Zaza Pachulia Enden must marry for wealth

Whoops. This bachelor isn't as eligible as I thought...
Update! A terrible, awful, unforgivable mistake has been made. I mocked the wrong Zaza. Hello egg, meet my face. The following story is about Zaza Enden, not Zaza Pachulia. Two pro ballers from Georgia named Zaza? What are the chances? Apparently immense.

Come and get it, ladies.
Strange news from Basketbawful reader Mithat: "Dude, according to this Turkish newspaper, Zaza Pachulia's Enden's uncle died and left him $100 million...on one condition: He must marry and stay married for at least five years. Is this a bad movie script or what?"

Since I missed all of my Turkish language classes in college, I can only make out the numbers in the article Mithat linked to. (Assuming those are actually numbers and not some form of foreign script. Note to self: Stop sniffing glue.) But as soon as my Turkish intern shows up with the dry cleaning, I'll provide as much of a translation as he can manage while doing my pedicure.

Translation update! Mithat helped me pierce the language barrier (somewhat):

I tried to translate the article myself, but the writer included a lot of unrelated details and used a confusing language, so I am sorry that I can only translate the following:

The main idea is, Zaza had a relationship with a model named Ece Gürsel in Turkey and once he was in the headlines for beating his girlfriend. (This has nothing to do with the rest of the article, but it's there -- great journalism!!)

His uncle, residing in Russia, died last week and left him $100 million. Zaza confirmed the incident, stating that he received a phone call from Moscow from a lawyer explaining the situation, but he said at first he taught it was a joke.

He also said that his uncle in Russia loved him very much and he is not surprised the uncle left everything to him and two sons. The lawyer told him that there is a condition on the will. This condition is that Zaza has to get married and stay married for 5 years. After receiving the news, Zaza called his mom in Georgia (the country, not the state) and asked her to come to Turkey. Zaza is doing some passport related paperwork and as soon as he is finished he will go to Moscow to check what is going on and other conditions.

He also insisted the inheritance is not cash, but it includes shopping centers, residences, land and other real estate. When asked if everything goes okay and he gets the money what he will do, he answered that he will start a basketball club and play final in Euroleague with this club.

What? Start a basketball club?! Now that he has access to unlimited cash, his primary goal is surrounding himself with hot, sweaty European dudes? What a waste. And man, if you inherit $100 million dollars and "commission genius to build me a rocket pack" isn't one of the top two items on your "List Of Things To Do Now That I'm Filthy Rich," you lose cool points. All of 'em.

Another update! I apologize for any initial misinformation I might have spread. Fortunately, Basketbawful reader Kaan was there to set me straight:

The player in question is not Zaza Pachulia but rather Zaza Enden. Both are Georgian (seems Zaza is a popular name there), and both came to Turkey at a very young age to play basketball.

And actually the story is extremely fishy. Enden has been known to use incredible theatrics for fame because I believe he is cash strapped and needs to be in the spotlight. He has not played top level basketball for 4-5 years. He appeared in a Turkish version of Dancing with Stars for appearence fees and such. I firmly believe this is a hoax anyway.

Damn hoaxes. Damn bloggers who blog too quickly. Damn brains that are thinking more about the warm weather than fact checking and brushing up on my Turkish. Damn, damn, damn.