Formal Apology

I, Evil Ted, would like to issue a formal apology. I appear to have offended a number of people in my recent post regarding Don Imus's comments. I realize that although I meant to convey no actual opinion in the matter, my assertion that "This is what free speech has come to - fear," is, in fact, an opinion. And I would like to sincerely apologize for it.

In no way did I mean to imply that Don Imus's statements were right. They are disgusting, awful - in fact, so awful as to be basketbawful - statements. This is not to imply that Basketbawful himself ever said or repeated these statements. He did not, but if I implied that, I wish to apologize.

I wish to apologize to the Rutgers womens' basketball team if they felt that I in any way implied that I think what Don Imus said was ok. I do not. I am currently working to secure a private meeting with the Rutgers team to express my deep sorrow over the matter. They are not remotely obliged to accept my apology, but I shall offer it nonetheless.

I wish to apologize to Basketbawful Systems Inc., Basketbawful Industries LLC, Basketbawful Magazine, Basketbawful TV, Basketbawful TV2, and Basketbawful Air (makers of the official Basketbawful ball inflator). My comments in no way reflect the thoughts or opinions of these organizations.

I also wish to apologize to you, visitors to Basketbawful. My comment was insensitive to the larger issues at play, and I apologize for my blatant display of ignorance.

I also wish to also apologize to people who have never even visited Basketbawful, but who have still been offended at any time by anything - like the way people talk on cell phones when they drive, or don't pick up after their dogs, or eat competitively just for the free food and not for the love of sport, or annually assert that a large bunny and chocolate eggs have something to do with the ascension of Christ.

Finally, I wish to apologize to myself. Clearly, my attempt at satire was weak, hurried and ill-conceived, and I have offended even myself.

I shall be appearing on Al Sharpton's radio show this coming week to further echo these sentiments, and be verbally lashed for two hours.

Evil Ted