Spider-Man's balls! I go away for a few days and the New York Knicks re-hire Isiah Thomas...as a consultant? Based on his previous tenure with the Knicks, I imagine Isiah's first piece of advice would go something like, "Stick your genitals into a blender and hit purée." And if the Eddy Curry, Jerome James and Stephon Marbury experiments are any indication, the Knicks will do it. I mean, nobody in that organization ever said "no" to Isiah before did they?

Other than Anucha Browne Sanders that is.

Apparently, we live in an age where anything can happen. Short of Cleveland forgiving LeBron James, of course. Here are a few other unlikely scenarios that seem a little more probable now that the Knicks have brought back The Destroyer.

Bill Russell and Rick Barry hired as the newest TNT broadcasting team:


Bill Laimbeer apologizes to Larry Bird after which Robert Parish apologizes to Laimbeer:


Shaq and Kobe II

Timberwolves re-hire Kevin McHale as GM

Allen Iverson willingly returns to the Grizzlies as their sixth man

Cavaliers hire LeBron James as team ambassador...

...right after retiring his number in a lavish ceremony

Charles Oakley applies to play Barney the Dinosaur

Bill Russell admits that Wilt Chamberlain was "the better player...and the better man."

Michael Jordan accepts Bryon Russell's one-on-one challenge

Magic Johnson proclaims that contracting the HIV virus was the best thing that ever happened to him

Tim Duncan wins an upcoming Dancing With The Stars competition

Greg Ostertag makes a successful NBA comeback

Mark Cuban spends a season sitting quietly behind the Mavericks bench radiating humble dignity

Rajon Rondo and Shaq combine to hit 70 percent of their free throws during the 2010-11 season

Larry Bird concedes Dennis Rodman and Isiah were right: He was overrated and, if he had been black, he would have been "just another good guy."

The L.A. Clippers declared "respectable"...

...thanks largely to the coaching prowess of Vinny Del Negro

ESPN makes the unilateral decision to boycott any and all storylines related to LeBron James, Brett Favre and allegations that "Baseball Player X used steroids"

Tracy McGrady returns to All-Star form and plays all 82 games

Yao Ming doesn't suffer a season-ending injury

Amar''''''e Stoudemire totally earns his $100 million contract, which means...

...the Knicks break their streak of nine consecutive playoff-less years

The Cavaliers win an NBA title before the Miami Heat, with Mo Williams and Anderson Varejao co-winning Finals MVP

Kurt Rambis successfully deploys the Triangle Offense in Minnesota...

...right after forgiving Kevin McHale for that clothesline in '84

Mike D'Antoni admits "Steve Nash made me."

Six seasons from now, Atlanta Hawks management tearfully states that Joe Johnson's ginormous contract was "the best thing that ever happened to the franchise."

Dwight Howard makes it through an 82-game season and the playoffs without throwing a single elbow...

...while also displaying a half dozen competent low post moves, hitting all of his critical free throws, and winning the MVP award

Pat Riley frames the pact he signed with Satan and hangs above his bed so he can gaze at it while having sex with his wife

As a group, NBA players stop bitching at officials during games

Duo Design named NBA Halftime Act of the Year

Gilbert Arenas shoots so well and plays so unselfishly that everybody forgets about his multiple knee surgeries, ridiculous contract and that whole "gun thing"

Dirk Nowitzki becomes known as "The New Mr. Clutch"

Pau Gasol named NBA's toughest player

Kobe Haters grudingly admit his greatness while Kobe Lovers grudingly acknowledge his faults

Lakers fans publically admit "That Game 6" against the Kings was a whole bunch of bullshit

NBA officials publically admit that Games 3 through 6 of the 2006 NBA Finals were a whole bunch of bullshit

The WNBA finally achieves a massive, worldwide audience

Larry Hughes kicks the "jump shooting" habit and becomes a valuable contributor to a winning situation...

...on a YMCA team

NBA All-Star Games actually means something for a change

David Stern and the Player's Association come to an amicable agreement well before a lockout can happen

Editor's note: Think I missed one? That's what the comments section is for. Really good ones just might get added to this list.

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