Well, basketball will be back in force this weekend, so you know what that means: time to make fun of Kobe Bryant's deteriorating personal life. The NBA lockout is over, and the Kobe Lockout has begun...with furniture all over the front lawn, no less.

First the Lakers lose the CP3 sweepstakes (albeit in completely illogical fashion - "We owners chose to keep CP3 out of a big market like Los Angeles so we could endorse competitive equality and ship him to a small market like...Los Angeles." Brilliant.), and now this?

I guess even Vanessa has decided to jump off the Laker-tanic, thus proving the universal truth that a man should never buy a woman a 4-zillion dollar ring to apologize for infidelity and alleged sexual assault because, well, after the gooey surge of miss-manners-guilt a woman inevitably feels when said man presents her with a 4-zillion-dollar ring wears off, she's bound to leave him anyway, and he's out 4 zillion bucks.

To be honest, I wouldn't harp on Kobe's off-the-court problems much, if at all, if not for this dazzling video. KB24, peace out.

Also, thanks to mikeyb for his what-a-team's-Web-site-tells-you-about-the-team submission, the highlight of which was this magnificent fan poll. Well done, my friend:


While we're at it, if you missed my A Christmas Story Board Game video, you're missing out on what may be the greatest / worst Holiday-Movie-related-board-game of all time. Here it is again as a little pre-NBA season Christmas entertainment present before the NBA season kicks off this Sunday. Let basketbawfulness begin! ET3, peace out.

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Blogger Dan B. said...
I love the hell out of this Kobe video.

However, trying to understand the rules of the Christmas Story boardgame may have damaged parts of my brain that will never heal. I am unleashing a stream of obscenities like Ralphie's dad trying to fix the furnace.

Blogger LotharBot said...
I feel like I'm living in a bizarro world here. Like I'm the only person who thought the trade-veto was perfectly logical.

Why exactly would the Hornets want a package of players that keep them in first-round exit land, complete with weak draft picks and no cap space? Compare the blocked trade to the completed superstar trades in the last year:

Nuggets - reduced salary and tax obligations by millions, acquired multiple players on rookie deals, acquired some draft picks and cash

Jazz - reduced salary by a few million, acquired a rookie and a young guy with an OKish contract, acquired multiple draft picks and cash

Hornets to Clippers - increased salary slightly toward salary floor, acquired a prospect and a good player on rookie deals, acquired a great draft pick

Hornets to Lakers (veto'd trade) - increased salary to near or over tax line, acquired one youngish player and several 30ish players with long term deals, acquired a probably terrible draft pick

Why is it so hard to believe this was done for "basketball reasons"?

Anonymous Czernobog said...
Oh, ffs.

The league is trying to unload the Hornets.

Look at the payrolls they would've been taking on in the Lakers deal, then look at the payrolls they eventually did take on in the Clippers deal.

What's there to understand?

Anonymous Silvio said...
Stern is evil. Through decades he made so many bad decisions (basketball-wise bad, some of it might be business-wise OK) ... people and media didn't care.
Then he vetoes trade, in fact makes a rare good decision. But not a good one for Lakers, beloved media team ... suddenly Stern's villain.
Stern attacked? Nice. For all wrong reasons? Pathetic.

Anyway, old news. Who cares about obnoxious Stern or about disgusting Lakers? Let them burn in hell together. Or separately. Both is fine with me.

Anonymous larue martin said...
@lotharbot Don't expect evilted to give you quality breakdowns. He's more of humor guy. I mean look how hilarious those two videos are that he filmed and created all by himself.
That's where he shines, and what he brings to the table.

Blogger Evil Ted said...
LaRue - Glad you enjoyeed the vids, and thanks for pointing out my shortcomings ;) P.S.> I did the Christmas Story vid, but not the Kobe.

Lotharbot -
I do "get" the better value in what the Hornets got from the Clippers, and in the attractiveness of what the deal brings to the Hornets for a potential buyer. However, I much enjoy the "competitive equality" angle as it pertains to big vs. small markets. In the end, Chris Paul went to L.A., which is amusing no matter how you cut it.

I think a lot of people understand that the Hornets made out better by trading to the Clips, but intellectually, it is human nature to be suspcious of the moves made by a team that is essentially owned by the rest of the teams. Combine with that the fact that the "snub" occurred with the Lakers, and it's just a PR nightmare. The rest of the owners simply come off as appearing jealous of an enormously successful team. You think there would have been any outrage / suspicion if a trade to the Portland Trailblazers or the Sacramento Kings or even the Nuggets / Jazz got vetoed? Regardless of how much they would / could offer? No way.

The NBA needs to sell the Hornets ASAP and get rid of the putrid stench that will fester around any and all moves that team makes.

Was that a "quality breakdown"? Probably not. Oh well, I tried.

Blogger LotharBot said...
> *"The rest of the owners simply come off as appearing jealous of an enormously successful team."*

When I first heard that CP3 was traded, oh wait vetoed, I had the same thought -- the league is just trying to screw the Lakers because other owners are jealous.

And then I heard the facts of the trade -- how it was going to tie up the Hornets' salary in a bunch of players on the downside of their careers and not give them any good assets to use to rebuild. It became clear that the trade was ass.

The only reason it's "controversial" is because people keep clinging to the naive knee-jerk reaction, while ignoring the actual facts of how terrible the trade was. Like Silvio said, criticizing Stern = good, but criticizing him for all the wrong reasons = pathetic. We of basketbawful can surely find good reason to criticize him, instead of falling on bogus criticism like "OMG he vetoed the trade to screw the Lakers".

Blogger Evil Ted said...
I didn't say that the correct trade wasn't made. I said how the veto on the surface appeared to people because it was the Lakers.

I was agreeing with you.


Anonymous Batmanu said...
Kobe's wife could have left him years ago. She chose to wait until they had ten years until their belt so she could take HALF. She's an American woman now.

Blogger stephanie g said...
Batmanu: Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Blogger LotharBot said...
ET, I'm right there with you. I'm just sayin, let's make it a point to make fun of people who take the surface opinion in spite of the facts, because that opinion is stupid and the proper response to stupid is ridicule. We shouldn't even pretend those people have a point; we should just mock them outright.

I'd love to see an entire post just making fun of sports commentators (SAS and such) for their opinion on the CP3-to-Lakers veto. Quite frankly, defending that as a "great trade for the Hornets" might be one of the bawfulest things we see this season.

Blogger mikeyb said...
Thanks to Evil Ted for the shout out. It's unfortunate how depressingly accurate his "secondary message" from your favorite NBA team actually is. For the record, I voted "other teams" on the fan poll. I would have been polite and voted for "draft picks", but Dumars trades all our good young talent after a year or two so he can keep the rif-raff around and hire more aging veterans. Case in point: Rodney Stuckey and Aaron Afflalo, both drafted by the Pistons the same year. Stuckey was taken 15th overall, and Afflalo was drafted 27. Two years later Afflalo was traded to Denver to clear some cap space and resign Rip Hamilton. Fast forward to 2011. Rip? Contract bought out for pennies on the dollar. Stuckey? $25 million contract extension. Afflalo: $43 million contract extension. In other news, I'm actually pumped up to see a Clippers game! I think maybe John Cusack was right, 2012 is the end!

Anonymous Quickie Divorce said...
Divorce drives a lot of people crazy. Who knows what will happen to his performance on the court.

Anonymous Anonymous said...