return of wotn
Yep. Worst of the Night is definitely back.

The Miami Heat: Let me start off by saying it's way, way too early to start making any kind of definitive statements about, well, pretty much anything. I mean, Mike Miller is out and Dwyane Wade played, what, three minutes during the preseason?

Still, nobody expected this pile of oozing open sores and flaming poo. The Super Friends of South Beach (a.k.a. The Nazgul) opened this exciting new era of team stacking by scoring -- waaaaiiiit for it -- nine points in the first quarter.

Seriously? Seriously.

It seems impossible, but it's true. Despite Pat Riley colluding, er, I mean, convincing three of the league's best players to form that weird three-robot Voltron in Miami, the Heat shambled zombie-like out of the gate, shooting 11-for-41 (26.8 percent) in the first half and falling behind 41-22 with just over two minutes left in the second quarter before "closing" to within 45-30 at halftime.

Of course, last season's Celtics tended to take a little nappy nap after building huge leads, and it happened again last night. The Heat pulled to within three points late, but Boston closed them out, giving NBA fans outside of Miami a giant, throbbing erection. For the game, the Heat shot 36 percent from the field, gave up 17 points off 17 turnovers, and got outscored 38-24 in the paint.

boston fans
This is the kind of shit that killed Red Auerbach. Just sayin'.

Advanced stat of the game: Miami's Offensive Rating was 90.4, which means they scored at a rate of about 90 points per 100 possessions. With three of the best players in the world. Again, I am just sayin'.

The Nazgul: Let's see. LeBron was the best of the three Ringwraiths, scoring a game-best 31 points (10-for-21 from the field, 8-for-12 from the line). However, it was like some kind of bizarre Cleveland flashback, with King Crab totally dominating the rock. (Yes, forensic investigation revealed only one set of prints on the ball.) Only instead of a triple-double, 'Bron finished with more turnovers (8) than assists and rebounds combined (7).

As for Wade -- remember everybody, this is still his team -- he went 4-for-16 from the field and finished with 13 points, matching assists (6) and rebounds (4) with turnovers (6) and fouls (4).

Last and most certainly least, the RuPaul of Big Men struggled his way to 8 points (3-for-11) and 8 boards. Oh, and according to the AP Game Notes, "Bosh is 2-12 in Boston, the most losses he's had as a visitor against any team." There are no coincidences.

Kevin Garnett: Rough final stretch for KG. While the Heat were coming back in the final minutes, Garnett was fading slowly and sadly away. He bricked a four-footer with 3:41 left. He fouled Udonis Haslem with 3:30 left (Haslem hit both freebies). He lost the rock to D-Wade with 3:11 left. He missed a 16-footer with 2:33 left. He clanged two crucial foul shots with 1:37 left. Then he committed an offensive foul (moving pick) with 1:15 left.

If the Heat had pulled this game out, they would probably would have sent KG a thank you card and a nice fruit basket.

LeBron James, excuse-making machine: "It's a feel-out process. When you have so many options, it's something I'm not accustomed to, having that many threats out on the court at the same time."

Fun fact: According to ESPN Stats and Information: "LeBron James had 31 points and 8 rebounds. Last season, James was 1 of 4 players who had at least 30 points and at least 8 turnovers in a game. The others were Kevin Durant, Monta Eliis and Kobe Bryant. Tuesday was the 7th time in his career in which he's scored at least 30 points but had at least 8 turnovers. That's tied with Allen Iverson for the most such games since LeBron's rookie season."

Huh. Kinda looks like a target doesn't it?

Dwyane Wade, rationalization machine: "This is one of 82. Sorry if everyone thought we were going to go 82-0. It just ain't happening."

Nope. It ain't.

Update! LeBron's new commercial: From Basketbawful reader Austen: "I'd throw in a Worst of the Night for Lebron's new Nike shoe commercial, where he spends what felt like at least 5 minutes whining and moaning about the public reaction to 'The Decision.' Seriously, get over yourself, and shame on you, Nike, for encouraging him."

In case by some oddity you've missed it, here's the commercial:

It's actually a pretty slick commercial, what with the clever dig at Charles Barkley via Chuck's famous "I Am Not A Role Model" commercial (also by Nike) and a great cameo by Don Johnson as Sonny Crocket. But as Austen pointed out, it's basically LeBron and Nike begging you to a) love LeBron for doing what's right for him and b) buy his new shoes.

Memo to LeBron: You had every right to do right by yourself. You chose living in Miami, playing with your friends and what seemed like the best and easiest path to a championship over busting your ass in Cleveland year after year. This is America. There are brave men and women who will fight to the death to protect your constitutional right to be as big an asshat as you want to be.

But we, as fans, also have the right to mock and ridicule you for it. Right? What should we do, LeBron? WHAT SHOULD WE DO?

Man love: This heat has nothing to do with the Miami Heat...

celts man love
Ssssssss...feel the sizzle!

The Phoenix Suns: Last night, the Seven Seconds or Less Era gave way to the Small Forwards of Doom Era. Notice how one of those sounds wicked-cool and the other sounds like a tragic mistake in basketball logic?

Well, yeah.

Actually, the Suns were playing pretty well and led 81-75 after three quarters. Then they got outscored 31-11 in the fourth.

Said Steve Nash: "We ran out of gas a little offensively."

Yeah, you could say that. You could also say the Suns were careless and sloppy with the ball, giving up 21 points off 19 turnovers. Without Amar''''''e, they still managed to score 44 points in the paint, but there was no run and very little gun, as Phoenix managed a mere 6 fast break points.

Advanced stat of the game: The Blazers didn't shoot all that well (46 percent as a team), but they cleaned up on the offensive glass, grabbing 18 offensive boards for a mind-boggling Offensive Rebound Rate of 43.9 (compared to 18.9 for the Suns). No defensive's like Amar''''''e never left!

Steve Nash: Nash giveth...and Nash also giveth away. Captain Canada kept the Suns kinda-sorta in the mix by scoring a game-high 26 points on 10-for-19 shooting to go along with 4 rebounds (almost matching Robin Lopez's 5 boards) and a team-high 6 dimes. Unfortunately, he bobbled the ball away 9 times. It's like he was impersonating Brett Favre or something.

Aim for their hands, Steve. Their hands.

Hedo Turkoglu: I have one word for you: Turkododo. That is all.

Memo to Turk: That's not how basketball is played.

The Houston Rockets: In my Southwest Division preview post, I said something about the Rockets being, what was it, slow as paste? Then they go out and score 17 fast break points against the Lakers in their season opener.

Man, am I good or what?

Anyway, people may want to talk about Mamba's 27 points and 7 assists, but let the record show that the defending chumps were outscored by eight points when Kobe was in the game. No, the Lakers -- who trailed by as many as 15 points and were down by 11 in the third -- had their asses saved by Shannon Brown (who went berzerk from three and scored 14 of his 16 points in a 6.5-minute stretch during the fourth) and Steve Blake (who drilled the go-ahead trey with 18.8 seconds left).

Shades of John Paxson! Or...something.

Meanwhile, the Rockets -- who were outscored 61-48 in the second half -- looked like the Keystone Cops on their final (and potentially game-tying) possession. Luis Scola missed a crappy-looking pooper-scooper with three seconds to go, and then (after a video review awarded possession back to Houston) Aaron Brook got a layup attempt spoon-fed back to him by Lamar Odom.

The only thing missing was a little Benny Hill music.

Said Brooks: "When I caught the ball, I didn't know exactly where I was on the floor. Then I took a dribble and realized where I was, and I tried to drive, but my leg kind of slipped."

Advanced stat of the game: L.A.'s Turnover Percentage was only 10.0, compared to 16.2 for Houston. Specifically, the Lakers gave up only 10 points off 12 turnovers, while the Rockets surrendered 20 points off 21 turnovers. Kind of a big deal in a 2-point loss.

Bonus Fun fact: From ESPN Stats and Information: "The Lakers came back from an 11-point halftime deficit, outscoring the Rockets 61-48 in the second half. It's their third straight season-opening win and their eighth win in their past nine games versus Houston. The Lakers are now 41-22 in season openers, good for an all-time best .651 win percentage."

Wow! The Lakers are just so good on opening night! Just for kicks and giggles, I decided to do a little research. Going back to the 1995-96 season, the Lakers have played 13 of the last 16 season openers at home. As always, I'm just sayin'.

Update! The Lakers' ring ceremony: From AnacondaHL: "Also, there should be a quickie WotN mention to that Lakers ring ceremony, which was so completely awkward for everyone involved. Okay, Fisher's intro of Kobe was pretty funny. And it did show us that there is a massage therapist and an equipment manager with more rings than LeBron."

Okay, I have to know: How much did Kobe pay for the blowjob Fisher gave him during that ceremony. Mein Gott, that was a GFE if I've ever seen one.

Rick Adelman, quote machine: "They're the world champs, and we knew it was going to be tough. But I thought we responded pretty well. I think [for] about seven minutes, we just didn't play the way we're capable of, and they got back in the game."

For the record, seven minutes is about 15 percent of an NBA game. That's a decent chunk of time to not play the way you're capable of. Just sayin'.

Justin Bieber: If there is any justice in this universe, this guy's obituary will one day read: "Died of natural causes during face punches." And that day will be soon.

Pictured: Douchebag.

Lacktion report: Chris and his lacktion reports are back too!

Heat-Celtics: Zydrunas Ilgauskas began a new chapter of riding King Crab's claws by negating a field goal and three boards in 10:39 with two giveaways and four fouls for a 6:4 Voskuhl!

Suns-Frail Blazers: The fabulous Fabricio Oberto forced a rebound in 3:03, but found enough time to finagle a pair of fouls and a turnover for a 3:1 Voskuhl.

Rockets-Lakers: Chuck Hayes countered an assist and block in 14:49 with three fouls for a 3:0 Voskuhl, while our first true lacktion artist of the season is the Lakers' young Derrick Caracter, who provided a caricature of a professional basketballer with a foul and brick in 2:14 for a +2 suck differential that also doubled as a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl!

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Anonymous Stockton said...
"For the game, the Heat shot 36 percent from the field, gave up 17 points off 17 turnovers, and got outscored 38-24 in the paint"

They need to put Magloire, Ilgauskas and Howard out there!!!!!!

Blogger Dan B. said...
Oh, it's good to be back.

Bawful, I don't know how this was possible, but you managed to find and post five of the eight pictures I had considered for my BAD post tonight. You know, somehow this does not seem like a coincidence... Stop reading my mind!!

This is the kind of shit that killed Red Auerbach. Just sayin'.

If it's any consolation, Shaq ate them shortly after that photo was taken.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Towards the end of the game, Gentry started playing with the "hmm maybe I should have Hedo play with the bench and have Warrick start" units. Also stop putting Hedo at the 4 goddammit.

Also, Batum looks beastly and seems like he's living up to his breakout hype, meaning I wish I drafted him in more of my leagues =/ Wesley Matthews also looking good. I'm all on the Blazers bandwagon for first in the West, pending some cold January night where Oden and Przybilla tumble into each other and fall on Camby who was sitting on the bench.

Good to see Yao smiling again and blocking shots without jumping.

Anonymous Rifftrax Live: Thurs Nite! said...
Say, it didn't take long to reduce Wade to just another cat standing @ the 3pt line watching Ol' Crabby walking the ball up.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Bawful, I don't know how this was possible, but you managed to find and post five of the eight pictures I had considered for my BAD post tonight. You know, somehow this does not seem like a coincidence... Stop reading my mind!!

I want to stop. I have to. It's so dark in there. So dark and cold...

Yeah, you know, even as I was selecting those graphics, I was like, "I hope I'm not stepping on Dan's toes here."

My bad.

But I don't usually post so many pics in WotN. I just got all excited about opening night.

Anonymous Tom said...
References to "Gladiator Votron", Lord of the Rings, Quantum Physics, AND Futurama? You're all right, Basketbawful. You're all right.

Anonymous The Other Chris said...

Turkododo sucks and you will experience a steady diet of his suckitude all season. BALL.

The rebound differential for the Suns this year is going to be downright apocalyptic. Why, again, did you let Lou Amundson walk away? Oh right, to bring in Hakim Warrick.


Lakers looked like they were really mailing it in the stretch of the game I saw.. not defending, easy dunks and layups for the Rockets, etc. It gonna be a long season in la-la-Land if that's the kind of effort the starters are giving.

Blogger Dan B. said...
Bawful -- Dude, post pics all you want. I've still got plenty of material to post tonight, including an animated GIF that will blow your mind. (And you, a gigantic basketball fan, "got all excited" for opening night? Surely you jest!)

Blogger LotharBot said...
Opening night was Voskuhlicious!

There was Big Z with a 6:4 (2 TOs, 4 fouls, 1 point, 3 boards) for the Nazgul

Oberto with a 3:1 (1 TO, 2 fouls, 1 board) for the Frail Blazers

Chuck Hayes with a 3:0 (3 fouls) for the Rockets (there's gotta be a way to make this a joke about a broken Chinese rocket. The Long March 3B has a history of impressive failures including blowing up a whole village and putting a satellite into the wrong orbit.)

And Derrick Caracter with a 1:0 (one foul) that combined with a brick to also make a +2 suck differential.

Blogger Matt said...
Man, Bieber is Canadian and from Ontario. That's about as far you can get away from L.A. on the North American yet still be a part of human civilization.

Blogger Austen said...
I'd throw in a Worst of the Night for Lebron's new Nike shoe commercial, where he spends what felt like at least 5 minutes whining and moaning about the public reaction to "The Decision." Seriously, get over yourself, and shame on you, Nike, for encouraging him.

Blogger Lord Kerrance said...
Bosh is a douche. From the Toronto Star:

"Really, it’s all about being on TV at the end of the day," the five-time all-star said Tuesday. "Seriously. A guy can average 20 and 10, and nobody really cares. If you don’t see it (on U.S. national TV), then it doesn’t really happen."

Glad to know that nationally televised double-single counts. Looking forward to many more.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
The Other Chris - The Warrick signing I was fine with at the time. Pretty cheap, and underrated athleticism. People forgot his time in college, but just thinking about Nash lobbing it up to him was getting me excited for the season.

Then the Childress and Turk signings happened. Ugh. Who the fuck is gonna rebound the ball? Play some defence and maybe some good weakside blocks? We may as well have just kept Amar'e if it was gonna be like that.

My new favorite way to look at boxscores is via here, we can really see the lineups and who actually sucked and what worked.

Grant Hill needs to goto the bench. Robin Lopez needs to play the end of the game. And Warrick needs to start because the Suns need to start games with Nash-to-someone alleyoops, and Warrick is the most athletic guy we've got (pending Childress's health and Euro conditioning).


Concerning Miami, the game I actually could watch, Wade just looked so sadface out there. He may still be injured a bit, or he may be sad seeing LeBron dominate, but Miami was doing excellent when LeBron was in and Wade/Bosh need to learn very quickly how to play with each other or this Miami team is going down.

And Bosh needs to get smarter and learn how to play both PF and C, and switch on the fly. Like, by tonight.

Blogger 49er16 said...
Welcome back WOTN. It's glad to see you again.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Also, there should be a quickie WotN mention to that Lakers ring ceremony, which was so completely awkward for everyone involved. Okay, Fisher's intro of Kobe was pretty funny. And it did show us that there is a massage therapist and an equipment manager with more rings than LeBron.

Blogger Preveen said...
Well, only the former crabs on the Heat seem to have positive +/- numbers. Big Z with +17 while not recording a shot attempt and scoring one point off the stripe? How does that happen?

I also immensely enjoyed Shaq running down the floor and slamming it down off the drop off feed from Rondo. The Heat are my team, but Shaq is still my man! :D Only saw the recap package, ESPN are being bastards in my part of the world again.

Yay! Man-love pics! This should be a rude shock to add the to the email I put to the guys I play ball with. I've been feeding them a steady diet of Heat cheerleader pics all off season.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Crappity crap crap!!!

Chris's lacktion report is about to be appended to the post!

Blogger Wormboy said...
Miami really did looked out of sync. I guess you can't completely invent a new team and expect them to play well together. LeBron was the only one who could work well that way, since the offense he's worked in his entire life is "give the ball to LeBron." Execution? What?

And mark my words, here's where we see that Bosh isn't as good as everybody has said he is. Great numbers on a crappy team syndrome, exposed.

I can't help but like Wade. But I really can't see him without remembering the "100 most beautiful people" thing in 2006. Really? He is actually a kind of funny looking dude.

But he looked very rusty. He'll improve. A lot.

So how long until Spoelstra is fired and Riley takes over? Not sure Spoelstra can herd LeBron's ego into a scheme that will win a championship.

Does Shaq actually have bones in his body? Because all I see is pudding. That's humiliating. Put down the 5th burger, Shaq!

LAks: THAT's why it's hard to repeat, much less threepeat. If they win this year, it will be because Gasol carries them.

Suns: Poor Nashie.

Rockets: meh. Grudging respect, no hopes.

Anonymous Heretic said...
In the ring ceremony, did they skip over one guy? He looked startled when they called the name of the guy next to him.

I'm just counting down the days till Lebron convinces the Heat to do choreographed dance moves, it worked out so well in Cleveland.

Blogger Unknown said...
When I heard that Justin Bieber was in possession of one of the rings, I almost threw up a little in my mouth.

Also, Scola looks like Vujacic with Down Syndrome.

Damn, it feels good to have WotN back. Looking forward to this season's unintentionally dirty quotes.

Blogger chris said...
Lord Kerrance:

I think we HAVE to do a CB4 Nationally Televised Double-Single Tracker now.

Everyone with me? :D :D

Blogger AnacondaHL said...

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Miami really did looked out of sync. I guess you can't completely invent a new team and expect them to play well together.

Really? Because it seemed to work for Boston back in 2008.

Anonymous The Other Chris said...
@Lord Kerrance and @chris

Yeah. I can't believe he actually said that. Who says that?!? It's all about being on TV?

Good riddance to bad rubbish, I guess he was a 20/10/50 guy all along..

Blogger Lord Kerrance said...
@chris: Like it. Let's hope we didn't just reverse stat-curse him into a decent season. :)

Anonymous Czernobog said...
I actually think the Rockets are good enough for a 3rd seed. Mostly because Scola is a lot better than anyone gives him credit for, and discount store is showing that he can do his thing even if he's not the only offensive player on the floor.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah let's hold a grudge about an athlete who said something facetiously in a quote taken out of context!

Anonymous kazam92 said...
Stockton: You're not even joking. Joel Anthony has no business being in the NBA and he's a starting center

And Bawful how I missed thee.

Blogger -Josh said...
Really? Because it seemed to work for Boston back in 2008.

Yeah, but they did have Rivers who I think is a great team oriented coach. I don't know what to make of Spoelstra as a coach. I think he's good working with individuals, but not sure how well he'll help the team really gel. What are your thoughts?

Anonymous Hellshocked said...
Last night was sort of Miami's nightmare scenario: Wade and Lebron didn't play together so much as take turns shooting, Chris Bosh was soft, defenseless and bricking mid range jumpers, their interior defense surrendered layup after layup to the groundbound Celtics and they only looked remotely like a team when Lebron went into Cavs mode.

They will definitely improve on some aspects as the season goes on. Lebron had a couple of great entry passes to Wade in the post and I see a lot more of this happening and going both ways. Most teams don't play transition defense as well as the Celtics so Miami will get a lot more easy buckets on the break. Ball movement and spacing on offense will work itself out and the perimeter defense will in all likelihood improve.

Other things, however, I can see being season-long problems. Bosh is tissue paper soft, opting for turnaround long range jumpers even when he has the baseline open. He is not a good rebounder, is a terrible defender and will not be someone who can be depended on as more than a 3rd banana. He will put up big numbers against crappy teams but you saw what strong post defense does to him last night. The interior defense is also not going to get any better. Miami will give up a lot of layups and dunks during the season and will be out rebounded by bigger teams.

Yes, it was only the first game. Yes, everyone was rusty. Yes, they still came back from being down 20 but as an unabashed Miami hater I was certainly smiling last night.


I agree. I don't think I've ever seen Shaq this fat. Ever. He looked like the Stay Puft marshmallow man.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Post updated to include LeBron's new commercial and the Lakers' ring ceremony.

Anonymous Barry said...
A great day, for the WotN's have returned!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
The Heat opener was extremely interesting to me not just for schadenfreude purposes but for actual basketball strategy purposes. As others here have noticed, the Heat looked like hot garbage except during the period of time when they were running the Cleveland offense, complete with Ilgauskas on the floor and everyone just watching Lebron play with the ball.

Now. We know that this offense doesn't work long term. We have about 5 years experience knowing that the first time they play an actual good team, it falls apart in the playoffs. Lebron only beat 1 team with more than 48 wins in the playoffs in his whole career playing that offense. But it sure seemed like it was the best that the Heat could do.

So I wonder. How often will they revert to Lebron-on-5. Will Wade/Bosh be OK with this? Will there come a point in the dog days of the season where Wade gets in Lebron's face about this? Will this whole thing go away if Wade has an actual good game instead of a bawful one? Guess we'll find out.

Blogger David said...
Oddly enough, as a Heat fan, I am feeling very encouraged by last nights result.

They probably just played the worst half of offensive basketball you'll see them play all season long. In spite of this, they still somehow got to within three with less than two minutes to go.

I mean, think about that. They were two baskets away from beating the defending ECF champs at home on opening night while clearly not being close to in sync with eachother.

The future looks pretty bright from my vantage point.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
They also had Garnett throwing up a ridiculous 22-20-5-3-3 for their season opener against the previously 41-41 Wizards.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I think with Shaq and Big Baby the Celtics may be able to lock down the coveted "most hamburgers eaten during an NBA season" currently held by Barkley.

Blogger Henchman #2 said...

Chris Bosh is the ice cream cone.

Blogger David said...

I think its kind of hard to argue that Bosh isn't a good rebounder. One game doesn't make a career. He's had plenty of good rebounding games last night against quality front lines throughout his career. I could pull a youtube video right now of him getting 40 and 18 against Dwight Howard.

Last night wasn't his finest hour, for sure, but it's one game. His body of work suggests that he's going to be a major contributor for this team once everyone understands their role on the team.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
I'm more interested in the growth of the Heat defense. I knew coming in that without an MLE to spend and especially with Mike Miller out, the most interesting questions about offense revolve around usage and efficiency production from the three.

But I was under the impression that Spoelstra was a defensive coach, and that the players assembled could make a suffocating defense, which would be the key to even having a chance at a ring this year. TBD I guess.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
David - The Heat's future is so bright, you gotta wear shades!

Blogger stephanie g said...
My favorite part of the game was when Bosh was iso'd against Shaq on the right wing. Here's the guy who called you out as the RuPaul of big men. He's so far past his peak he's in a valley. The baseline is WIDE OPEN. What does Bosh do? Fadeaway. CLANK!

That, or Wade's "FU LEBRON" fadeaway three in the corner after the timeout.

The Heat blowing goat balls would be the greatest bawful triumph story ever, but they need to be a juggernaut so LA doesn't threepeat. Boston is old and will run out of gas again, Orlando can only get worse unless the Dwightmare is animated by the spirit of the Dream, and the Bulls are a 2nd round exit waiting to happen. And the only way LA doesn't make it out of the West is if Gasol blows a knee out or if Oden stops being made of chickenwire and duct tape.

Blogger David said...

Ya Spoelstra is a defensive coach. He was groomed by Riley for the job and has the same ideas about how important D is. Last year the Heat were very good defensively, even Joel Anthony and Jermaine O'Neal manning the middle.

They weren't bad last night. They gave up 88 points on 91 possessions. However, they gave up some back-breaking three pointers at critical times. That needs addressing.

It's going to be very interesting to see how they deal with Dwight Howard and Orlando's army of three point shooters this Friday.

Anonymous ish` said...
forgot to mention during the ring ceeremony the announcer skippe4d one of the assistant coaches, i think hazzad, for kareem and then never did mention hazzad

Anonymous The Other Chris said...

"In spite of this, they still somehow got to within three with less than two minutes to go."

Because the Celtics themselves struggle to create offense? Their point guard can't shoot, their shooting guard either can't miss or can't throw it in the ocean... really your only semi-reliable option is The Truth, when he's not busy getting clocked by the Talents of South Beach.

Blogger Unknown said...
C'mon Bawful, I liked the Lakers ceremony, although I'm biased. It was heartfelt as guys praised one another, it reminded me of a ceremony a high school team would hold at the end of the year. Intimate and congratulatory. I'll say this, despite being in L.A., the Lakers do things in a muted tones when it comes to chants, intros, and outtros..

I can't stand the loud Boston intro with every player screaming and the dramatic background string music. Or the obnoxious DE-TROIT BAS-KET-BALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Take the Heat's intro of LWB, with the smoke and the red lights, it's like they their ideas from a White Snake concert. Louder does not equal better.

Blogger DC said...
Anybody want to see the Nyets play? Their tickets are in such hot demand, that they're reselling for the vast sum of 49 cents. That's right - panhandling may very well allow you to afford a seat at the Prudential Center.

Anonymous Tree said...
Am I the only one that was amused by LeBron's "I'm not used to having so many options" remark? By my count, and not including himself, he has 2 options: Wade and Bosh. He's really never had more than 2 options in Cleveland?

Granted, he's never had a second option like Wade before, but the rest of the NBA fandom will soon discover what we in Toronto already know: Bosh is just not as good as people seem to think he is. He's a classic "great stats on a bad team" player. He never made anyone around him better in Toronto - every year new options were brought in, but they just never seemed to work out ... the only constant was Bosh.

LeBron never had a team with 2 players like he does in Miami ... but players 4-12 are a poo-poo platter of has beens and, well, poo-poo. Actually, the more I write, the more I realize that he has had players of Boshes stature while in Cleveland ... so really it's just Wade.

Blogger Cortez said...
"Am I the only one that was amused by LeBron's 'I'm not used to having so many options' remark?"


61-21, Finished 1st in NBA Central Division (Schedule and Results)
Coach: Mike Brown (61-21)

PTS/G: 102.1 (10th of 30) ▪ Opp PTS/G: 95.6 (6th of 30)
SRS: 6.17 (2nd of 30) ▪ Pace: 91.4 (25th of 30)
Off Rtg: 111.2 (6th of 30) ▪ Def Rtg: 104.1 (7th of 30)
Expected W-L: 59-23 (2nd of 30)

Until just now I didn't realize James had averaged 102.1 ppg.

He's more amazing than I originally thought!

Blogger Fishy said...
Yes! There was awesome summer posts but nothing beats WOTN.. welcome back!

Adam: Also, Scola looks like Vujacic with Down Syndrome.

I actually can't decide which one is the down syndrome version of the other...

On that note, we're going to hell.

Anonymous Tree said...
@Cortez: exactly! It's like he can't help himself - he needs to continue taking a giant dump on Cavalier fans.

I liked this guy until this summer. I even foolishly thought he'd get it and take a different approach to his time in Cleveland ... this quote leads me to believe he hasn't learned a thing from his debacle of a summer.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Fucking hell, Justin Bieber sitting courtside and wearing a championship ring (how the fuck did he get that?). No wonder everyone hates the Lakers and their fans. If only something like this were possible.

I think the Blazers are gonna have to make some personnel changes before they really become a serious threat. It was too easy for Phoenix to defend them for much of last night due to the fact that with Miller in there at the point, the Suns could just sag off him (cause dude can't hit a jumper to save his life) and double elsewhere with impunity. And when you add that to one of their center options who also aren't much of a threat to score, it makes defending the Blazers far easier than it should be. Of course, this strategy fell apart for Phoenix when the Blazers went small at the end and put Batum in there, leaving Phoenix to have to man up (which they did an exceptionally poor job of). Also, does Phoenix have a power forward on their roster?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I thought it was pretty funny how in that Bieber picture (he/she/its) hat over (he/she/its) jersey read 6/24. Very MVP shooting numbers there.

...I'm not bitter, promise.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Fucking hell, Justin Bieber sitting courtside and wearing a championship ring (how the fuck did he get that?). No wonder everyone hates the Lakers and their fans. If only something like this were possible.

You know, that link very nearly makes up for you being a Lakers fan, Yams. I love it. And I must re-use it.

Blogger Dan B. said...
That Bieber Terminator thing is gold, Yams. And to answer your question as to how he acquired that ring, Jeannie Buss said he asked to borrow it, and she "just couldn't say no to Justin Bieber." Seriously.

Anonymous The Other Chris said...
"Fucking hell, Justin Bieber sitting courtside and wearing a championship ring (how the fuck did he get that?). No wonder everyone hates the Lakers and their fans."

For once, Yams, you and I are in total agreement.

For me, I feel shame because the little twat is both Canadian and from Ontario.

On a total tangent, he's too stupid to know what German is:

Although technically the clip is also basketball-related, and therefore qualifies as basketbawful. Although it's more like just life-awful.

Anonymous Stockton said...
Bieber is what, a singer? okay... anywaaay... he's just a baby, a brat that needs some good, hard spanking... not the kind of spanking you would give Jessica Alba, of course...

On the LeCrab note: of course life in Miami is harder for him, he probably needs to read a playbook with more than one page (Mike Brown 1: get the ball, run to the basket. Mike Brown 1.1: get the ball, hit jumper)

Anonymous Stockton said...
I'm so happy the Miami Amigos lost, didnt' even mind the Lakers win!!!!!

Anonymous Hellshocked said...

Believe me man, I'm not basing this on just one game. I've been watching Bosh since he was a rookie and the guy is just not a good rebounder. On a Toronto team that routinely got out-rebounded by opponents because they were so awful at retrieving misses he has only cracked double digit rebounding for the season 3 times, and barely. This while playing 38 or so minutes. In the playoffs, his minutes go up and his rebounding goes down (as does his field goal percentage).

Part of his problem with rebounding is the fact that he is very weak so he gets outmuscled when fighting for position. Part of it is that his offense takes place pretty far from the hoop so he isn't usually in position to get offensive boards. The main issue though is that he simply isn't wired that way. He's not Amare bad, but he doesn't chase rebounds down and gobble them up. He simply takes the ones that are available to him and gives up quickly when one isn't in his immediate area.

Bosh will fit in with the rest of the Heat, don't get me wrong. He is very quick so he will run his way into fast break points, he will be the recipient of numerous drive-and-dish assists and he can convert the occasional alley oop via back door cuts. Believe me when I say that he is very much part of the defense and rebounding problem in Miami though, and not the solution. Until the Heat get a big, beefy, shot blocking and rebounding center (what team isn't desperate for one of those?) they're going to have those kinds of problems.

Why didn't they go after Dampier again? I'm not even kidding. He could be a fantastic 10-15 minute per game player.

Blogger The Dude Abides said...
The guy who was passed over in the Laker ceremony is one of their special assistant coaches. He's Walt Hazzard's son, but I forget his name. I think he has a similar job to what Spoelstra had before he was upgraded to full assistant.

I hate the Celtics, but respect them. I hate the new Heat, and don't respect them. I was very happy to see the Heat lose last night, as I can't stand Les Douches Trois, and wonder if they will ever be able to mesh properly. Lebrick doesn't play well off the ball, Bosh will always need a very good rim defender alongside him (and Joelle Anthony is not the answer), and Wade is going to need to change his style of play when he's on the court at the same time as Lebrick.

The Lakers almost never play well on the night of their ring ceremony. They eked out a close win at home vs the Clippers last season. I remember the Showtime teams losing at home on ring nights, as well. I was impressed that they came back and won that game. The Rockets should make the playoffs this season, and they always give the Lakers trouble because Aaron Brooks makes Fisher look like a statue bolted to the floor, instead of the ordinary statue he normally is.

Anonymous The Other Chris said...
Aaron Brooks makes Fisher look like a statue bolted to the floor, instead of the ordinary statue he normally is.

I lol'ed.

Blogger David said...
The way Miami rejected Dampier is perplexing.

I emailed Ira Winderman asking him -

"What have you heard about why the Heat opted not to go down [the Dampier] road? And do you think the Heat would still make the same choice today in light of some of the issues Joel has had this preseason?"

Ira responded -

"I still think they would have stayed the same way. The Heat tends to view things through a different prism and believe that players ingrained in its system have a decided advantage."

Anonymous Heretic said...
BTW how many fast breaks is Ron Artest going to blow? I like his defensive hustle but after that he should just pass the ball. Watching him dribble down the court on a fast break is like watching a player from a 50s basketball team dribble down the court at full speed, just a lot of awkwardness and short shorts.

Kobe seemed a lot more comfortable with the new backups. Kobe getting double teamed on the drive and then a kick out to the open player seems to work pretty well. I'm hoping as long as they knock down a decent amount of the open shorts he feeds them, then he'll keep passing the ball.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
"Via ESPN Stats & Info, James brought the ball up 37 times, Wade 21 times, Arroyo 14 times and Eddie House one time."

Blogger Paul said...
Also, there should be a quickie WotN mention to that Lakers ring ceremony, which was so completely awkward for everyone involved. Okay, Fisher's intro of Kobe was pretty funny. And it did show us that there is a massage therapist and an equipment manager with more rings than LeBron.

You kidding me?! The only bawful part about it was skipping one of the assistant coaches.
Phil Jackson: (Introducing Luke Walton)
"It's been said that Bill maybe his father, but he is really my son"

That was fun shit, well not really too fun when you back track a little and remember that just a couple of years ago everybody was wondering how in earth was Walton signed to a ridonculous multi-year deal.
Thanks Phil!!!!
@Anaconda, I guess you got me there.

As far as Miami goes, boy were my eyes the only ones that got hurt watching Lebron trying to score from the post?
It's almost like DHoward post moves but worse. Picture Howard posting up while experiencing an epileptic seizure.

Anonymous Heretic said...
Yeah Lebron's post moves looked like a ballet production put together by the residents of an insane asylum. For those of you that missed it:

Anonymous Hellshocked said...

Any time Eddie House brings the ball up the court it was an accident. Unless he is parked at the 3 point line, give him the ball at your own risk.

Anonymous Barry said...
LeBron started off rather tepid but he was downright scary during a stretch. Of course we nearly let it slip in all-too familiar fashion.

It's gonna be a long season, I don't know if this team is going to be able to keep it up all season. You can just see they need to be in the play-offs before they really give a shit. In the same vein as the Lakers, but at least they manage to care for the biggest part of the season.

Anonymous Heretic said...
Its weird though, when Lebron went through that stretch where he was making basket after basket, the rest of the team were standing around just looking at him, just like in Cleveland.