Oh, so the Association wants to offer these fools 99% ($74 million) of a $75 million development cost to build a new arena in Sacramento that was agreed to months ago?  Where the River City did EVERYTHING asked of them and then some?

Why take a sweetheart deal from the NBA when you can have a FREE SIX DOLLAR BURGER?  (And for those keeping score at home, Carl's Jr. is based in Anaheim.)


Nope.

Not good enough.

Spare me the platitudes, George, Gavin, and the other bankrupt family members who have had to sell their party casino, beer distributorship, and anything of value as they continue to chase their hope of being Anaheim's attache.

So what are fans in the Sacramento Valley supposed to do now?  Throw their money at this family and hope they have a change of heart (yeah right)?  (Well, they did have a change of heart...to what they really wanted to do in the first place.)

Hope that 29 other owners will be able to prevent them from leaving in this blatant ploy to shore up their own finances at the cost of the Paupers' longest-running home city?

Accept the 2002 Western Conference Finals as a legitimate sporting result?

What else can really be said at this point, the fans did their part, Mayor Kevin Johnson did his part, the NBA was willing to reduce the Maloofs' obligations to negligable...and here we are.

This chapter in the saga is the textbook definition of bawful, ladies and gentlemen.

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Zaza Pachulia
Whoops. This bachelor isn't as eligible as I thought...

Update! A terrible, awful, unforgivable mistake has been made. I mocked the wrong Zaza. Hello egg, meet my face. The following story is about Zaza Enden, not Zaza Pachulia. Two pro ballers from Georgia named Zaza? What are the chances? Apparently immense.

I will Enden you
Come and get it, ladies.

Strange news from Basketbawful reader Mithat: "Dude, according to this Turkish newspaper, Zaza Pachulia's Enden's uncle died and left him $100 million...on one condition: He must marry and stay married for at least five years. Is this a bad movie script or what?"

Since I missed all of my Turkish language classes in college, I can only make out the numbers in the article Mithat linked to. (Assuming those are actually numbers and not some form of foreign script. Note to self: Stop sniffing glue.) But as soon as my Turkish intern shows up with the dry cleaning, I'll provide as much of a translation as he can manage while doing my pedicure.

Translation update! Mithat helped me pierce the language barrier (somewhat):

I tried to translate the article myself, but the writer included a lot of unrelated details and used a confusing language, so I am sorry that I can only translate the following:

The main idea is, Zaza had a relationship with a model named Ece G├╝rsel in Turkey and once he was in the headlines for beating his girlfriend. (This has nothing to do with the rest of the article, but it's there -- great journalism!!)

His uncle, residing in Russia, died last week and left him $100 million. Zaza confirmed the incident, stating that he received a phone call from Moscow from a lawyer explaining the situation, but he said at first he taught it was a joke.

He also said that his uncle in Russia loved him very much and he is not surprised the uncle left everything to him and two sons. The lawyer told him that there is a condition on the will. This condition is that Zaza has to get married and stay married for 5 years. After receiving the news, Zaza called his mom in Georgia (the country, not the state) and asked her to come to Turkey. Zaza is doing some passport related paperwork and as soon as he is finished he will go to Moscow to check what is going on and other conditions.

He also insisted the inheritance is not cash, but it includes shopping centers, residences, land and other real estate. When asked if everything goes okay and he gets the money what he will do, he answered that he will start a basketball club and play final in Euroleague with this club.
What? Start a basketball club?! Now that he has access to unlimited cash, his primary goal is surrounding himself with hot, sweaty European dudes? What a waste. And man, if you inherit $100 million dollars and "commission genius to build me a rocket pack" isn't one of the top two items on your "List Of Things To Do Now That I'm Filthy Rich," you lose cool points. All of 'em.

Another update! I apologize for any initial misinformation I might have spread. Fortunately, Basketbawful reader Kaan was there to set me straight:

The player in question is not Zaza Pachulia but rather Zaza Enden. Both are Georgian (seems Zaza is a popular name there), and both came to Turkey at a very young age to play basketball.

And actually the story is extremely fishy. Enden has been known to use incredible theatrics for fame because I believe he is cash strapped and needs to be in the spotlight. He has not played top level basketball for 4-5 years. He appeared in a Turkish version of Dancing with Stars for appearence fees and such. I firmly believe this is a hoax anyway.
Damn hoaxes. Damn bloggers who blog too quickly. Damn brains that are thinking more about the warm weather than fact checking and brushing up on my Turkish. Damn, damn, damn.

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