This classic television commercial for the Converse "Weapon" had a little bit of everything that made the 80s so great: A shoe named after something deadly, famous athletes trying to dance and rap, and Larry Bird's majestic feathered mullet.

Worst shoe:Magic Johnson's yellow and purple abomination. People in the 80s were not ready for something so hideous.

Best performer: Bernard King was the only guy in the commercial that had a semblance of rhythm and didn't sound like he was rapping straight off a cue card.

Most questionable appearance: Every player in this group at one time or another placed in the top 4 in MVP voting...except Mark Aguirre.

Best moment: When Kevin McHale sets his shoe on Isiah Thomas' head. Note the utter disdain in McHale's withering glance.

Best line: Larry's "You already know what they did for me...I walked away with the MVP," delivered in that odd drawl that only Bird could pull off. Note his rather strange pronunciation of MVP.

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Blogger Evil Ted said...
As usual, McHale is the most at ease in front of the camera. Note how he even flips the shoe in the air behind Isaiah. Sweet.

Em'-Ve-Pee, Larry? And did ya have to hold up the trophy too? Tacky.

Larry found his commercial niche with the MJ "Nuthin' but net" commercials and others, but he did have an early dark period where he was only entertaining on the basketball court.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is one of my favorite things about basketbawful!! I love these commercials!! Somebody please tell me why some of the guys held thier shoes upside down?!?! People were so weird in the eighties!

Blogger Pete Fresh said...
Best performer: Magic. It takes a true arteest to freestlye and change the word "do" to "dooooooooo". He'll do anything for more face time.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
pete -- Dude, you know, I was thinking the exact same thing. Magic, he tries so hard.

btw, I scored 350 in The Man Test. But only because of a new category that got added late...

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Thank you for that. I've always heard of these "Converse" things. And after that commercial, I can understand why I've never seen and only barely heard of them:

1 - They are obviously extremely old judging by the players in the commercial. They must have been phased out around the same time as leather football helmets. I'm not sure they had a 3-point line back then.

B - Their commercials are so bad, that the company had to have gone under, explaining why I've never seen them. The writer, producer, and Mark Aguirre should be kicked in the nuts for that commercial.

Lastly - They are just plain ugly. I'd rather be caught wearing Chris Webber's Chrome Catastrophe's (embarrassing for both being hideous AND associated with the biggest loser an choke artist of all time), the Starbury Ones (no explanation needed...I can't believe I used to cheer for him in purple and orange), or the Wade 2.0's...wait...those are Converses...I must not have noticed, since the camera angle for shooting free throws is from the waist up. TAKE THAT WADE!!

This commercial brings up and interesting question though....The players from this commercial vs. the players from the Nike AF25 commercial???:

Now, the AF25 crew has many more players, so I will reduce this squad by eliminating the following:
O'Neil (guy gets blocked more than my little sister when we used to play 1-on-1 in the front yard).
Parker (he is a Spur, and he's French, enough said).
Paul (he's to young, and Nash has that spot locked. LOCKED!!)
Peirce (hes a dam good player, but I refuse to eliminate any of the 3 Suns players. Need I mention there are 3 Suns players? 3 SUNS PLAYERS!!! Best commercial ever)

So that makes 6 vs 6 (1 sub each)

McHale, Isaiah, Magic, Aguirre, Bird, Bernard


NASHTY, Wallace, Kobe (hate him, but he's dam good), STAT, MATRIX, King James.

I'll let you know right up front, there is no one, NO ONE on the legends team (minus Aguirre when referred to as legends, of course) that can handle STAT. NO ONE. He would dominate that entire team. They didn't have players like STAT back then. You could probably make the same argument for King James too.

You should write a blog about this match up. Or, better yet, you should "hire" me to write for your page.

FUN FACT: Isaiah Thomas' middle name is "Lord"....and he played like it.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
where the did isiah come from,
was he checkin magic's junk?
usual biz i guess

Blogger mikle said...
That is some terrible spelling from Starang...
The Weapons actually made a mild come-back about...5 years ago?
Very, very mild.
Basically, the white guys who couldn't afford Air Force Ones bought them.
And you're right. Why IS Marky Mark in this video?
Then again, it IS Converse. They have Kirk Hinrich doing ads in magazines.
By the way, LOVE the site, BB.

Blogger Wormboy said...
I don't think blowing out your knee in the only year where you have a chance is "choke artist." Webber doesn't hurt his knee that year, they beat the Lakers, probably go all the way. They Lakers were coasting that year, and the Kings were clearly the better team, and peaking. But you lose your leading scorer and it's over, even against modest teams (which the Lakers weren't).

I think I take the classic team, because they know how to play team ball, as well as shoot from all ranges. Virtually nobody nowadays plays team ball (Nash excepted of course, as a PG), and few can score with range versatility (and yes, I'm talking Mr Stank Bomb, "King" James). But while Nash is a better PG, Thomas was a much better scorer, and distributed damn well. McHale would beat Stoudemire ("Stat" apparently doesn't include defensive stats) in most categories. Larry, is well, Larry. Same with Magic, who can be an all-star at any position. Those are two of arguably the three best in their positions EVER. OK, Aguirre and King are weak links, but you conveniently dropped the weak links from your list (Jermaine Oneal? Parker? FFS). Besides, Marion is no better than Aguirre or King: take him away from Nash, and where are his numbers? He's not even an all star then (as much as I like the guy).

And Wallace? Now there's a guy who's been a choke artist 3/4 years. He gets his head together one year, and his team wins a championship. All the rest of the time, he's screwing them up. What's worse than a guard who pulls the trigger whenever he's open, hot or not? Answer: a forward who does the same.

Mind you, these current guys are all fine players, but most aren't the best of their generation. Larry and Magic are on the best 5 ever, and McHale and Thomas are arguably the best at their positions in their time (OK, I'd take Kareem over McHale, which will piss off our host). But LeBron James? He hasn't proven his crap yet. He benefits from the same stuff as DWade: official gifts. You put those guys in a tough 80s game and they'd get crushed by the physicality.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Mikey: Who chcks thr spllng? Thts rdcls to be clld out bout spllng on a bsktbll blg cmmnt. I'm sre thr is a blog bout spllng smwhr, u shld go find it.

I say its a tie between classic and AF25. The game would go on to 69 overtimes, and eventually, they'd just shake hands, and call it a tie.

I agree with dave a lot, except for a few items. McHale would not have a chance against Amare, and its semi rediculous to think he would. He's to big and strong. But you are right, Bird, Magic, and Thomas, you can't touch those 3, but Nash is proven. Back to back baby.

Fact is, Marion DOES have Nash, and he's a proven all-star. Yes, move him somewhere else, and he's terrible...but the AF25 team HAS he's an automatic 20 and 10 with 5 steals on that team.

And Webber was a choke artist before he even got to the league (sweet timeout)

He NEVER recovered from that. By the time of the Laker's series in question, he was a mid range jump shooter anyways, so knee or no knee...he choked on it big time that series when he decided to clam up and not shoot the ball in the 4th qtr in the money game. But beleive me, it was a team effort that game. And nothing was more notable than Vlade popping the ball out to Big Shot for the win. I was in Vegas, smashed off of Colorodo Bull Dogs, in the sports book watching that game. I was litterally 1 of 5 Sac fans in a crowd of 30 Faker's fans. I thought the we had it, stood up and taunted all of them. Then fcking Vlade didn't grab the ball. Basketbawful, you should find THAT video of me walking out of the sports book. That may have made your all-time Camera of Shame list. FCK WEBBER.

Vlade owes me $500.


Anonymous KHayes666 said...
McHale putting the shoe on Isiah's head with the disdained look is the most unintentionally funny segment of all only because of the history between the Celtics and the Pistons.