Basketbawful

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

After a hard-fought victory in Game 1, the Pacers got owned by the Nets in Game 2. The fact that former-reserve-turned-starter-due-to-injury Anthony Johnson was the team's leading scorer probably tells you everything you need to know. But of all the Pacers, Jermaine O'Neal was subjected to the most ownage. I wouldn't be surprised if the Pacers were selling him on eBay, because everybody had a chance to own him last night. He shot poorly (3-for-12), blew a dunk, fell on his ass, jumped around like an idiot...and then blamed it all on the officiating. That's like stinking up your friend's bathroom and then blaming the burrito you had for lunch. Sure, it might have been responsible for the rancid stink bomb you unleashed on the world, but no one's going to believe you. Remember, kids: if you're going to suck, try to suck with dignity.

How rough of a night did Jermain have? You be the judge. First, he got schooled by Nenad Krstic, who somehow is shooting over 60 percent for the series. Not good.

You know, it helps if you actuallychallenge the shot, Jermaine.
After a few fouls didn't go his way, Jermaine tried to complain to Voilet Palmer, the NBA's token female referee. It didn't help. Her response was, basically, "knock off the jibba jabba, fool!"

"Uh, I hate to say it, but you're gettin' owned.Now stop your bitchin' and play the game"
Since Jermaine pretty much had his way around the basket during the fourth quarter of Game 1, the Nets were determined to shut down his inside game. It's almost cute how frustrated Jermaine gets when he draws aggressive defense. His face gets all scrunched up and he tries to force his way to the basket. But, unfortunately, he's not that O'Neal. The result? The most embarrassing moment for a professional basketball player: the blown dunk.

GOOOOOOOONG!!
If the fouls aren't going a player's way, the player often tries to draw some cheapies as a mercy token from the refs. But the officials weren't having it last night, even when Jermaine ~~flopped~~ got knocked over by Richard Jefferson, who was on his way to the basket for an easy layup. Good job, Jermaine!

"Hey Richard, give me a sec'. I'm, uh, cleaning a wet spot off the court.
The most ignominious moment of the night was when Jermaine totally whiffed on a blocked shot. I mean, he missed it so badly, it looked like one of those strange plays in NBA Live where your player just goes floating off the court. As bad as the picture looks, it looked worse when it happened.

Uh, the ball's the other way, Jermaine.

7 Comments:

Anonymous said...

You forgot the "e" in "Jermaine", holmes.

4/26/2006 8:38 PM

Basketbawful said...

Thanks so much, Captain Spelling Bee. By the way, Captain Grammar called, and he asked me to tell you that the comma should have been placed inside the last set of quotation marks. Oh, and Captain Capitalization said you needed a Capital "H" for holmes.

4/27/2006 6:24 AM

Anonymous said...

Damn Grammar Nazi's

(not to be confused with a Graham Nazi's who travel around to Boy Scout Camps and make sure that butterball kid in the troop that nobody likes isn't stealing all the Hershey Bars that are earmarked for making S'mores)

4/27/2006 10:06 AM

jenny said...

HOW BOUT THEM MAVS?! Woot Woot.

4/27/2006 10:52 AM

jenny said...

How bout them mavs?!?!

4/27/2006 10:53 AM

Basketbawful said...

Hey bigbadcarter, that butterball kid will eventually do something dramatic to inspire his troop to defeat their evil counterparts at the OTHER boyscout camp, probably by winning the Hotdog Eating Contest or getting run up the flag pole in his underwear.

And yeah, jenny, those Mavs are rockin'. And let's face it, the Spurs are vulnerable. I'm feeling pretty good about the Mavs chances on making the Finals.

4/27/2006 11:36 AM

Statbuster said...

While you're busy searching blogs for frivolous typos, could you send an email to the Nets and ask them to add a vowel to "Krstic"? It just looks wrong. Thanks!

And, yes, Jermain'z annual post-season disappearing act is well underway.

4/27/2006 12:43 PM