WotN - Noah

The Miami Heat: After the Heat's 96-85 loss to the 76ers, Dwyane Wade said: ""It's tough to lose, but it's tougher to be the worst team in the Eastern Conference. You don't know what you're going to see from one night to the next." That statement was so stunning that I actually had to go and double-check the standings, and it's true: Miami (8-21) has the worst record in the Eastern Conference, and second worst (to Minnesota) in the league. They were the 2006 NBA champions, and now they're en route to a possible top three pick in the 2008 NBA Draft Lottery. I cannot believe that a team with Shaq and Dwyane Wade could be this bad. Pat Riley needs to fire himself immediately.

Fun Fact: Shaq took four shots last night. Four. He's had double-figure shot attempts in only three games this month (he's averaging 9.7 FGA on the season). He's scored 20 or more points exactly three times this season. At this point, the Heat need to trade Shaq. I know it sounds crazy, but he came to Miami and won his championship, thus "proving" himself. About the only thing that would motivate The Big Washed Up is a change of scenery. And while even that might not work, the Heat need him off their roster ASAP. I know public sentiment might be in his corner, but as Jason Williams has taught us, NBA players are just high-paid prositutes. Speaking of which...

Jason Williams: The NBA's self-proclaimed high-paid prostitute didn't get his high-paid butt off the bench last night.

New York Knicks: Every Knick players is secretly grateful for the existence of the Miami Heat, because it means they aren't the worst and most disappointing team in the East. Anyway, Isiah's latest gimmick failed miserably. Yeah, he brought Zach Randolph off the bench and it gave the team a short-term boost -- up by one point at halftime! Sadly, they still suffered another double-digit butt-kicking.

Eddy Curry: Sure, he started at center for the Knicks, but he played two minutes before getting benched. Then he played only two more minutes in the second half before heading to the bench for good with his 2 points, zero rebounds, zero blocked shots, 2 fouls, and 1 turnover. Said Curry: "It's extremely tough to sit that long. I'm not used to that at all and I hope it doesn't continue. I just think at some point I'm going to have to be out there for us to win the game." Because we all know how much Eddy contributes to winning environments.

Jamaal Tinsley: This guy is a career 31 percent three-point shooter, and he's only hitting 30 percent of his treys this season. But that didn't stop him from hoisting up eight threes last night -- and missing all of them -- on his way to a craptacular 6-21 shooting performance.

Fun fact: The Atlanta Hawks (15-12) have won five games in a row, and eight of their last 12. Wow. Maybe these guys actually can make the playoffs.

Jason Kidd: He's one of the best point guards of all time, which explains the constant rumors about where he may or may not end up if the Nets decided to trade him away. But his poor shooting ability has always been a problem. He's currently shooting a career-worst 36 percent from the field, which wasn't helped by last night's 0-for-8 showing against the Pistons. Considering how weak the supporting cast is, the Nets need more than 2 points from this guy if they want to compete with anybody, let alone one of the league's elite teams.

Jason Collins: Last night's zero-point, 1-rebound performance was just more of the same for Collins. He's now gone scoreless in 17 of the 27 games he's played this season. He's also had eight 1-rebound games, and four zero-rebound games. And this guy was starting as recently as four games ago. He's making over $6 million this year, by the way, and he'll be making about the same next season too.

Darko Milicic: Darko's slide into oblivion continued last night: 13 minutes, 2 points (1-2), 3 rebounds, 1 assist, 2 turnovers. Have I mentioned that the Grizzlies are starting Stromile Swift ahead of him? Yeah, it's gotten that bad.

Jeremy Richardson: This undrafted forward out of Delta State notched a super-ultra-rare four trillion last night. In fact, he came within 10 seconds of making it a five trillion! That's not easy to do.

Chicago Bulls: Finally free of the iron-fisted tyranny of Scott Skiles, the Bulls once again put forth the kind of lackluster effort that got their coach fired and has made Kyle Orton the talk of Chicago. Released from Skiles suffocating offensive sets, Luol Deng shot 5-of-15 and Andres Nocioni hit 1-of-11. Ben Wallace, who chafed under Skiles' Draconion rules, submitted a 2-point, 4-rebound gem while being totally outplayed by Matt Bonner (12 points, 9 rebounds). But despite their newfound freedom and the sense of hope it brought, the Bulls still got blown out by a Spurs team that didn't have Manu Ginobili and suffered through a poor game from Tim Duncan (8 points on 2-of-9 shooting and 5 turnovers).

Jason Terry: Zero points on 0-for-10 shooting in 22 minutes of action?! And this from a guy who's role on the team is supposed to be instant offense.

DeSagana Diop: Maybe that posterization by Grant Hill hurt Diop more than anyone suspected. Last night he submitted the impossible line of 6 minutes...and nothing else. A six trillion! DeSagnana, you're seven feet tall. Couldn't you at least foul somebody or commit a turnover or something? Speaking of which...

Eddie Jones: He managed to avoid a three trillion thanks only to a timely turnover. He's getting pretty good at that.

Milwaukee Bucks: Did somebody grease the ball the Bucks were shooting with? Michael Redd (1-8), Andrew Bogut (2-8), Yi Jianlian (2-11), Bobby Simmons (1-7), Charlie Bell (1-4)...were you guys even looking at the basket?

Fun fact: You know, I might actually need to put the "D" back into the Enver Nuggets name. They may be giving up 103 PPG, but they're seventh-best in the league in field goal defense (44.5), and the four teams directly ahead of them are all tied (43.9).

Boston versus Sacramento: Any game that ends with a score of 89-69 probably wasn't very exciting, and this one was no exception. The teams shambled awkwardly out of the blocks (18-16 after one quarter). The Kings then scored 13 points in the second quarter, and the Celtics countered by scoring 13 points in the third quarter. Not to be outdone, Sacramento put the period on this yawnfest by going for another 13 points in the fourth.

Golden State Warriors: I'm not sure why the Warriors struggled so mightily to fend off a 4-win team at home despite a career-high 35 points from Monta Ellis, but I'm pretty sure the fact that they don't play defense, can't get to the freethrow line on a consistent basis, and live-and-die off jumpers has something to do with it.

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Blogger bob said...
Oh look, Isiah, starting David Lee got you another double-double, a rarity when involved with Curry and Randolph.

Note to Jason Williams: grow some hair. Stop looking like a thug. Fly under the radar without some idiotic comments. Stop taking pointless pull-ups. Try to actually look as if you're deserving your 8.9mil which you sort of earned in Memphis.

And the Mavs are still looking terrible. YOu forgot to mention Dirk who stunk up the joint from three-land, and Eddie Jones has been monstrously useless. Bring back Mo Ager!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
who is better jason collins or jon koncak?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
good luck trading the most untradeable contract in the league by far, shaq... on the other hand i'm sure riley is on the phone to isiah as we speak :P

Blogger Unknown said...
I cannot believe that a team with Shaq and Dwyane Wade could be this bad. Pat Riley needs to fire himself immediately.

Yea, it is about time for Pat Riley to slip back into the shadows and allow someone else to make his team good for him again. At least buying him time to rally the troops for the coming coup de grace when the Heat starts being a contender once again.

Shaq should have been gone the moment they won the title. The Heat have no excuse for not moving O'Neal for the always bitter Pau Gasol. I'm sure Memphis would have welcomed the ticket sales generated from having Shaq and the Heat could have actually used someone who doesnt take 40-50 games off a season.

I wish I had more organs so I could give the Heat four kidney transplants down.

Blogger Christian Angelo said...
Oh hey guys. Nice, another set of Worst of the night. Just a thought, wouldn't it be more fun if you write an entry entitled "Worst of the year"? Yes, the compilation of the very worst of the past year.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Look how valuable Walker and Posey are. the heat cant win without 'em (hard as it is to believe)

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Hey Bawful. Send some love to Portland and Atlanta. Nice to see two teams who have been so low for so long start to play some good hoops!