6:33 left in the third, and were all out at 1:43. None returned.
- The very end of the bench (Collins and Clark) played half of the fourth.
- Mike had 3 starters (Gallinari, Lee, and Douglas) STILL IN THE GAME at the end of the 4th. They all came back in the game at about 6:20 left in the fourth, down by twenty-nine. "OK guys, go win it!"
"Can someone bring me a cheezburgur? i think im stuck in my chair and i havent eaten in over 4 seconds."
http://a.espncdn.com/photo/2010/0327/ncb_g_butler14_576.jpg
WAIT. The Warriors DEFENSIVE STRATEGY was to leave the hottest guy in the game OPEN?
*Facepalm*
You know you suck when the Mavs feel that lacktator supreme Rodrigue Beaubois can get hot against you.
First of all, its extremely cocky and dickheaded to say something like that. I can't even be a fan of his anymore, he's turning into the NBA's version of Terrell Owens.
And secondly, am I the only person who thinks what he said isn't true? If Kobe, Wade, Durant, or Melo turned into full force SWAC's (Kobe even more so than now) they all could lead the league in scoring.
Especially Carmelo. Nobody scores as easily as effortlessly as he does. If Denver ran a Melo-centric offense like Cleveland does for Lebron, Melo could average 40 points along with at least 7 assists. But Melo has to defer occasionally to Mr Big Shot and the SWAC J.R. Smith. That is all.
We could bring in some lacktators of yesteryear, there's cheesy rap music in abundance these days. We could have had its first screening before one of the Nets'home games!
To be fair, the reason Beaubois appeared on the lacktatorlist so often goes by the name of Rick C.
Could be ROY with playing time. Speed kills in this league.
Re: the Warriors. Who needs defense when you have Monta Ellis, "the number two player in the league" (according to himself). Can't wait for Larry Ellison to take over, hopefully he cleans house.
Massachusetts: 6 (Pats x3, Celts x1, Sox x2)
California: 6 (Lakers x4, Ducks x1, Angels x1)
Florida: 4 (Heat x1, Lightening x1, Bucs x1, Marlins x1)
Pennsylvania: 4 (Steelers x2, Penguins x1, Phillies x1)
Then it is a tie between Michigan (3; Pistons x1, Red Wings x2)
And Texas (3; All Spurs)
Not bad for a State with a bad economy and only 1 major sports city. Also, the college teams have all had plenty of success, in basketball, MSU winning a title and reaching the final four several times and in football UofM being very solid during the Carr era.
But yeah, the Pistons totally suck right now. I think Gordan and CV combined for 3 points against Chicago. Time to plot against Joe Dumars. . .
In related news, where the hell did Manu Ginobili find the Fountain of Youth? He sure didn't look ANYTHING like this before the All-Star break.
"Roddy Beaubois joined Brandon Jennings as the only rookies with at least 40 points in a game this season.... Beaubois set career highs in points (40), made field goals (15), made 3-pointers (9), rebounds (8) and blocks (3). Both Beaubois and Jennings, ironically, had their career nights against Golden State. Jennings scored 55 against the Warriors in November."
i don't think the word you're looking for isn't "ironically"...