I'm currently writing an impassioned plea to the Suns to stop sucking -- and yes, a 24-10 team can and does suck -- but in the meantime, here's a brief Worst of the Night post with a little something extra: What is possibly the worst and most bizarre Larry Bird commercial of all time (as previously discovered by Matt Watson of the AOL Fanhouse).

This commercial was apparently shot in 1982. Nothing really made sense back then: Parachute pants, friendship pins, wacky wallcrawlers, jelly shoes, the fact that men actually wanted to see Carrie Fisher in a metal bikini. But even stranger than any of those things is the fact that Larry Joe Bird, the Hick from French Lick, endorsed French designer jeans. Anybody who knows anything about Larry Bird knows that the only "designer" jeans he would have worn in the 80s would have been a pair of Wranglers. Maybe.

I also found it exceedingly strange that Bird barely even appears in the commercial. Now, I'm not a French designer jean commercial expert, but I do know this: If I'm paying money to film a commercial starring Larry Bird, that commercial is actually going to star Larry Bird. After watching it 20 times or so, I'm not convinced Larry even realized he was in a commercial. He was probably just hanging out at the local arcade in his French designer jeans, playing with his basketball and watching girls ride around on their roller skates...you know, just like everybody else in the 80s was doing. The commercial just kind of got shot around him. Seriously. I have to believe that.

Worst of the Night

Denver Nuggets Defense: The Nuggets are, amazingly, the eighth best team in the league in field goal percentage allowed (44.4). That fact is even harder to believe after the way the Suns shot against them last night (53.8). The Suns scored 46 points in the first quarter en route to a 137-points sandblasting of the hapless Nuggets. I'm not a mathematalogist -- in fact, I still count on my fingers -- but even I know you don't win many games by giving up 130 points.

Boris Diaw: On a night in which it seemed like every single Suns player had it going, Diaw still sucked, scoring 4 points (on 2-for-8 shooting) and almost fouling out. Seriously, someone needs to go to Diaw's house and check his basement for body snatcher pods.

San Antonio Spurs defense: The Spurs are the third-best team in the league in terms of PPG allowed (92.5), yet last night they surrendered 130 points to the Warriors. Sure, it was an overtime game, but the Warriors still had 112 points by the end of regulation. As I might have mentioned before, you don't win many games by giving up 130 points.

Fun fact: This kind of shocked me, but the Spurs are only 21st in the league in field goal percentage defense (45.7), which is barely better than the Heat (45.8) and Warriors (also 45.8). The fact that they're one of the best teams in PPG allowed but one of the worst teams in FGP allowed tells you pretty much all you need to know about the pace of their games.

Bruce Bowen: Great players always want to redeem themselves after bad games. Embarrassed by his 1-for-8 shooting performance against the Clippers, Bowen came back to shoot 2-for-8 against the Warriors. Way to turn it around, Bruce!

Robert Horry: Unless my eyes decieve me, the Spurs started him at center last night. He played 13 minutes, shot 0-for-1, and committed one turnover for each point he scored (3).

Tim Duncan: Yeah, he had 32 points, 13 rebounds, and 3 assists, but he had the game-worst +/- score of -13. Are the Spurs better without Tim Duncan?? Ha, ha, okay, I'm kidding. But seriously, I don't get this +/- thingie.

Matt Barnes: It's never a good sign when you have a career year but your team only wants to sign you to a one-year contract. That's what happened with Barnes this summer, and it's starting to look like the Warriors knew what they were doing. His numbers are down in scoring (9.8 to 7.3), shooting percentage (43.8 to 38.5), three-point percentage (36.6 to 32.7), and freethrow percentage (73.2 to 68.6). Meanwhile, all his other number are about the same. Basically, that one-year contract was the Warriors way of saying, "Prove it," and Barnes isn't. His line against the Spurs last night: Zero points (0-for-3), 3 rebounds, 1 turnover, and 2 fouls in eight minutes of playing time.

Austin Croshere: He hasn't played since scoring a season-high 12 points on December 16th.

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Blogger Unknown said...
I'm currently writing an impassioned plea to the Suns to stop sucking -- and yes, a 24-10 team can and does suck

Totally agree... Unless you actually watch the games, it's hard to know how good a team actually is, because there are so many REALLY BAD teams in the NBA. I predict an early round exit for Phoenix if they keep this mediocre ball up.

In totally unrelated news, I hate the BCS, the coaches who vote and the AP... Georgia = #1

Anonymous Anonymous said...
December 7th 2008?

anyways that thing about the spurs is surprising (not the pace of their games part AHHAHA)

they'll probably clamp down after the all star break though

Blogger Basketbawful said...
flohtingpoint -- The BCS is a total joke, but a joke it seems we're stuck with. Personally, I'd like to see a bowl playoff system. I mean hell, they string out the bowl games for almost a month anyway.

anonymous -- Lordy. Not sure where my brain was at on that one. I guess I should spend less time looking up stats and more time proofreading my posts...

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Croshere had actually been out with a back injury. Not that he's made any team better in years.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Im waiting for the Suns to stop sucking too. I mean 137 points, thats not acceptable. 20 three pointers in a game, disgusting. Doris Diaw = UGLY. Wake up Suns, you are only leading the Western Conference for crying out loud!

Blogger M. D. said...
You think the Suns need to stop sucking? Have you watched the Utah Jazz lately (i know you haven't)? They suck.

Here is a link to our Jazz blog. It's funny and we aren't homers. We'd love to get linked up with Basketbawlful


Check us out. Keep up the optimistic writing. Late.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
they might be 21st in opponents field goal percentage, but the spurs are 6th in the league in points allowed per 100 possessions...so with pace factored out, they're still good defensively (forcing turnovers/low number of offensive boards conceded?).